Back to school bingo: The 2021 edition

Parenting and life

And so we approach the end of the first week back at school for kids in England and my, hasn’t the 6 hours of daily silence been wonderful? Not having to fight with my offspring about ‘homeschooling‘ is a particular highlight I must say.

However I think I may have somewhat romanticised the idea of getting back to school; there are a lot of hurdles still to come. Why not tick them off with me?

Nit letter

It’s a matter of when, not if. You might think that SURELY after months of not being near any other children, nits should have been entirely eradicated, but I would stake my life savings on the fact that you would be oh so wrong (albeit that would be more convincing if I had got any life savings).

Threadworm alert

Constant handwashing is no match for bum worms. Time to burn everything!

Sickness bug

Because of course, back to school wouldn’t be back to school without a touch of vomiting and diarrhoea.

Kid wakes up with a cough

Is it continuous? Do you have a temperature? Or should I just dust more? Argh, what are the rules again?!

Suspected COVID in the class

Cue mild panic from parents and everyone praying for a negative test result…

Forgot mask on school run

Do you try and tuck your face into your jumper? Apologise profusely to everyone you come across? Or go all the way home and be late?

Bump letter

I used to get a ‘Your son/daughter smacked fell over their own feet and gave themselves a bump on the head’ letter at least once a week and I predict it won’t be long before they start rolling in again.

Came home with wrong jumper

It’s not even the same bloody size AND it has someone else’s name in it! How does this happen?!

Lost belongings

…And when asked where their brand new water bottle/jumper/lunchbox/shoe is, they shrug non-committally and say ‘I dunno’. Chances of them ever getting it back: Slim to none.

Overnight growth spurt

How on earth can your shoes be too small? You barely wore them! I’m not buying new ones now! And not only because all the bloody shops are shut.

Mid-day phone call from school

It might just be a courtesy call to remind you that it’s circus-themed lunch day tomorrow and you need to bring in a top hat and an elephant, but the panic and terror that comes from seeing the school’s number flash up on the screen cannot be paralleled.

Request for money

To fundraise for Red Nose Day/Save the Children/Children in Need/New Playground Equipment/School Roof fund/The Emotionally Vulnerable Seagulls Charity (but at least it’s unlikely to be for a school trip).

Email about parents loitering

‘This is a polite request that you go and spread your germs at each other somewhere else tyvm.

Also STICK TO THE ONE WAY SYSTEM FFS. Thanks, The Head’.

Parking issues

‘Could parents ensure that, when dropping off their children at school, they refrain from park in the zig zagged area. Be aware that the frustrated neighbours might take a baseball bat to your windscreen if you park there’.

Polite uniform reminder

Shops being shut doesn’t half make it hard to get hold of the right uniform. Hopefully scruffy hairstyles will be forgiven until the hairdressers open up again because my DIY efforts are terrible.

Torrential rain on school run

Starting two minutes before you leave the house and finishing five minutes after you get home. Every day of the week.

Fancy dress day

We may have escaped World Book Day this year but you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re asked to knock up a Roman Centurion outfit with less than 12 hours’ notice.

Forgot PE kit

Worst parent in the world, making your kid do PE in their school shoes. Hang thy head in shame.

Self isolating

Yay! Your kid has come into contact with a positive case. Another two weeks indoors. Fanbloodytastic.

Coronavirus

After all that staying in, you bloody well got it anyway. Thanks, kids.

Back to school bingo: The 2021 edition

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One Response

  1. Richard Jones 11 March 2021
  2. Pingback: The week gone by — March 14 – A Silly Place 14 March 2021

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