So you want to be a blogger?
I don’t blame you. This non-stop party lifestyle is somewhat enviable, I admit. Even if that’s a hideous lie and the reality is far less glamorous; hours spent behind a laptop, primarily fending off Indian ‘SEO specialists‘ pretending to be bloggers to get you to publish their poorly written posts for $8, and even large companies asking you to work for free.
There are elements that make it worth doing though, obviously.
Five years down the line and I do get a few nice things, like the odd dress, and a wine fridge to review. I get a complimentary meal out now and again, and get invited along to the occasional event (or did when restaurants and events were a thing). The kids have all the toys their little hearts could desire – at least until I find new homes for them. Obviously there is work involved in the form of reviews and write ups, but that is tomorrow Fran’s problem. She can sort that out.
Crucially, it has also allowed me to work from home, and pick the kids up from school (remember schools?!) and be here when they were inevitably sent back home again because little Johnny in the year one bubble started coughing.
(NB if you wish to read a serious post about monetising a blog, look no further).
So I can see why you might be tempted by a blog of your own if you enjoy writing. If you don’t, it probably isn’t your calling, to be honest.
The first step to starting your own blog is coming up with a name.
Firstly, it need to be memorable, original and above all else available, which is difficult when there are already millions of blogs out there.
Ideally it should be a name that isn’t too transitory, as Mummy of 1 (as well as being a bit twee) is likely to confuse readers after you’ve just pushed out your fourth kid. You also want something that you won’t wildly go off at some point down the line. I tell you, having to explain what my blog is called and why I called it that (‘You know, like whine/wine? Oh, nevermind. It was supposed to be funny’) can get a bit much, and although I could change it, that would be a total arseache.
Once you’ve picked a name, purchased your domain and signed up to all the main social media sites with your chosen handle, you need to do two things.
1. Create content
This is fancy blogger talk for writing blog posts.
It needs to be fairly consistent; one blog post every few months isn’t going to cut it I’m afraid, no matter how profoundly written. Yes, coming up with new stuff all the time can be a bit overwhelming, but that’s literally the job. If you want the nice bits, you have to prove that you can keep the momentum going for a bit first.
Some people aim to post a few times a week but to be honest at this stage I’m lucky if I can churn out one a fortnight and sometimes they’re not greatly exciting (like this one).
2. Build followers over all your social media platforms
Once you’ve had been creating content on the internet for several years, you may be fortunate enough to get some visitors trickling in from Google, especially if you can be arsed to learn about SEO and write useful things that people might actually search for, but until then you need to attract people to read your content via the murky world of social media.
If what you have to say is useful, you might be best off using something like Pinterest – once it got me over 10,000 American visitors in a single weekend to one post, although given the whole post was a sarcastic mess I’m not sure they got what they came for.
Other social media platforms include:
Facebook: Useful for sharing memes and videos of cats, and for posting links if you’re in its good books but you probably won’t be and no one will see them. Great for obsessing over likes, followers, reach and why some posts go viral and others tank completely.
Pro tip: To increase your reach, talk about hot topics like vaccination and COVID conspiracy theories and then go into hiding while people argue and threaten each other in the comments.
Twitter: Good for arguing with strangers about politics (but don’t call Matt Hancock a c*nt or you’ll be banned, whoops), following other bloggers and, quite often it seems, stealing other people’s hilarious content to pass off as your own.
Probably not so great for traffic given that on average, people follow thousands upon thousands of others, and your brilliant anecdote about forgetting nappies on a day out probably comes way down the algorithm in your followers’ feeds compared to the latest Trump nonsense.
And finally there is Instagram. As an image-led social media platform, it’s great if you’re good at photography but it is epically frustrating and sometimes I fall out with it. It lends itself well to bloggers who talk about food or fashion; no one much cares much if your captions are well thought out, witty and meaningful as long as you have a nice dress on or your dinner looks nice.
The algorithm is mean AF so it takes serious time and dedication to get more Instagram followers. Everybody seems to cheat to get around it, and you can’t post a link until you have 10,000 followers – which takes around four years to achieve in my estimation.
There’s also TikTok but I tell you now, I’m too old and can’t be arsed with that.
There are two ways of gaining followers; painfully slowly, and all at once.
And how hard can that really be to go viral, right?
You have a unique voice, and something new and original to say – perhaps an absolutely side-splitting take on motherhood, or stunning wit and wisdom to impart – and you can write in a way that will make people stop and think, laugh, or cry?
Yea, we all thought that once upon a time.
The sad reality is that we are all out there jostling for space and traffic and the likelihood is that even if you are witty, hilarious, insightful or all of the above you will have to scream for hours into the void before anyone will take any bit of notice.
Nevermind though, because going instantly viral really isn’t the be all and end all. You then have to keep the momentum up forever to keep your new followers happy – and don’t you dare change the subject. If they found you and followed you because of your post on breastfeeding, then it’s not The Done Thing to have an opinion on politics, pets or fashion. You’re pigeonholed now; know your limits.
So let’s concentrate on building up what’s known as an ‘organic’ following.
Firstly, beg all your real-life friends to follow you. I mean if they don’t care what you’re up to, why should anyone else?
You can also make connections by following bloggers in your ‘niche’, and then getting annoyed when they don’t follow you back. They might also follow you, and then unfollow you sneakily, which will make you even more annoyed. Welcome to blogging.
The only problem with having bloggers ‘follow you’ is that, by and large, they really won’t give a toss what you have to say as they will be more interested in promoting their own stuff.
So as to not become too disillusioned with the whole thing, it might be worth not looking at your stats for a while or ever.
But, even if you don’t have any followers, keep up with the content creation.
In a few years of hard work, you might have something to work with!
Or you might not. But you might!
Basically, if you love writing, then do it. At the very least, you’ll end up with a catalogue of work which you can look back on and probably cringe. But if you’re in it for the free shit, I have to to be honest – it’s really not worth the time or effort, for at least the first few years.
Good luck.
Nice article. Keep sharing!
Great article! Thanks for the tips! And hey, there are people selling these out there, just saying!