I’ve just bought a ‘new’ car. I say ‘new’, as it’s new to me, but is actually older than my old car just much less well travelled. It isn’t my dream car by a long way, because I don’t tend to have dreams about cars, but it goes from A to B and it’s a pleasing colour. Job done.
Anyway, a new car means going through the rigmarole of getting new insurance and being the thrifty sort I do try to find the best deal, even if it takes up hours of my life that I could be using to earn twice as much money as I’ve saved. That’s how I roll.
How your insurance premium is calculated, as I’m sure you know because you’re a clever, intelligent and, let’s face it, downright sexy person, is through a formula which tells the company how likely you are to crash your car based on previous claims people have made. So for example people in their 40s have fewer smashes than 17 year olds, so their insurance is cheaper. People in a nice leafy suburb with a large gated driveway are less likely to claim than someone parking the same car on the road in the centre of London. Etc, etc. You all know this.
Most things are black or white; your age for example, where you live, what car you’re driving how many miles you drive a year. You can’t lie about these or your insurance will be invalid so you might as well not bother having it; they’ll take any excuse not to pay out because as you all know, all insurance companies are bastards.
However one of the things they use to calculate the premium is your occupation, and that is slightly more subjective. A well known ‘trick’ for people trying to lower their premiums is to carefully select their job title. Are you an office worker or an office administrator? Could be either. So the smart person will choose the cheapest one.
According to a useful Money Saving Expert tool, a Town Clerk would pay four times as much for their car insurance than a Local Government Officer, despite a Town Clerk basically being a Local Government Officer. Daft as fuck, right.
ANYWAY – getting on to the amusing part (I promise I’m not just here to talk about your insurance needs); you have to pick your occupation from a large list, and I don’t know who made the list, but it’s a little bit old and out of date. It doesn’t really surprise me that there is no ‘blogger‘ listed because let’s face it, even my parents don’t think this is a real job, but there isn’t even a single job with ‘internet’ in the title; nada*.
You can (and probably should be) be a professional juggler, but not a blogger, social media manager or content creator. You sure as shit can’t be an influencer.
Here are ten more jobs you can have according to the car insurance list, (and how good they are at driving).
1. Master of Foxhounds
A good solid job for posh people who like owning packs of dogs and ripping apart foxes, a Master of Foxhounds is pretty expensive to insure. Good. They’re more expensive than Wheel Clampers, Gravel Merchants and Philatelists who will only pay £44.69 for every £250 a Master of Foxhounds pays for their insurance. I guess stamp collecting is a safe bet. Interestingly, or not, a Stamp Dealer pays more.
In fact Foxhound Masters are more expensive to insure than almost any other occupation in the category, with the exception of a few including Acrobats, Professional Wrestlers and the most expensive of all: Pearl Stringers.
2. Pearl Stringer
I am going out on a limb here and saying that Pearl Stringers are a niche market with a small sample size. I don’t know what happened to the last Pearl Stringer, but it must have included a 65-car pile up on the motorway because to insure yourself as a Pearl Stringer will cost you an absolute fucktonne.
I’d get a new job to be honest. They’re paying ten times as much for insurance as a hypnotist or an ornithologist. Maybe consider those instead?
3. Pigperson
A Pigperson pays almost twice as much in insurance as a Pig Manager, but less than half of what an Abbatoir Worker pays. Unfortunately you can’t directly compare any two jobs, so I don’t know how much they pay in comparison with a Bacon Curer.
NB I have not a fucking clue what a Pigperson is or does. I’m guessing something to do with pigs though.
4. Servant
Just in case you were wondering about how old this list is, ‘Servant’ is listed as a legit job choice. So are Domestic Staff, Butler and Maid, but they sit within a different category (FYI Domestic Staff are cheaper to insure than Butlers, and Maids are more expensive than either, surprisingly). I have to wonder how many people who list their occupation as ‘servant’ are currently insuring cars.
5. Chicken Sexer or Chicken Chaser
Two distinct jobs here. I know what a Chicken Sexer does (they… sex chickens) but I’m a bit more sketchy on the chasing.
They’re clearly not jobs that are synonymous with good driving; within the agricultural and farming sector only an Abattoir Worker pays more for their insurance.
6. Post Card Seller
You want stamps? A NEWSPAPER? Get out, I only sell postcards here sonny.
Post Card Sellers, as well as being alarmingly specific as an occupation, are fairly middle-of-the road in terms of insurance cost, although they’d save themselves about 20% if they diversified and called themselves a Newsagent instead, and about 40% if they stocked pens too and called themselves a Stationer.
7. Dog Beautician
If you’re a Dog Beautician, then the likelihood is you’re a good driver according to The List.
NB Dog Groomer is an entirely separate category, albeit it is more expensive to insure your car as a groomer.
8. Junk Shop Proprietor
This is the entire list of accepted occupations with ‘shop’ in the title, so it does seem rather specific.
Someone who is the Proprietor of a Junk Shop, specifically, pays around the same for car insurance as a Sales Assistant, almost twice as much as a Library Manager and much much less than all of these people, who compared to a Junk Shop Proprietor paying £250 would pay:
Given how much footballers spend on cars and how much they seem to enjoy crashing them, this is hardly a surprise.
9. Tea Taster
This could definitely be my job. I was born for it. I’ve spent a whole day doing it and am going to set up some job alerts now, even though they are obviously crap drivers.
10. Telex Operator
Wikipedia tells me that the Telex was a major method of sending written messages electronically between businesses in the post-World War II period. Its usage went into decline as the fax machine grew in popularity in the 1980s.
Given that any Telex Operator left in the UK would probably be well past retirement age by now, it’s surprising that they’re not more expensive to insure really.
If you’re bored, why not check out the car insurance comparison tool here?
*If you’re wondering, in the end, after waaaay too long typing in job titles that didn’t exist, I put myself down as a writer. I wrote this pointless post, they can hardly deny me that.
This was fantastic Fran! I’m curious…did you research what a Pigperson does? I wonder if pig costumes are involved? Personally, although not quute the cheapest, I would pick Bishop as it’s just a fun choice! Also since religious titles can’t be proven false, it’s a good choice. Are you familiar with Pastafarians?
I did not. It is much more interesting to imagine what they do I think. Bishops are expensive to insure, bet they’re always smashing into people, those rascals.
My wife’s job is never on those lists, she’s a clinical neurophysiologist. As a truck driver my insurance is more expensive because I do more miles so am more likely to have an accident even if those miles are in my truck and the accident is in the truck.
Ahem, I was a telex operator back in the day and am only 65 and just retired, thank you. Ah, many moons ago. You know You’re old when the thing that replaced the thing has been replaced by another thing…,