Did you buy one of those Christmas Elves in a moment of festive madness which you now deeply regret? Panicking because everyone seems to have amazing Elf on the Shelf ideas and you seriously can’t be arsed?
Are you totally stuck for Elf on the Shelf ideas?
Well don’t worry, for I am here to provide help and guidance! Here is a typical day-by-day Elf on the Shelf routine for the festive month of December.
Who’s that at the door? A cheeky elf has arrived with his luggage; two chocolate advent calendars wrapped in a bow. What a lovely elf! Where has he come from? He has a letter…. He’s been sent by Father Christmas of course! He’s here to keep an eye on you, to make sure you behave yourself!
Let’s give him a suitable festive name. Elfy. Let’s choose Elfy. That’s original.
Elfy has stuck googly eyes on all the fruit. What a scamp.
He’s swinging from the tinsel! What a brave little Elf.
Today he’s got the crayons out and has done a drawing of the family. How lovely.
Elfy is in the bathroom and the impish soul has made a mess by spraying shaving cream everywhere, and covering everywhere in toilet paper! What a to-do. The kids think it’s hilarious. You’re going to have to clean that up you know… Perhaps reign it in a little from now on.
Today he’s been making pancakes for breakfast! There is flour everywhere, what a sight – and he’s been making snow angels. Did you not listen to yesterday’s advice? You’re going to be late for the school run.
Where is Elfy? He’s scaled the Christmas tree! Nice and simple today. Well done.
BOO! He’s crept into the kids’ room and has been watching them sleep. In retrospect that’s a bit creepy. Sorry kids.
Today he’s in the doll’s house in a compromising position with Barbie! Guessing that mum and dad had a drink last night. Unoriginal, guys.
He’s on a shelf. Looks like someone may be running out of ideas.
He’s moved to the other end of the shelf. Come on, pick it up a bit. Look at Pinterest for goodness sake. Do you even deserve to be a parent?
Where is Elfy? He’s using the potty, and there’s a little chocolate Elfy poo in there. Nice?!
Almost half way, you can do this!
He’s set up the whole train track and is playing with the trains. Come on kids, pay attention, that took bloody ages and I don’t do this for the good of my health. Appreciate it, you ingrates.
He ate all the chocolate off the tree! Shhh, no one needs to know it was daddy’s Christmas do last night and he might have come in late and done it himself… That is the magic of the elf.
Elfy has written a letter to Father Christmas to tell him whether you’ve been naughty or nice. Judging by mum sobbing in the corner at the idea of three weeks preschool-free, it’s probably only going to go one way.
He’s… ah. He hasn’t moved. Mum and dad had a bottle of wine last night and forgot. Sorry kids.
He’s swinging from the lampshade! The kids meanwhile are totally ignoring him. Why are we bothering with this?
He’s, uh… Not given a second thought, too busy doing Christmas stuff. Sorry Elfy.
The dog found him. There’s quite a harrowing scene. RIP Elfy.
The kids don’t seem to care, they prefer the chocolate advent calendars anyway. Mum and dad are visibly relieved.
So there you go! I’m now totally out of Elf on the Shelf ideas, and I don’t really care.
Merry Christmas everyone!
What are your thoughts?