Finding the housework all a bit too much? It’s blinking exhausting, isn’t it.
Well never fear – here is my simple, easy and realistic home cleaning schedule for busy mums!
Collect the clothes which have been strewn all over the floor and discarded on backs of chairs. Decide whether they need washing by performing the two step test; 1) a cursory inspection for stains and 2) a sniff. If you physically recoil, put them in the washing basket and drag them to the washing machine. Get distracted.
Three hours later, remember to put the washing on. Discover yesterday’s washing in there which has started to smell a little bit damp. Put that on for a spin and hope for the best.
Collect dirty plates from breakfast before the dog gets them and go to place them in the dishwasher. Find that the dishwasher contains clean dishes. Consider putting things away, then think better of it. Shove everything in the sink, grab a mug, close the dishwasher, make a cup of tea and pretend it’s not there.
Go upstairs to bed and just as you’re dropping off, realise the bin men come tomorrow and you have no idea whether it’s rubbish or recycling this week. Stalk the neighbours and try to work out whether they’ve got their green or black bins out, which both look the pissing same in the near-dark.
Try and locate the source of ‘that smell’ in the toilet. Let’s face it, it’s probably piss. Wonder if anyone has a more glamorous life than you, scrubbing piss off the toilet floor.
Do a surface tidy of the rooms downstairs and place all objects to be rehomed on the stairs to be taken up, on top of everything else which you put there last week and never made it upstairs.
Realise you actually can’t even remember the last time you changed the bed linen and you can’t put it off anymore. Take the covers off to wash and then completely forget about it until bedtime.
Sob at the state of the floor and wonder why you ever thought a dog and two children was a good idea.
Threaten the children with removal of their toys if they don’t tidy them up. Get a bin bag out to show you mean business and this isn’t just some empty threat even though it totally is.
Look through your wardrobe and realise there are loads of clothes too wrinkled to wear. Briefly wonder whether you have an iron anymore and try and recall the last time you used it (it was a wedding in 2014).
Drown in a pit of despair over your abject failure as a housewife. Take the edge off with some cake and fantasise about the kids leaving home one day so you can keep things tidy for more than 20 seconds at a time.
Resolve to be a better person. Watch a few speed cleaning videos, and put some Zoflora and a pair of washing up gloves in your online shop.
Buy new clothes that don’t need ironing. Don’t chuck out the old ones though, just in case.
Consider moving house and starting over again.
For more tips to help you get that totally hashtaggable Insta-home you always wanted, check out this post.
My super easy cleaning schedule is handily summarised in one super-pinnable image!