Ten times I’ve totally used my kids as an excuse

Parenting and life

Although being a parent can eat up your time and leave you lonely and confused, it certainly also comes with a lot of benefits.

There’s a lot of love and laughter. You can completely indulge you childish side; you get to go to places like zoos and theme parks and no one looks at you strangely. Occasionally you get an extra wide parking space.

It also means you have the perfect excuse for pretty much anything.

Here are some times I’ve used my kids as an excuse #NotEvenSorry

1. For having a messy house

Mrs Hinch I am not; I’m sure you know my feelings on the subject by now.

Tidying up with kids in the house is as useful as painting it while it’s on fire. What’s the point?

Ten times I've totally used my kids as an excuse

Every morning I come down to this and every day I hate myself

2. For being a mess

Baby weight is one thing, but when your child is three years old it’s not baby weight anymore it’s just an excuse. And one I embrace like the lazy, chocolate-and-wine loving porker I am.

Let’s not talk about the state of my roots and how long it’s been since I shaved my legs.

3. For being permanently late

‘Sorry I’m late, we didn’t leave on time’ doesn’t have the same ring to it as some kind of last-minute toilet trip or tantrum, even if it actually happened last week and not this morning.

4. For RSVPing no

With no local family it’s almost impossible for us to get anyone to look after the children in the evening or overnight, and it really sucks when you have to miss a friend’s wedding or big birthday because it’s adults only and you have no one to look after the kids – which has happened more than once.

On the up side, when it’s your slightly racist great uncle-in-law’s 75th birthday six hours away and it doesn’t start until 8pm, the kids do provide a very solid reason to politely decline the invite.

5. For not going out

I’m sorry, I really can’t (be bothered to leave the house after dark because I want to sit down with a glass of wine and watch TV and not say anything to anyone for a while)… I need to be there for bedtime.

Let’s face it, I wouldn’t make it past the starter anyway. Or I’d drink too much and spend the next day deeply regretting every decision I’ve ever made whilst my children watch endless episodes of Paw Patrol. Come back to me in five years.

Ten times I've used my kids as an excuse

6. To get out of helping

Moving house? Need a lift to the airport? Spot of garden clearance? Trying to get your house painted in a weekend?

If I did happen to have a weekend sans children it would be spent at a spa or a bar, not providing a free removals service. Sorry.

7. For buying in help

So what if I hire a cleaner or a gardener because actually I’m just too lazy to do it myself? I’m sure I could have painted my house or fitted the blinds myself, I’m capable, but what free time I have I don’t want to spend doing jobs I hate. And also, kids…You know.

8. For being tired all the time

Yes, my kids may wake me up way, way too early, but I also go to bed too late.

I always mean to get an early night, but what can I say? These things happen when you have to cram your entire adult life into a two-hour window once the kids are in bed!

Ten times I've used my kids as an excuse

9. For buying snacks

Who doesn’t love a cheeky Pom Bear (only two WW points for the green packs…) or a Petit Filous?

They’re definitely for the kids and not for me. Honest.

10. For being slightly unhinged

Actually, this is definitely their fault.

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One Response

  1. Catherine 31 January 2019

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