Read the rest of my Corona Lockdown diaries here.
Alternative working titles would be ‘The weekend Twitter was amazing’ and ‘The week that hell froze over and I found myself agreeing with Piers Morgan and The Daily Mail’.
This week, it was revealed that Boris’ odious personal adviser and (presumed) part-time Gollum impressionist Dominic Cummings made a bit of a boo boo by sticking his sick wife and four-year-old child in a car, and then driving 260 miles to his parents’ house in Durham shortly after the Corona lockdown was put in place (by him).
Remember when we were told not to leave the house unless we absolutely had to?
Quite frankly, if you haven’t heard about this then that’s on you; it has been the entire news for an whole weekend and I’m not a journalist.
But to summarise, upon his wife feeling a bit peaky and him fearing the ‘rona, he drove his whole family a few tanks’ worth of petrol, from London to Durham and back and then there and back again, allegedly without stopping for petrol or a poo, and taking in a few local beauty spots, visiting his mam on her birthday, and spreading what he assumed to be a highly contagious and potentially lethal virus around the North East of England.
And his excuse for this, once caught red handed, was that he needed to find childcare for his son, despite the fact that he himself was well enough at the time to drive for five hours or so; well enough to drive, but potentially not well enough to care for his own child. Who the fuck knows.
Now obviously, as someone who has absolutely no respect for our current government, I already hated the man.
On a shallow level, I admit I find his tiny little face unsettling, but more than that I find what comes out of it entirely objectionable.
A fan of eugenics and the primary proponent for herd immunity, Dominic Cummings is the epitome of an entitled rich white man who thinks that his elite status means that the laws and rules affecting us mere plebs do not apply to him.
My initial feelings upon hearing the news were, I am slightly ashamed to say (not that ashamed, really), ones of jubilation that he would be resigning – just like the various scientific advisers that broke lockdown across this country and in others and were given short shrift.
Bye bye Cummings.
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, ya c*nt.
But no. He doubled down.
Even though the rules that he and the government set had said stay at home, isolate, and if you have symptoms do not leave for any reason.
Even though countless parents – parents I know, amazing, courageous, single parents – have been ill, and struggled on, alone, using Netflix as a babysitter and letting their kids run feral and forage for their own snacks. Feeling ridiculous parental guilt, but knowing that ultimately they were doing what they had to do.
According to our own government, they just weren’t good parents. They should have interpreted the guidance differently. Like, maybe they should have done the exact opposite to the guidance telling them to self isolate and stay at home?
Yea, that.
“It was exceptional circumstances”
He said. I’d argue that getting sick during a global pandemic is not, in fact, exceptional at all. Loads of people are getting sick, because it’s really contagious. If it was exceptional we wouldn’t all be in fucking lockdown. But you do you, Dominic honey.
He broke the lockdown.
Even though thousands of people across the country have been apart from their loved ones.
Even though I missed my own Grandad’s 100th birthday last week (read about him in the Daily Mirror here. No, Coronavirus is NOT like Dunkirk, Barry from the local Facebook group, so shut the fuck up).
Even though people have died, alone, before their time. Even though relatives have not been allowed to visit dying loved ones to say goodbye, or comfort their own grieving mothers and fathers.
It’s fucking heartbreaking.
That total c*ntspangle thinks that he is above the law.
Fummin’ hun.
He played the child card, and with the backing of Boris and the party whips who’d obviously been directed on the group Whatsapp to provide support (wasn’t he a good parent!) he said that he didn’t care what it looked like. He had broken no rules. He was a good parent.
People were understandably angry, so Boris held a press conference and rather misjudging the feeling of the room – or not having a choice – said he was supporting his buddy Dom.
He has treated Cummings better than he’s ever treated his girlfriends. Cummings must have some next level shit on Boris. Like life-in-prison type stuff.
Even the Daily Mail were outraged, which almost made me faint with shock.
Many people weren’t impressed, so today, against the Government’s own code of conduct for special advisers (which you can read here), Cummings held his own little press conference.
