The Radfords, a seemingly nice but clearly a little bit (a lot) crazy couple, have just announced the birth of their 20th child.
Congrats, guys! I didn’t get a gift cos, you know, you probably have everything already.
I suspect you know who I’m talking about; if not, they are a couple with 20 children. That’s pretty much all you need to know.
Now I can’t even begin to imagine this; two have just about done me in, physically and probably mentally too. Two seems a good amount. You have a good hands:children ratio and you can drive a normal car still. I have friends who cope with three, or four; I even have a few friends who have had five children which seems a bit mad but they seem to like it. Beyond that though…
Assuming that I wasn’t dead (which I definitely would be) I can’t even begin to think how I’d even come up with names for twenty children or remember what they were. Transporting them, feeding them, clothing them, getting them out in time for the school run… Well yea, there are a lot of reasons I can think of not to have 20 kids.
But I don’t want to come across as a negative Nelly, so here are 20 not-at-all-grasping-at-straws reasons you might want to consider having 20 children;
1) You never need to sort out the baby shit.
An endless stream of babies means that you just chuck stuff away when it breaks, or else you just put it back in the cupboard. No NCT sale prep, hurrah!
2) You can wear maternity wear forever.
I miss those lovely, forgiving leggings and floaty, unflattering dresses.
3) You’ll never be bored.
4) You’ll get a lot of mother’s day presents.
5) No periods.
6) You’ll have an army of willing manservants.
7) You’ll always look popular at birthday parties.
8) You’ll have an epic excuse for living in a shithole.
9) If you need an organ, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a match.
10) There is a higher chance of at least some of your children getting along.
11) You’ll be able to keep abreast of the latest Hey Duggee developments.
12) Chances are, at least one will be rich or marry into money.
13) You won’t have to share.
14) You’ll probably get yourself on telly.
15) Child benefit x 20.
I mean, as long as they’re already born otherwise you’re screwed, you can thank the Tories for that one.
16) Childbirth probably gets easier with each one.
17) No one will ever ask you to do anything, ever.
18) Free dental treatment basically forever.
19) You get free entry to stuff.
20) You might actually figure out the parenting thing.
Well, I’m convinced.