And so, just like that, the school year comes to a close. One whole school year done and dusted and on to the next one.
Come September, my smallest child will also be starting school… After six weeks of holidays first, of course. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
It’s slightly less of a Big Thing the second time around; not because it isn’t a huge milestone, but because I know more of what to expect now.
Here are some things I’ve learned about reception year:
1. It will rain on the school run
This goes for every year group I suspect however umbrellas make reception kids at least 65% slower than usual.
I’m no meteorologist, but here is the weather forecast for the first week of September:
8:30am – 9am: Rain
9am -2.45pm: Sunshine
2:45pm – 3:25pm: Rain
Obviously, when it’s raining, the gates will open late, unless you rock up late in which case they will have opened ten minutes before and what kind of neglectful parent are you?
2. There will be ‘artwork’ in abundance
Every day I am presented with paper, cardboard and junk modelling creations and they are big, and plentiful, and my recycling bin overfloweth.
Apparently this calms down next year… at which point I’ll have another child in reception. Christ.
3. You’ll never have a bloody clue what’s going on
What did you do today?
*Silence*
Can I have a snack?
4. They will always be hungry
Usually, the first words out of my daughter’s mouth upon pick up are, as above, not the requested brief summary of her day (ha ha ha ha etc) but instead asking for food.
As we live approximately 4 minutes walk from the school, I don’t tend to bring food with me, so she enters the house like a hangry hurricane and rinses the cupboard of snacks immediately.
Well, once she’s been for a wee because she always needs the loo on the way home too. Sigh.
5. They lose stuff
Where is your jumper?
I didn’t bring my jumper
You did
Oh I think I left it in the playground?
Sure. Fine. We’ll buy it back for a pound from the PTA sale next month then.
6. Fitting too much stuff in is for crazy people
But you do it because you’re trying hard not to be a crap parent.
Our schedule goes: Swimming after school on a Monday, dancing at a completely different school after school on a Tuesday and me rocking back and forth in the corner on Wednesday.
…And because of this, they’ll be totally fucking knackered and even though they’re now used to being at school full time, they may still act like a bit of an overtired bellend at times.
7. Teachers definitely know more than you
Chance of my child believing me on any topic, even one I actually know quite a bit about: Not a lot.
Chance of my child believing her teacher on the very same topic even if she has totally misunderstood: 100%.
8. There’s always something important in the book bag
And you will always forget to look until about 8.37am the next morning.
9. There will be bump letters…
Reception kids: Fall over. A lot.
10. And nit letters…
For fuck’s sake, de-nit your child because frankly I would rather spend that money on wine than Hedrin. A-fucking-gain.
11. Or worms letters.
You thought nits were shit?! OH BLESS YOU.
When this one comes into your life just burn the house down. Just. Burn. It. The. Fuck. Down.
12. Your child will have grown so much over the last year
You’ll look back at their preschool work, at pictures of them starting school in their too-big uniform that now barely fits them, see them making friends and being diplomatic in a way preschoolers just can’t be, and watch them reading an actual motherflipping book and wonder how the hell that happened.
13. They will make you enormously proud.
I think I’ve got something in my eye again…