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If you know my blog, then you probably know that I share a lot of shite over on my Facebook page. For the most part it then disappears into the ether after a few days or weeks.
In an attempt to keep my blog going – otherwise it will just be a gathering of yawn worthy (but useful!) reviews and lists about things that get on my tits – I thought I’d look back over the week, jogging my memory by taking a peek over at my own Facebook page.
It’s not cheating, really, cos I did write it in the first place.
This week on the internet
I’ll start with the funnies.
Someone shared this one into Pandora’s Pimty Bag, and, well. APPARENTLY they only do cars and also I’m banned for life.
This exchange over on Facebook also deserves to live on. I can almost feel the anger emanating through the screen. It did make me laugh though.
This week in politics
Last week, everyone’s favourite ex-SPAD Dominic Cummings, came out with the scandalous news that Boris had referred to Matt Hancock as ‘fucking hopeless’ in a Whatsapp chat and we were all VERY SURPRISED.
I for one absolutely refuse to believe it. I mean, SURELY if he was that shit – I don’t know, risking actual lives through incompetence etc – they would get rid of him…right?
Just kidding. Nothing will happen, it never fucking does.
The government have also announced the reintroduction of weighing primary school children. I’m a fan of national statistics, sure, but I’m not a fan of collecting data, handing it over to parents and then putting no support at all in whatsoever. You can read my thoughts from the pre-corona times here.
And in a kind of politically relevant segue (I’m unsure where else it would fit, to be honest), the new GBN (Gammon bullshit network I think? I’m not sure. Perhaps Google it) news channel launched, and ratings were through the roof.
It could be because of their no holds barred approach to reporting the news, or it could be that people were tuning in to watch Andrew Neil and his flock of angry sweaty presenters say rude names, and play spot the typo. Advertisers have been quick to distance themselves. I haven’t watched it myself, but I can’t wait to see how it goes for them…
This week in sport
It’s the football, and I am entirely oblivious to the whole thing. In fact, we managed to stop by the pub on the way home from a very long walk just in time for the match (I don’t know which one so don’t ask…) to finish, and my 7 year old found it hilarious that so many grown men were wearing the same clothes… Quite frankly I had no reasonable explanation for her.
My soon-to-be-6-year-old had his first football session last weekend so I may end up eating my words, sat shivering on the edge of a cold pitch one day… although he also called the goal a ‘score hole’ and I think that just goes to show what a sporty kind of family we are.
NB: If you manage to squeeze three syllables into the word ‘England’, the chances are you’re a monumental dickhead.
This week in my life
As we all know, last week it was sunny as fuck. I spent as much time as possible in pub gardens, as is tradition. I got strap marks and everything, despite being liberally doused in factor 50.
I also took myself into town shopping, and after realising the novelty of browsing has now worn off decided to treat myself to a cocktail while sat along the river. Lovely.
Almost immediately, the sun went in (never to be seen again), the raspberry mojito I had ordered was served in a sodding plastic jam jar and was like drinking pure sugar, and they started playing Coldplay.
It is only slightly better than the time I paid for a pint, sat down and the pub suddenly filled with Morris dancers.
Anyway, as the UK currently appears to have only two modes – cold enough for a Big Coat and sweatier than Satan’s ballsack – it’s back to Big Coat weather now, so no pub gardens this week even if I could; which I couldn’t because I spent the weekend helping my friend move house in the pouring rain.
Work-wise, I was sent some wine by the lovely people at The Wine List wine subscription service, and after the move I definitely felt like I deserved it. However the bottle opener was, of course, nowhere to be found so we had to get inventive!
(I’ve definitely enjoyed trying it out which won’t surprise ANY of you one bit I’m sure. You can get 40% off your first box, 30% off your second box and 20% off your third box using the affiliate code WHINGEWINE over on www.thewinelist.net)
This week in parenting
With the kids back to school it really does mean less time for hilarious anecdotes, although I did catch them spraying my 90 quid eau de parfum down the loo to make it ‘smell better’ yesterday morning so there’s that. Ha, ha, ha, I said.
After more or less a year of no school runs, I kind of missed them, and now we’re back to spending the mornings arguing about why my daughter needs to get out of bed, or why my son needs to take off his trousers and put them back on the right way round.
Oh, and this was announced, to the relief of nobody at all. Thank god my kids are too old for it.
This week in fashion
You know that I’m a total fashionista, and I love sharing the latest must-have clothes. I was tagged in and sent this one a LOT, presumably because people would know it was right up my street.
I’ve also included an artist’s impression of what it might actually look like on.
For less than fifteen quid I’m sure you’ll all be flocking out to buy one here!
This week in popular culture
Love Island is back! Cue most right-thinking people wondering if the Coronavirus couldn’t even do away with Love Island then what was the bloody point of it?
According to the makers of the show, this new series cast apparently represents a diverse range covering all shapes and sizes. Here they are!
Fuck. Me. Diverse? They look like they’ve all been made in the same factory.
Each Love Island contestant is, apparently, given counselling after their appearance on the show in order to help them deal with the shitstorm that their life will probably become. I guess they can’t exactly give it to them before, or they’d never agree to actually go on the thing.
I have to admit, I’ve never watched it and I’m probably not their target market, however if this vacuous crap must exist I’d quite like to see some wildcard entrants: David, 44, who enjoys beer, kebabs and watching darts and is known ironically by his friends as ‘little Dave’, and Becky, 37 who has had 2 kids, likes wine and couldn’t give a solitary shit what you think.
I might be tempted to watch it then.
Not very tempted, mind.
Anyway, enjoy the week ahead!
To be fair it does look like one of the participants hasn’t had a boob job so that is a bit diverse.
Your idea is far better, real people, real bodies, far more relatable and much less dull than the Barbi and Ken Island