10 things 'two under two' mums are sick of hearing

Three years ago I wrote this post, about having two under two. A while later, I wrote this one, reflecting back almost a year later.

More recently, I wrote a post about why I am now so glad that we went for the small age gap; Ten reasons I love having a close age gap.

As you can see, reading through the posts… It’s got a lot better. I’d go as far as saying that it’s the best decision we made.

I genuinely expected it to be awful though, because people are surprisingly negative about the whole close-age-gap thing.

When you first tell people that your maternity leave isn’t even over and you’re up the duff again, they look at you like you’re totally mad.

Some of them really can’t help themselves… Here are some of the things I (and friends) heard…

1. You’re pregnant? AGAIN?

Yup, erm… sorry?

Particularly unnecessary when followed by: What did the father say? (amazingly, he was actually in on it from the start, imagine that!) or You’ll do anything to get out of work! (Ha, ha, ha).

2. I don’t think you realise what you’re getting yourself into!

Answer with ‘Well it’s a bit late to send them back now’ and watch as they awkwardly backtrack.

3. You’re brave!

Those are the words they use, but it distinctly comes out sounding like ‘You’re stupid’.

A friend whose children were born 16 months apart told me ‘My Health Visitor wouldn’t stop saying “you’re a braver woman than me” in such a hoity-toity manner she’s lucky I didn’t clobber her over the head with her baby weighing scales’ and I can’t say I blame her.

I suppose it’s a bit more tactful than…

4. Are you insane?

Even as a joke, it’s insulting, rude and not funny but it’s something my friend Sarah, who writes about her children with an 11 month age-gap, has heard more than once.

5. Is your TV broken?

Hahahaha, very funny. Yes, we were bored and had sex and that’s where babies come from.

6. Was it an accident?

Because you’d have to be mad to actually plan for two children close in age, of course. Something about quick succession pregnancies makes people think it must have been contraception failure, suddenly it’s acceptable to comment on your sex life and contraception choices and that calling one of your children a mistake is OK.

A friend and fellow two-under-two survivor said ‘I like to assure people that having a child who hates sleep was a highly effective contraceptive so the second child had to be a conscious decision or it would have been immaculate conception’.

7. You’ll have to potty train soon, you don’t want two in nappies!

Whilst two in nappies does indeed suck, so does trying to potty train a child who is clearly not ready, whilst their sibling is demanding your attention.

Relax, it’ll happen when it happens.

8. You’ve got your hands full!

Said by well-meaning grannies at every turn; if I’d had a pound for every time someone said this to me I would have… Well, about £30.

I’m not sure a preschooler, or school-age child and a baby is any less demanding than a toddler and a baby, just different. There are pros and cons.

At least you can strap them both in a buggy when you have two under two.

9. Are they twins?

Not mine; my oldest is tall and my smallest is a bit of a shortarse, so if anything they look like they have a bigger gap than they do.

However it happens all the time to my friend whose girls are now older. The shock on people’s faces when they find out they aren’t is priceless, and apparently because she’s now eight years down the line (with two toddlers to boot!) it’s perfectly acceptable to have a sharp intake of breath before commenting further.