Ten adulting tasks I, a 41 year old, struggle with

I have now had a full 23 years of experience as an adult. I have spent more time as an adult than as a child or teenager and I think it’s time to admit that I am Not Very Good at it. Sure, I’ve kept two kids, a dog and a fair number of houseplants alive, but I also struggle big time with *gestures vaguely*.

A small part of me hopes that you do, too.

1. Putting a king size duvet inside the duvet cover correctly.

Actually getting it in at all is a struggle when you’re an average-height woman, but there is a special place in hell for whoever decided that they’d make duvets five centimetres wider than they are long. It’s an almost imperceptible amount; until it’s inside the cover and it becomes apparent you’ve screwed it up.

My new Simba 3 in 1 Duvet helpfully has the tags at the end which show which way it’s meant to go into the duvet cover, which means I get it right maybe 70% of the time now. Thanks Simba.

NB There is also a place in hell for whoever invented fitted sheets that are just that little bit too small and ping off the corners in the middle of the night. Hanging is too good for them.

2. Accurately predicting the quantity of pasta/rice required without using a scale

When cooking for myself and the kids, either one of us has to go without (that would be me) and pretend we (I) wasn’t hungry, or we have reheated pasta for the rest of the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner until it congeals unappetisingly together and the dog gets to eat it.

3. Cancelling subscriptions

Shout out here to Beer 52 who are the absolute bloody worst for making you jump through hoops before you’re allowed to quit their stupid service (which sucks anyway. No one likes citrus bloody beer). I don’t think it’s a particularly controversial opinion to believe that if you can sign up online for a free trial, you should be able to cancel online; you should not be able to sign up with one click of a button and then have to call someone – on the ACTUAL TELEPHONE – and pledge to sacrifice your first born in order to opt out.

This last month I’ve used several software trials and apps which means signing up for a week for free, then forgetting and being charged obscene amounts for the privilege. I may be ‘a little bit ADHD’ (diagnosis pending) or just ‘a forgetful idiot’ (diagnosis confirmed).

4. Sending things back for a refund

In a similar vein…

Online shopping is great because you don’t have to leave the house to buy stuff so it’s far less peopley and you can’t be catfished by your own reflection into buying stuff through nice soft lighting and angled mirrors. Better still, distance selling regulations mean that you are entitled to change your mind and send things back when they don’t fit, you realise they make you look like a sack of shit, or you have decided to prioritise feeding your kids over nice boots instead like the martyr you are.

In theory.

In reality, they’re likely to sit by the front door, or in the boot of the car, until the cut off time to send it back has long expired at which point I have to post them on Vinted and argue with buyers quibbling about 30p discounts.

5. Opening ‘easy open’ packaging without stabbing it with a pair of scissors

Bacon, poppadoms, anything really. Is just impossible. Easy open, my arse. They’re laughing at us.

6. Using resealable sticky labels to savour a packet of Maltesers over several sittings.

I’m fairly sure they’re just for show anyway.

7. Getting the binbag out of the bins without the whole thing falling apart

I struggle every time to get the bloody bin bag our without ripping it. I’ve even made a hole in the bin itself to try and get rid of the vacuum but I think the combination of my kids’ reluctance to admit it’s full and pushing more down on top of it, thus compacting the rubbish and squeezing the air out of the bin, and my general lack of patience with it, doesn’t help.

8. Getting the washing out of the washing machine within a reasonable time

I’ve just realised I literally have a load in the machine which has been spun about four times. Be right back.

(Some time later, wondering how my son has managed to put three pairs of school shorts in the wash within two days…)

9. Finishing and discarding bottles of shampoo and conditioner

What, those? They’re my emotional support 1/8th full bottles of haircare products.

10. Using things in the freezer instead of buying more

I always imagined that as a grown adult I would be one of those who used my freezer space wisely; putting leftovers or short-dated goods in there and then consuming them in the not-too-distant future.

Instead, my freezer is where things go to get freezer burn and eventually be thrown away, probably when we move, because I have no system, no idea where anything is, and the thought of me being organised enough to take something out of the freezer for consumption later the same day is entirely laughable.

People who do that really have their shit together; if you’re one of them, give yourself a pat on the back. But do it slowly so it feels a bit passive aggressive. You show off.

For instance, what the hell is this, and why is it in there? I suspect we may never find out.

If you enjoyed this and you’re feeling generous, you can buy me a cup of tea or a glass of wine here.

You can also see my Amazon wish list here.