If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you’ve had a breakup and you’re wondering what to do. I get it, it’s awful. Navigating the aftermath of a relationship ending can be challenging – emotionally and practically. Your heart may be saying one thing and your head telling you quite another, and your friends (although well meaning), another altogether.
Right now, I’m trying to survive my own breakup, so I thought I’d do some research into things that you should – and shouldn’t – do after a break up.
Five Things You Should Do After a Breakup
1. Allow time to grieve
Grieving the end of a relationship – taking time to grieve for all the plans you made, for how you thought your future would look together – is a crucial step in the healing process. Acknowledge your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion, or all of them at once. It’s okay to cry, vent to friends, or spend some time alone with your feelings. This emotional release is a healthy way to start healing and being stoic and emotionless, and bottling up your feelings, won’t help you to process how you feel.
2. Reconnect with your hobbies
Finding yourself suddenly single can free up time that you previously spent on your relationship, which can be very daunting but you can choose see as a positive.
Fill up your time by reconnecting with hobbies and interests that bring you joy. Whether it’s painting, hiking, swimming reading, or learning a new skill, engaging in activities you love can be incredibly fulfilling as well as reminding you of the person that you used to be.
If you are finding the idea of taking up hobbies difficult, why not find some new podcasts to listen to? They’ll take your mind off other things.
3. Lean on your friends and family
Reach out to friends and family who can provide emotional support. Talking to loved ones can offer comfort, perspective, and encouragement. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can significantly aid in your recovery process.
4. Take self care seriously
Now is time to prioritise your physical and mental health. Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, don’t rely on alcohol and try to get enough sleep. If you’re feeling down, anxious or finding it hard to sleep, speak with a doctor if you think that medication – like antidepressants or sleeping aids – could help you to get through the first tough weeks of a separation.
If you’re having trouble eating, make sure you take a good multivitamin.
You should also take time to make yourself feel good; get your hair done, maybe buy yourself some new lingerie so that you feel as confident as you can in your own skin. LH Boutique also stock a range of gorgeous plus size lingerie so no matter your size, you can feel sexy.
5. Set yourself new goals
Setting personal goals can give you a sense of purpose and direction. These goals can be related to your career, personal development, or new adventures you want to embark on.
Having something to strive for can shift your focus from the past to a hopeful future. A different future than the one you had in mind, maybe, but things can still work out positively. Perhaps, even better than they would have.
Five Things You Shouldn’t Do After a Breakup
And the things that you shouldn’t do after your relationship ends.
1. Don’t isolate yourself
While spending some time alone to reflect is healthy, completely isolating yourself is not. Avoid withdrawing from friends and family. You may not want them to see you sad, but social interaction is essential for emotional support and can prevent feelings of loneliness and depression.
2. Don’t stalk your ex on social media
Constantly checking your ex’s social media profiles can keep you stuck in the past and hinder your healing process. It’s best to unfollow or mute them for a while to avoid triggers and focus on your own recovery. If you can, avoid contacting them too much. This is obviously hard if you live together; you can consider talking by text if you find face-to-face communications distressing.
3. Don’t rush into a new relationship
Jumping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup is often a way to avoid dealing with your emotions but we all know it’s not the healthy way to go about it. Take time to heal and understand yourself, because rebound relationships can lead to more emotional complications. It doesn’t mean you can’t let your hair down and enjoy yourself, but it’s important not to get swept along and end up regretting it.
4. Don’t blame yourself
Avoid falling into the trap of blaming yourself entirely for the breakup. Relationships involve two people, and both parties contribute to the dynamics. Both parties have to invest in order for it to work. Practice self-compassion and recognise that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
5. Don’t neglect your responsibilities
While it’s natural to feel overwhelmed after a breakup, neglecting your daily responsibilities can create additional stress. Try to maintain a routine, no matter how easy it would be to cancel. Structure and productivity can provide a sense of normalcy and control and keeping to your routine means you won’t struggle to get back into it afterwards.
Most of all, take care of yourself.