You can find more of Ask Aunty Fran here.
This week, Aunty Fran has been a little busy. Moments after posting last week’s edition of Ask Aunty Fran, I received a rather nasty shock in my inbox (I know, there are probably creams for that etc etc) and I’ve spent the week trying to garner support for this petition to get Facebook and Twitter to pull their bloody fingers out and stop allowing horrible men to send women unsolicited porn and misogynistic harassment.
If you haven’t signed the petition yet, please do. There is a press release available to download here, if you know anyone that might be able to cover the story.
Anyway, serious bit over and done with, let’s go to the questions.
My sack metaphorically floweth over this week so apologies if I haven’t got to your question yet. I suggest that if you’re in need of real, actual help then I’m probably not the one to provide it, so you shouldn’t be too disappointed.
First we have Enrique who has some queries about manscaping.
Your pubes are your own business of course. If you want the full 70s bush, you go for it. But since you asked…
I hope that helped a little. Probably not. Please don’t keep me informed.
Penelope is sick of being groomed at the school gates
There are plenty of people like you out there Penelope, but we don’t stop and chat.
Get in, get out, go home – it’s a winning strategy. TBH having no friends is probably better than having friends in MLMs.
Esmeralda is having problems with the man of her dreams
We can’t have it all, Esme.
Hope that helps x
Madge wants to know how she can ditch her shit cleaner
Personally I avoid this by not being rich enough for a cleaner, but I do feel your pain. I had one once and I spent more time cleaning in readiness for her to come over than I ever would have normally.
Apparently moving schools is easy, so just something to consider.
Betsy… I’m not sure about this one
Only you can decide, Betsy.
(However if you do make millions, try to remember me fondly).
Sleepy is finding out the hard way that Cherish Every Moment is bullshit
Sleep deprivation is the fucking pits, as we all know, and it’s perfectly legal (probably, although I’m not a lawyer) to punch these people in the face.
Good luck, sleepy. In 5 years or so you’ll probably get the opportunity for some sleep back, only you will probably no longer be able to stay asleep for longer than two hours at a time because your stupid body clock won’t let you.
Billy-Bob is getting tired of arguing with idiots
There is no point, use your time doing something else. She says, while embroiled in an argument about why the government literally don’t give a shit about microchipping you, and watching you sit on your arse scratching your balls and googling conspiracy theories on youtube.
Alternatively, link them to this site which – I give fair warning – makes for pretty grim reading.
And lastly, we have a WILD RIDE from Darlene.
Seriously, WTF. I thought my life was complicated. This isn’t even a love triangle, this is a love quadrilateral or something.
Who would you cast as Darlene, Steve, Sam and Marie in the film? Let me know in the comments.