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Thursday, 8 September 2016

Pukes of hazard: A cautionary tale of two toddlers and a 24 hour vomiting bug

Pukes of hazard: A cautionary tale of two toddlers and a 24 hour vomiting bug

A month has passed since this happened. 


It has taken me about that long to see the funny side, and to catch up on the missed sleep (that's a joke, that won't happen).

Let me tell you a tale. It's probably best if you're not eating for this one.

It was a Sunday evening; night six of the big boy bed.

Rather unusually, both Whingelets had been asleep since just past seven and we hadn't heard a peep out of either of them. After celebrating this fact with the remnants of the previous night’s anniversary prosecco and a bit of TV we were heading to bed for a much needed early night. Weekends take it out of you somewhat.


I was in the bedroom changing into my rather fetching dinosaur pyjamas when I heard a noise.

Upon pausing to listen I realised it was the sound of retching, and it was coming not from my husband in the bathroom, but from the baby monitor. I ran (quite uncharacteristically: I do not run) into the kids’ bedroom and scooped up the big one (no mean feat; she's in the top bunk) who promptly vomited the contents of her stomach all over her bed, the floor, and of course me. Big, chunky, smelly, sick with bits of carrot in it, even though she hadn’t eaten carrots.

Covered in toddler puke, I carried her (still spewing) into our bedroom and laid her on a towel whilst my husband whipped the sheets off (using a dustpan and brush to sweep up the larger chunks. Yep, that happened).

It became clear it wasn’t actually the entire contents, because she continued to be sick half hourly until midnight and hourly thereafter.
Her little brother, woken by the commotion, started to cry.

A lot. More so than normal, even. We suspected we knew what was to come and we were not to be disappointed; at 1am we were treated to round two of the vomit express.

The big one is now big enough to be sick into a bucket, bin or other receptacle. The small one doesn't yet understand the process, and although he's getting quite good at listening to instructions (and then giggling as he runs away and completely ignores them) this is a bit complex for him. Previous experience tells me that only thing you can do in this scenario is strip off and stand in the shower while he vomits all over you. So that is what I did.

Seriously, someone need to tell you about this shit when you are thinking of having kids.

Now, this isn’t our first foray into child vomit as you well know, however it is the first time that we’ve had two children sick on the same day, at the same time.

It was not an experience I'd recommend.

Dealing with a double whammy of sad, sick children is a bit of a military operation. I doff my hat to single parents (and those that might as well be), I have no idea how you do it. The best tactic when there is an equal adult:children ratio; divide and conquer. We took one child each and attempted to snatch small amounts of sleep in between each round of puking as and when said pukey child allowed, i.e. were not busying themselves with kicking us repeatedly in the head. Co-"sleeping" with my two is so overrated.

I've said it before, having sick kids is the pits.

Awful for them, awful for you. They don't understand that it's temporary; you can't communicate that to them, and it breaks your heart. Mine certainly don't have the capacity to sit and stare silently at the TV (or, better still, nap) until it's over, however you can't really take them out anywhere or do anything particularly when it's a mystery bug and you might just pass it around.

And it was a mystery. I can’t say what caused it, only that daddy had cooked them both dinner for the first time in months, and (praises be) we didn't catch it.

I’m just kidding of course - you'd be hard pressed to get food poisoning from potato waffles and baked beans.

Anyway, they're OK now. 
As they always do, they bounced right back. We never got to the bottom of it, and we probably never will. And now the big one has started pre-school (how is she this old already? I do hope she learns to share) I imagine this is exactly the kind of fun we'll be having on a fairly regular basis. Looking forward to it already.
Big one first day of preschool
First day of preschool, aka the germ party.
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28 comments:

  1. I am so scared of puke fest! It must have been horrific!

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  2. *shudders
    Dread dread dread this. Already struggling with the dirty nappies since we started solids. The not so fun side of parenting. Well done for surviving that puke fest!

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  3. Oh I'm dreading this too...we've only had one vomit bug so far and I just felt like I was constantly cleaning everything. Sounds horrific!

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  4. Oh this made me shudder and almost want to vom. Having sick kids really is the pits and one of my worries about pre-school. All of those nasty bugs will be coming home - ugh!!!

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  5. I shared a bed with my little girl when she was feeling poorly and she vommed all over me while I slept. :-(

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  6. *shudder* I'm glad you all got through it!!

