Alternative title: I have COVID and I’m bored, so here are screenshots of me winding up pathetic romance scam strangers in my DMs.
Yes, I have COVID AGAIN; this time it came directly via my loving boyfriend. Once he tested positive I was like a condemned woman, fully expecting it to pop up and ruin my day at any moment… and then, when it didn’t come, I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d got away with it.
Of course that would have been nice, but nah. It incubated for bloody ages and then hit just in time for me to miss out on a weekend with my kids, which sucks. Now, on day 6, that bastard little red line on the test is stronger than ever and although I feel marginally less shit, I still can’t go anywhere.
I’m currently missing out on a long-awaited and much looked forward to spa day; instead of swimming and afternoon tea, I’m staring at my computer screen with little to do. So because I love you, I thought I’d answer some of the messages from my social media inboxes.
The scammers, mind. Not the perverts. I just want to waste people’s time, not have to bleach my brain out.
My first was Paul
It didn’t take long for relations to break down, sadly.
Reader, it ended there.
And, despite ‘Paul’s profile actually belonging to someone called Sophie, it won’t surprise you to learn that it didn’t breach community standards. Of course it didn’t! Duh.
The next one was on Twitter, and I won’t lie, I kind of got into it
Note to self: Don’t post selfies on Twitter unless you want a barrage of perverts and Indian scammers in your message requests.
Also DID YOU KNOW? Below the messages in the message request folder, there is ANOTHER inbox for the REAL dangers, the ‘Additional messages’ tab? No, I bet you didn’t, and if you have any sense you’ll pretend you still don’t. This is the actual face I pulled when I discovered this:
Anyway, to be honest, I wasn’t sure which way I was going to take this one. It has a few twists and turns, but I am fairly pleased with the way it worked out.
Then I thought I’d try to make some money
After all, people do usually pay me to write.
To be honest, it didn’t really work out. I don’t think he was enthusiastic enough.
Never even found out what he wanted to ask me either.
To be honest, I was glad this one didn’t reply
I don’t know much Spanish and Google translate can only take you so far. Also I don’t actually have any guinea pigs.
Thought I’d have another go at making money
Can’t hurt to ask, right?
Fin.
You can’t get it right all the time though
This one did seem like a friendly sort
Just too boring for me. Who actually has cabbage as their favourite vegetable for fucks sake?
And finally
I thought this sounded juicy.
It wasn’t.
Well, that’s quite enough for one afternoon. I feel exhausted. I don’t think I’ll be making it a regular feature if I’m brutally honest with you.
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