Ways to entertain the kids this half term (with no help from the Department for Education)

It’s day three of the cold, miserable February half term holiday. Unlike previous years when we’d be having days out at the zoo or farm, or at soft play, or palmed the kids off on grandparents, it’s another school holiday in LOCKDOWN.

Woo-bloody-hoo.

Although I must say I’m preferring the relaxed days to the daily battle of wills that is homeschooling, there is no denying that it is boring, because everywhere is shut and there is fuck all to do.

You can’t picnic, you can’t meet friends, you aren’t even meant to take a trip to the supermarket unless you want the self-appointed COVID police in the local mums’ group writing you an open letter about how everyone is going to die because of you taking your kids to the shops to get milk.

So what can you do in half term in lockdown?

Well, handily the specialist bods at the Department for Education have come to our aid with some truly AMAZING suggestions that will revolutionise your shitty half term.

Here are yesterday’s:

Pancakes? ON PANCAKE DAY? Whatever next. They are definitely earning their money over in the DfE.

But, remember you should only attempt this if they’re over eight years old (whoops! My bad!) otherwise it’s too complex and they should instead watch a film.

Watch a film!

Thanks guys, I would literally never have thought of that stroke of genius.

Here are some other suggestions of things that you can do to keep the kids entertained this half term.

Ask them to tidy their bedrooms.

They won’t do it, of course, but they might disappear for a bit and leave you in peace for five minutes.

Suggest going for yet another fucking walk

Again, watch as the kids disappear to do literally anything else because they’re as fed up as you are of leaving the house to trudge around the streets in the cold at the pace of a lobotomised tortoise with a backdrop of bored whinging.

Sit around staring at screens

This one requires a bit of concentration on their part but at least it doesn’t require much planning and there isn’t a huge mess to tidy up afterwards; Animal Crossing or Pokemon are our current favourites.

If you don’t have consoles or tablets then just stick on the good old fashioned telly box and let Netflix parent for a bit.

Argue

Admittedly this is one that only siblings can do, however this is undoubtedly my kids’ favourite activity and one I can highly recommend for passing the time. Plus, yelling at each other gets their endorphins pumping. Probably.

Pro tip: Wearing earplugs helps.

Eat snacks

According to kid rules, unless you happen to be eating right at that moment then you are definitely hungry and should demand snacks (but probably not fruit and don’t you dare suggest vegetables). I’m not sure how they get through the school day without 15 separate snack breaks but here we are.

Make an almighty fucking mess

If your child isn’t already a pro at this, they can follow these easy steps:

• Get out every toy you can and deposit them on the floor.
• Get scissors out of the drawer, cut up paper and deposit on floor.
• Then do the same in a different room.
• For added fun, traipse mud through the house.
• Oh and this is very important: Refuse to tidy up because it’s too hard.

I hope these suggestions have been useful!

Do tell me how you’re coping with half term holidays in the comments. Or don’t, whatever you fancy.