And that was September. It’s taken me almost a week to get around to writing this one through a combination of time constraints (who knew that getting a job would mean less time to write nonsense?!) and apathy, because it hasn’t been the most thrilling of months.
That is of course always the risk of doing monthly round ups; sometimes it takes ages to pick out the highlights because you’ve hardly had time to breathe and then, sometimes, you listened to five audiobooks, and did a lot of vacuuming. That is the ying and yang of life, I suppose.
(If you want to read my other monthly updates stretching all the way back to January of 2024, you can find them all here).
Autumn descended
Instagram might have you believe autumn smells like spiced pumpkin lattes and hygge candles, but in reality it’s Eau de Wet Dog, with base notes of Damp Laundry That Didn’t Dry in Time Because I Don’t Have a Tumble Drier. Probably not one Yankee Candle will be rushing to launch.
It’s officially official; soggy feet season has begun. I don’t know how long you have to walk the dog through wet grass before Trench Foot becomes a real risk, but I suspect I’m close. Time to admit defeat and dig out the wellies.
Autumn is one of my three favourite seasons (just about), but it always feels like it ambushes us. One minute you’re sitting in the garden drinking chilled Sav Blanc, and the next you’re pulling on jumpers that smell of loft and wondering where all the daylight went.
Every school run is now a gamble: do I risk the winter coat? If I wear it, the sun comes out and I sweat like I’ve run a marathon. If I don’t, it lashes down and I arrive looking like a drowned Victorian chimney sweep. The kids, meanwhile, refuse coats altogether, claiming they’re boiling while visibly blue and shivering. Apparently, being warm is embarrassing now.
And the slugs. Dear God, the slugs. My kitchen door seems to have become their hottest new nightclub. Every morning there’s a VIP queue leaving glittery trails across the doormat. Entry denied, lads.
For a brief, golden afternoon, the leaves look magical. The colours even suit the dog’s aesthetic – which I’m sure she appreciates – and then it rains, and the pavements turn into a treacherous soup of sludge and hidden dog turds.
Autumn: beautiful from afar, perilous up close.
Still, the darker evenings do have one upside: by 6pm it feels completely reasonable to open a bottle of wine, and by 8.30pm you can be in your PJs without judgment. Silver linings, even if your socks are soaked.
I totally fucked my back
I had a bit of a twinge in my side, assumed it to be dehydration and went and did a spin class.
Please heed my advice: Do not do this.
I couldn’t move unassisted for two days; thankfully I had strong painkillers to hand and a friend who helped me get down the stairs.
A month on and it still niggles if I sit still for too long.
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that exercise is a dangerous thing. My gym membership has since lapsed, so thankfully I won’t be put through this peril again.
I went to a few gigs
Despite my dodgy back, I managed to stand for a few hours to see Fun Lovin Criminals, minus Huey Morgan who left the band ages ago. I was very confused that the audience was made up of old people when I am very clearly a young person.
This was not the case at gig number 2, Scene Queen. There were fewer over-30s in the entire audience than people wearing pink sequin miniskirts. A notable highlight was buying my boyfriend a two pint glass of cider about three seconds before the gig suddenly finished with no encore and the staff started herding everyone out – then watching him try to drink it before we got thrown out.
We had a lovely meal out in London
Thanks to Humble Grape in Islington, who comped us a lovely meal which we ate prior to gig #2.
Humble Grape has six wine bars across London stocking over 450 sustainable, organic, and biodynamic wines from small, family-run wineries from around the world.
If you don’t want to opt for a whole bottle they have a wine menu which offers a great selection of wines by the glass and carafe too. I tasted a few before settling on Kvaszinger Tokaj Furmint, a crispy, zesty Hungarian white wine to accompany my meal of calamari, coley (double fish, I know!) and lemon madelines.
Although this was a free meal, the bill came to around £125 for three courses each and great wine (for me. He’s not a wine drinker and had beer. Absolute charlatan) which for a fine dining experience in central London I would say was pretty good; we were there for a couple of hours and by the time we left it was getting busy with people visiting for drinks and for food, and had a really lovely lively atmosphere.
They do regular wine tastings and you can find out more on their website.
I took the kids to see Hamilton
My 10-year-old told me he wanted to see the musical Hamilton, probably because the songs are currently all over YouTube shorts. Our local independent cinema (where you can buy wine, as it happens) happened to be showing it for the 10th anniversary which seemed like a happy coincidence, so I said I’d take them.
Props to the kids for sitting through all 3 hours despite understandably having no clue about (or interest in) early American politics.
No props to me for forgetting exactly how long it was, or the impressive amount of swearing in the first line.
I got scammed (almost)
I was out walking the dog when my phone rang. I don’t often answer unknown numbers, or even known ones because why aren’t you texting like a NORMAL person, but I have some important work stuff coming up and so I answered it.
On the other end was a very apologetic man informing me that there had been some suspicious activity on my credit card and someone was currently trying to spend £500 in Manchester, the cheeky sods. He knew my name and where I was located, and his accent was very similar to my own; none of this fits the average scammer profile so alarm bells didn’t go off for a while. It wasn’t until he started asking for authentication codes and the like that I went onto the app and froze the card while feeding him random numbers to try, which obviously didn’t work.
There are few things as ironic or hilarious as scammer having the audacity to get shitty with you for messing with them.
Stay safe out there (and don’t be afraid to waste their time for a laugh), and if you are one of the dickheads trying to scam people, a message for you:
Other things I wrote this month:
If you enjoyed this and you’re feeling generous, you can buy me a cup of tea or a glass of wine – or donate to my houseplant addiction fund – here.
You can also see my Amazon wish list here.
Really enjoyed readind this post on whingewhingewine.the way you describe the wines and share honest tasting notes make it.