I’ve not personally got any tattoos, because a) I am soooo not into pain and b) I can’t even commit to a hair colour for more than a season. I’m flakey, and I know that something that seemed like a great idea at one point would very quickly start to annoy me.
However I am mildly obsessed by them.
When my smallest was born, I spent way too much time watching Tattoo Fixers, where a team of tattoo artists covered up some of the most regrettable tattoos I’ve ever seen.
There’s even a new show called ‘How Far Is Tattoo Far?‘, and boy. I don’t want to spoil it for you but the premise is that friends get to choose each other’s tattoos… I guess this would be OK if you have a nice friend who understands your love of Disney, but much less so if they’re the vindictive sort, or worse still in love with you and trying to propose a ‘thruple’ relationship via permanently inking your chest with this monstrosity:
I know, I know. One tattoo removal to go and take the friend with you.
Of course, this made me ask the Dafuq Is Dis members if they’d ever made a tattoo mistake.
The results, while not quite as quite bad, didn’t disappoint. Here are our top tips for choosing a tattoo that you won’t regret:
1) Always research the tattoo artist you choose.
Get recommendations, look at their work and make sure that they’re professional…
If you are based in the north west, visiting a reputable tattoo shop in Liverpool like Liverpool Tattoos is a great place to start. Established since 2015 and based in Orrell Park, they are an award-winning studio with multiple professional artists across all styles, fully registered with the local authority and approved by the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health – exactly the kind of professional tattoo shop in Liverpool you want before going under the needle.
Stopped tattooist mid ink cos he was blatantly high, just look at those angles. Alissandra
I had mine done in Miami. Midway through, the shop got robbed and I was left with this monstrosity. Emjay
I have a weird tribal style squiggle on my shoulder blade. I was at uni, my friend was getting a tattoo. I thought I might as well… So we headed off to the specialist tattooist who claimed they used ‘temporary’ inks and 3-5 years later it would be gone. So I literally spent about 2mins deciding what to have cos it wasn’t forever right? Nearer TWENTY years later, it’s still there. Caroline
This was a tattoo I got done at a sketchy location in Camden. Immediately it was fiery hot, bright red and extremely painful. After a week of immense pain and barely any sleep my other half hauled me to the hospital against my will. I was told I had a severe infection. A course of heavy antibiotics and steroid cream later and it looked like this scarred mess…. half the colour had been pulled out by the steroids. Kimberly
2) Realise that the minimum age is there for a reason
The younger you get tattooed, the longer you have to live with it.
I got a tattoo on my shoulder when I was 15 that looks like the Bacardi Breezer logo. I hate it. Holly
I managed to find a tattooist dodgy enough to accept a customer who was in her school uniform. I was that customer. Walked out of the shop with a badly drawn pair or cartoon lips on my bum cheek. I thought I was hilarious for about a week until the true horror of what I had done to myself kicked in. Katie
Check this bad boy. I was 16 and stupid. Lyndsey
3) Put some thought into the design you’re going for.
It’s going to be there for a VERY long time. Think about it properly first – for a few weeks, if not months!
I got a Playboy bunny on my hip. 17 year old me thought I was the dog’s bollocks. 34 year old me, not so much. Nikki
Weird little one of my university room number. My second tattoo was one of my OWN name on my foot, so I was like a postcard, name and address! Easy to get home to halls when I’d had a few! Katie
I don’t know what I was thinking. It didn’t look like that on the picture I chose. I was 17 when I had this. Rebecca
4) Communicate EXACTLY what it is you want
Provide the tattoo artist with a sketch and they can’t get it wrong!
Meant to say Jayden but I swear it says Gayden. It is a really bad tattoo. Charlie
5) Remember drunk people do not make good decisions
I mean, you knew this already didn’t you?
When I was 21 I celebrated the end of a season working in a holiday resort by getting a tattoo of a gecko on my crotch whilst drunk. It’s blurry, but the best part is they had to cut through it for my c section, so it now has one hand (paw?) sewn to its chin! Laura
6) Whatever you do, DO NOT try and tattoo yourself
As if you should need telling.
When I was 15 I tried to tattoo a star on my ankle using a drawing pin and the pen. I picked the scab repeatedly and half of it came out, fortunate really seeing as it was wonky. Suzanne
I once took to doing some tattooing with a ‘homemade’ tattoo machine. I naturally practised upon myself before attempting on anyone else. On one of my many thigh tattoos, I decided to add the line ‘Only dead fish go with the flow’ which I thought was witty at the time. I stencilled the design onto paper, transferred the paper print to my leg, checked it, double checked it, dipped the needle into the ink and started to buzz. It wasn’t until I had finished that I saw that the A & E of dead had somehow got swapped and my new tattoo said ‘Only DAED fish go with the flow’ Leigh
Thankfully, although tattoos are permanent, they’re not permanent-permanent.
You could always get a cover-up if it all goes wrong.
I was immature and went to the first tattoo parlour that had space and decided I wanted a heart and my other half’s initials. Spur of the moment thing. Just looked like a weird splodge of jumbled up lines. Thankfully I won a comp earlier this year and had it covered with a gorgeous phoenix feather. Jessica
Terrible tribal lizard – this is what happens when you and the tattooist don’t share a common language (the cat is the cover-up). Sarah
But sometimes, the tattoo is so bad the only real option is laser that thing off your body.
Laser removal of tattoos can be expensive and painful, so I guess the lesson here is to think before you ink!
This is a collaborative post.