I got a particularly brilliant email in my spambox today (ooh er) and obviously I immediately wanted to share it. However I’m pretty certain that if I do it on Facebook, their daft algorithms (which are happy to allow fake Center Parcs scams and racist fuckwits) will hit me with a nonsense ban for soliciting sexual services or similar, because it mentions the word wanking (which is brilliant – 10/10 for using good British slang there. It almost makes it convincing).
It’s complete bullshit but I’ve got to be cautious as I’m pretty much a community standards violation away from having my page removed, having said such awful things as ‘little boys are grim’ and sharing screenshots of messages that I reported at the time, and Facebook were like ‘No, what? These are cool messages for random men to send to you‘.
Fortunately, Facebook can’t stop me from writing all the stupid nonsense I want to on my very own website.
So here it is! Suck on that Zuckerberg, you ham-faced robot.
I’ve left Mr Scammer’s bitcoin deets on there if you want to send him a donation, or you can email him at desy.triwahyuni@kemsos.go.id to have a chat maybe.
My first thought when I read ‘mature’ web pages was like, The Guardian. Tip for scammers: I’d say granny porn is fairly niche (or I live a very closeted existence) – with a scattergun approach like this, there are probably many other categories you’d be better off suggesting. Tractor porn, perhaps.
It could mess up my way of life, or perhaps it could kick off my Onlyfans channel and make me a millionaire. I’ve already become an internet dominatrix for fun, I’m hardly pretending to be a good conservative Christian over here.
On balance, I’ll take the risk.
In the Venn diagram of ‘people gullible enough to fall for this’ and ‘people who know what bitcoin is and how to use it’ I’m not convinced there is a sizeable overlap. I certainly don’t fit in either circle. Sorry dude.
NB: I don’t think this email actually came from the real babycenter.com; I could be wrong.
If it’s real and genuine, then I do apologise in advance; especially to him for all the daily shite he’d have to wade through to find anything remotely interesting among all my messages, emails, and social media posts.
Anyway, I’ve replied and it hasn’t bounced back yet, so I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
If you want to see more from my inbox, there’s a whole post here.
Bless ive had this one , i wish i was young enough and energetic enough to fulfil their fantasies , my last orgasm was probably during the windows 98 era . they didnt even have webcams back then ,
I would personally recommend replying to Dr Ajuga a gifted doctor who is going to cure my erection problems , somewhat amazing as i dont have a willy . Think of the wonders he could perform as a NHS GP , i have sent him an application form .
Once had a similar one referring to “your act of onanism”, someone found a thesaurus that day!