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  7. Brought back great memories of my two boys, now aged 11 and 12. One spectacular time the day after the decorators had finished painting our house, I ran with my vomiting 3 year old who, er, redecorated the hallway walls, before cuddling into me and continuing. I feel your pain!

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  8. That horrible! But you handled the sitaution very well! It has not happened yet in the Frenchie househould (touch wood) but I know I won't escape it as some point. #Chucklemums

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  9. I love your blog, Fran. It's both preparing me and scaring me shitless at the same time. The toddler stage is something that'll come soon. Arrrgh! Glad the little dears are okay now. It can't have been fun for them either. #chucklemums

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  10. Terrifying! So glad you have all recovered from the experience. As you say, it's good to get these things out the to warn people what to expect. Congrats on the Mumsnet nomination - rooting for you. #Chucklemums

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  11. Oh God - what a nightmare. I can't imagine dealing with two cases of toddler vomit at the same time. One sick toddler is more than enough for me, thanks. #chucklemums

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  12. argh I have already read this but just popping back from #chucklemums - still sounds as horrendous reading it the second time, although I learnt from my errors and am not eating this time! xx

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  13. Kids puking is just vile. I was only thinking the other day how it's a while since the big one vommed. The last time being in a pub when she said mummy I don't feel well so we rushed to the loo only for her to vom right next to someone's table! Sorry, sorry I shouted whilst racing her into the toilet! #chucklemums

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  14. Kids puking is just vile. I was only thinking the other day how it's a while since the big one vommed. The last time being in a pub when she said mummy I don't feel well so we rushed to the loo only for her to vom right next to someone's table! Sorry, sorry I shouted whilst racing her into the toilet! #chucklemums

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  15. Oh dear god, the dustpan and brush sick removal! Ewwwwww! Been there far too many times myself. #chuckle mums

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  16. Oh yuck - a horrible experience that only you could find a way of making us all chuckle about - well done :) Alison x #chucklemums

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  17. I feel your pain. We had the 'double' puke fest on our recent holiday to Italy - both kids went down like skittles! The laundry lady at our resort loved us big! Needless to say by the end of the holiday we'd all got 'it' and I still can't look at a pizza now!!! #chucklemums ps I've what I call 'voted' for you as best comic writer, you have to win now - no presh!

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  18. Vomiting bugs are the worst of the worst!! It's so ridiculous trying to deal with two sick kids. I think the image of you in the shower is one we can all relate to! #chucklemums

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  19. I will NEVER forget the time our four kids and myself all had the flu at ONCE. Two six month olds vomiting and lethartic, a fur year old carrying around a giant puke pot and my 7 year old coming coming in the middle of the night from her first sleepover.

    You simply can't make this shit up!

    #chucklemums

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  20. They always bloody bounce back. Whilst you take days to recover from the worry/missed work/obligatory virus you get from them. Ugh... hope they are both still fighting fit - NC has the telltale runny nose this evening. #chucklemums PS MADS ON FRIDAY!!

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  21. How did you decide who got which child? I'd defo want the one who could vom in a bucket. #chucklemums

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  22. So sorry this happened. It's amazes me how the young do not get the bucket concept. Neurologically, I think it's 8 until the bucket concept kicks in. I love the whole family naked in the shower, vomiting! That is some imagery! Hope you can laugh now, and so glad the littles are better! FYI, when this happens again, and it will, take a swig of apple cider vinegar for all of those not affected -- it will keep the bug away from the tummy! #chucklemums M'wah! <3 <3 <3

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  23. Oh my! Thank goodness there were two adults, imagine having to deal with both of them vomming through the night! Good shower skills. When my daughter got car sick once, I panicked and emptied out the contents of my handbag and gave it to her to puke in! She puked a bit in the bag, all down the side of the bag, on her lap and in the crevices of the seat belt. Bag and car, both ruined!

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  24. Well this is all just delightful! Is your stomach made of lead now? #Chucklemums

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  25. I can't cope with puke, not proper puke. Dealing with puke was always my husband's job....luckily (touch wood), my kids seem to have inherited my iron stomach.
    #chucklemums

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  26. It's things like this that make me grateful for only having one. Although I am pretty sure there will be times when the two of us are ill at the same time...#chucklemums

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