Can’t be arsed to click? Nah, don’t blame you, here’s the bit you need:
“Special advisers must not take public part in political controversy, through any form of statement whether in speeches or letters to the press, or in books, social media, articles or leaflets. They must observe discretion and express comment with moderation, avoiding personal attacks, and would not normally speak in public for their Minister or the Department.”
Code of conduct for special advisers
Aaaaanyway, I watched; I expected, maybe, to feel bad. To see him cry and pull on my heartstrings; apparently now I’m a mother, I have them in abundance. I even felt sorry for Boris when he was ill, albeit very very briefly.
I expected him to produce a well-written and well rehearsed speech, and for him to apologise, and look like a lost little boy, and for me to think OK, mate. Never mind.
But no. Firstly, he was half an hour late, which pissed off everyone in the country. Come the actual fuck on, mate. Have some respect.
And then he started to speak.
It was excruciating; my children tell a more engaging and realistic story.
The ‘highlights’ were: He is a parent/he did what he thought he had to/it was exceptional circumstances (it wasn’t)/he needed to test his eyesight so he drove half an hour or so to a local beauty spot (I actually laughed out loud at that bit).
It didn’t pull at my heartstrings at all.
As a parent who would do anything for my children, the only thing I felt was anger at his supreme arrogance.
And it appeared that many people felt like I did.
Then, we had to entertain the usual suspects (Boris, Gove, Rees-Mogg, and Rishi who is very much no longer dishy to anyone) coming out and saying on Twitter ‘Well that is that, we know why he did it, let’s move on’ in their identikit tweets as directed by the group Whatsapp.
Read the fucking room. That was an utter shambles.
A domnishambles?!
No one is moving on from this for a while… And fortunately it’s not like we have much else to do after all.
In summary; the man is an utter dickhead.
He and the cabinet are currently attempting to gaslight an entire country into believing that every sacrifice we have made over the past 10 weeks has been our own choice, rather than what we were explicitly told to do – which was not to visit our parents, or drive unnecessarily, and to lockdown and self isolate as an entire househould at the first sign of corona symptoms whether you had kids or not. Struggle on; you have no choice.
He has told every parent that even though have made countless sacrifices in order to keep our families and others safe, he is a better parent than us because he cares enough to break lockdown.
He has given the message to everyone that, going forward, do whatever the fuck you like.
Not even a hint of an apology, and an excuse which is not an excuse. He made it clear to the population that we are but second class scum, and that he believes that as a member of the elite, that he is exempt from the rules which we have all lived by, and the government have supported him in this. The lot of them can go and get fucked, frankly.
PS. Whatever happened to #BEKIND?
Oh, do fuck off. Dominic Cummings is not some D-list celebrity with cellulite or a younger boyfriend. He is a key adviser in the government, and they should always be held to account.
Am I saying that we should be turning up on his doorstep and hurling abuse? Well, no. But he is an awful human being who thinks you are lesser than he, and he should be fucking ashamed of his actions. He should quit, and go very far away. And Boris can get in on that action too.
I am so glad to be Scottish (even more so now if that is possible).
As per feckin usual Tory gvt treating everyone like something they have stepped in. Not only should tgey bith resign, Cummings should be charged. If the police can stop and ask people where they are going ( when they are shopping for others locally) then surely to god they can spot him i his fancy car, that doesnt need to be refuelled as it drove the 400 odd miles to the north, on motorway cameras.
#prizewanker
You summed up my total feelings with cuntspangle
One Cummings we can’t wipe away with a simple tissue.
If I had never heard of him, and you told his story as ‘Bob from down the road’, I’d say he was an entitled dick who should surely be guilty of a crime?
Incidentally, the promise Matt Hancick made today to review all cases where people had childcare issues? Not happening.
Hancick was a typo and I’ve laughed far too much at it.
Looks like you’re psychic – took less than an hour to confirm it wasn’t gonna happen. What an idiot.
The man is shameless Boris won’t sack him because without him all you have is blundering Boris.Cummings is the so-called brains behind the government God help us we must be the laughing stock of the world.