We so often speak of children as blessings, miracles, and “the next chapter”, but this decision, although ordinary in appearance, is fraught with complex moral and emotional considerations. We talk about baby names, nursery colours, and milestones, seduced by the idea that a “mini-us” is about to step into the world. God, this matter is so intricate and vast, I don’t even know where to start. I’m struggling to find the best manner by which I can introduce my thoughts, but there are too many. Something in my ribs whispers relentlessly that the first thing I shall say must include the inquiry of whether they’ll grow up beneath the weight of our unspoken fears, or is the light of our hard-earned wisdom that they’ll inherit. Imagine a soul is waiting, on the edge of existence, about to be handed over to you. Not just to feed, clothe, and educate but to shape, mirror, and SHELTER. Before that moment arrives, pause. How do you feel? What kind of life are they being born into? And please, do not let your hormones interfere too much. Like yes, I know, the temptation to abandon caution when love is whispered in the dark, with affection murmured between kisses… We’ve all been there, trust me.
But what about your home, mind, and the patterns etched into your past? Did you ever pause long enough to remember who you are?
Will Your Unhealed Wounds Become Your Child’s Burden?
Perhaps we can skip the formalities and speak candidly. Is there anyone on this planet who hasn’t experienced pain or trauma at some point in their lives? I confidently doubt it. If that’s the case, you can’t imagine the joy I feel. Unfortunately, there are too many of us who grew up feeling, no matter what we do, we’ll never be “good enough”, or waiting, in the corner of our rooms, precisely like a faithful dog, for our distant parents to remember we exist. Regardless of the form, trauma leaves a mark, shaping the manner in which we see the world and ourselves, and most importantly, the kind of parents we’ll be.
There are a few things in this world that deserve the benefit of the doubt, but this one doesn’t qualify. Accept it or not, what is not repaired will constantly be repeated, no matter how much control you’ve tricked yourself into believing you’ve, or the effort you’ve put into burying the parts you didn’t quite like. Though not written in genes, your unhealed wounds will echo in your child’s life. Do something about it!
Do You Want A Child, Or Do You Want To Feel Loved?
This question is profoundly personal and doesn’t imply a single correct answer. While some of us may feel a biological urge to reproduce, like it is a vital part of human existence, others see children as a means to feel complete and fix what’s broken. Under these circumstances, the child becomes a mirror, a balm, a purpose, anything but a person. And no, this is not inherently evil. However, it is hazardous, as a child should never grow up feeling responsible for someone else’s emotional survival. The actual matter is that this behaviour turns love into a transaction, eroding the genuine affection and trust essential for healthy relationships.
Are You Ready To Stop Being The Center Of Your Own Life?
Becoming a parent means stepping out of the centre of your own life. And this shouldn’t impose any dramatic problems, unless you struggle with compromise. If you do battle with compromise, this shift may feel more like a loss than a transformation. However, everything is learnable if you care enough to do so. Like, yeah, right, in your 20s it is all fun and games to be that mysterious, nonchalant diva, who answers the phone only when she’s in the mood, and leaves a relationship just because she felt her partner didn’t smile enough when they met. Accept it or not, at some point, this era will fade, for all of us. And this is not something to be afraid of. Actually, it can be unmeasurably beautiful if you know how to embrace the change. Change is good; make sure you remember that.
Do You Afford To Raise A Human, Financially, Mentally, And Spiritually?
Oh, the dilemma of whether you can afford to raise a human…It transcends more than whether you can afford to replace your precious vinyl flooring they’ve just destroyed. It’s not about the broken things, though there will be many, crayons on walls, juice spilt into laptop keyboards, the shattered glass of your once-carefully curated life. You’ll pay for those, yes. But could you afford to be endlessly patient on days when you feel like unravelling? Could you afford to hold space for someone else’s big emotions when you haven’t yet learned how to keep your own? You need to be honest about where you are, what you’re carrying, and whether you’re truly ready to take on someone else’s responsibilities.
If only raising a child were as simple as installing laminate flooring….
Do You Truly Know Who You Are, And Would Like Your Child To Be Like You?
And here comes the question… A very dangerous one. One that dares us to look in the mirror and see the raw version of ourselves. The one with the unresolved anger, the insecurities we hide under charm, the wounds we’ve learned to dress in ambition.
Then ask yourself: Would I want my child to be like me?
Because they might be. Not the polished version you perform on your best days, but the version that leaks out when you’re tired, triggered, or lost. Children don’t become what we say, they become what we live. They absorb our coping mechanisms, our silences, our habits of self-love or self-abandonment.That doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to be honest.If there are parts of yourself you wouldn’t want to pass on, don’t shame them. Face them. Work with them. Grow through them. Let the possibility of becoming a parent not just inspire a nursery makeover, but a soul renovation.
In the end, parenting is not about creating a miniature version of yourself, it’s about becoming someone worth being mirrored.