Ok so we’ve already had ten of these here, and ten more here, but for want of better things to write about this week I’ve decided to make the trilogy and share with you even more things that are pissing me off right now.
Enjoy this week’s Shit List!
Other people’s driving
This has got to be the top of everyone’s list hasn’t it, and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned it before. With lockdown easing my mileage has shot up and honestly it isn’t good for my blood pressure. From the 40 everywhere idiots, to the infuriating ones that sit in the outside lane doing 60 miles an hour and those don’t seem to know what those sticks coming out of the side of the steering wheel are for, they all do my fucking head in. Special mention to the chap who was shooting along the hard shoulder of the M25 earlier doing about 90 miles an hour because obviously he is SPECIAL. They’re all dickheads and they all deserve to be shot.
And breathe.
Contacting the DVLA
Talking of driving, as I mentioned previously, a few weeks ago I bought a car. The man who sold it to me filled in a form wrong and registered it to the wrong address. Rather than trust that the garage would sort it (because I’m not stupid), I figured I needed to rectify this and it should be fairly simple right?
Wrong.
NOTHING is simple where the DVLA are concerned.
The first port of call is obviously the website which directs you to the live web chat. After 10 minutes of eye rolling and epic frustration you’re told that for such a query, it must be made over the phone. The phone number tells you to contact the web chat. It is like being in The Bad Place.
Anyway, after the best part of an hour making various selections, getting cut off, re-dialling, and then being on hold (I dread to look at my phone bill), when I did manage to eventually get through it was all sorted in minutes.
People
Just people. Specifically ones who chat to the cashier when they’re done paying. I’m not standing here for fun, Maureen. Put your carrots in your trolley and fuck off home.
Pollen
The weather is finally good enough to go out without 3 layers and an umbrella and now I am all weepy and snuffly and there is no bloody need for it. Sort it out, nature.
Birds
Actually, they can get in the bin too. Now don’t get me wrong, I like birds. Almost a weird amount in fact. I am a bird lover. A wannabe ornithologist. The photo above is of me, waiting for birds to turn up because I want to photograph the birds. I like them that much. But Jesus H Christ they’re unnecessarily loud at 4am.
Zoom
I am SO OVER Zoom calls. They’re making me miss the days of phone calls, if you can believe that. If you’re having to dial into something now, you need to show your face. You have to get dressed, you can’t pick your nose and you have to look engaged and I’m terrified that this is it now; the way of the future. Ugh.
Myself, watching films
Honestly I am the worst person and I can’t bloody help myself. Bad habits mean I find myself constantly compelled to glance at my phone and then before I know it, I don’t have a clue what’s going on, even if it’s something I really wanted to watch. I wish I could be better, I just don’t know how.
Drunk me
Let’s face it, drunk people are annoying, but they’re also fond of doing stupid things. I am no exception.
Last night, over our ill-advised third bottle of Sav Blanc, my friends and I were discussing how when you’re a kid you just want to be an adult. Adults have all the fun, right? As an adult, you can do whatever the hell you want and no one will stop you.
Sweets for breakfast? Ice cream for lunch? Buy all the toys you want? Stay up past bedtime?
But then, when you actually become an adult, you never do the fun things. ‘Why do we not do the fun things?‘ we pondered.
Long story short I had £25 of sweets in my Sainsbury’s delivery today. Thanks guys. Drunk me is an awful dickhead.
Oh my god this is brilliant! Million dollar question though, did you share your sweets?
They are unopened as yet…
Love this! My kids would be on mine this week. Their behaviour has been shocking! Granted the smallest has had a tummy bug but he’s been on destruction mission and the 10yo thinks she’s a teenager already and thinks she can tell everyone else what to do!
Well yes – not just DVLA of course, pretty much every organisation. It takes a month of Sundays to find the phone number because it really is a last resort for them to employ a human to speak to you. You then do their phone security by telling their bot your granny’s dog’s favourite Des O,Connor song five times because it doesn’t understand you. Then their recorded messages tell you all the things you can do on the web site so are you really sure you need to be calling. Then, having listened to distorted, tinny, banal pop for twenty minutes you get through to a human who repeats the security questions. So yes, Fran, definitely on my list.
Incidentally I have my mortgage with a small building soc (remember them?) in Leicestershire who, when you ring them, pick up the phone and say “Good morning, can I help you?” It’s like stepping through a time warp – just a step to the left…