This is a collaborative post: It is common for parents to face a dilemma – how to inform their older daughter or son that their mother is expecting another child and soon a new member will appear in the family. How to inform the child about the increase in the family? What if his reaction is hostile? Why do some children accept such a message positively, and others negatively? What is important for parents to pay attention to when a baby is born?
Open dialogue with your toddler
Close contact and conversation are the only way that can improve the reaction of toddlers to a new family member. However, you need to remember that the conversation in this case does not mean a monologue by the parents and instructions to the child on how he should act and how he should feel. When we go to the conversation with an open mind, wanting to hear and help instead of telling toddlers how they should live, children tell us everything openly.
Play with your child
True, sometimes they toddlers express their emotions or feelings not in words, but through a game. We can feel what he lives by watching his play. Maybe he likes to draw and can tell a lot through drawing. To make it easier for the firstborn child to imagine a new baby, you can offer to play: imagine that you are a small baby and you can’t do anything, you can only lie down.
Prepare yourself for dialogue with your child
Always choose the right words for your toddler. You can inform your firstborn when the baby will come into this world. Calculate your pregnancy timing with a pregnancy due date calculator. Information should be provided according to the child’s age. You should mention that the baby is growing in his mother’s belly, and he will come when he is ready and mature. It is very important to explain what that little one will be like, how much he will understand, what he will realize, and what he will do, for example, he will express his wishes by crying.
Remember yourself
Maybe the situation you experienced with your sisters and brothers in your childhood causes you anxiety and fear. How was it with you? Which place was yours in your childhood family? How did you feel about it? How did you want to feel? Who helped you in difficult childhood situations? Perhaps your memories will help you find answers to the dilemma and help your toddler.
Watch your toddler’s behaviour
It is important to hear how the child feels. The appearance of a new member in the family can shock the toddler. Sometimes adults are also surprised by the news, so, it is not surprising if this happens to a child, especially a toddler, who is used to living his life in one way, and suddenly finds out that this world will change. Therefore, it is understandable that a toddler can react quite negatively to such news for a month or three. But it is very important how we will react – will we accept the child’s negative attitude and understand it, will we offer to talk again?
Tell to the toddler that you love him
Your first child has a crown and is the only child in the family. Now comes the time when that crown will have to be removed from your toddler to a new family member. However, a child without a crown does not mean that the child is not loved. You won’t be able to give him as much attention when the baby comes into this world, but as a mother, there is enough room in your heart to accommodate both of your children and you will know how to show attention. And you need to tell your toddler that. Your toddler can handle the fact that he will no longer be a single person and you can help him. Talking about love and the understanding that you see that he has is not easy, you will not stop loving him less if you are not always there for him.
Strengthen your child’s self-confidence
It is the right time to strengthen the child’s responsibility and independence without pushing him away and saying that “you are already big”, or “you can handle everything yourself”. Just talking about the future child with your toddler is not enough. Indeed, the older one needs to be raised before the change in the family – after all, he will soon become older, more responsible, and more independent, and will have to accept many changes in his life. First of all, now is the time to learn to sleep alone in his own bed, eat, dress, and brush his teeth by himself – and do not think that you will harm the firstborn because of this. On the contrary, if he becomes more independent, he will feel more mature and self-confident.
The bottom line
Usually, the news about a new family member is presented as special and happy, but let’s imagine how the little one reacts – if he does feel that his parents will love just a new baby, he can behave in various ways, for instance, artificially demonstrate the expected and desired love for their future child near their parents, or they can start to resist and become angry. To prevent this from happening, the information must be presented in an unemotional and non-judgmental way — there is no need to emphasize that we will all be happy and we will all love the baby. It is important to prepare yourself and, of course, the toddler before a new family member will come into this world.