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Friday, 29 April 2016

Things I don't have time for now I have kids

Things I don't have time for now I have kids

I have already done a post outlining what I do all day. 


This one is about things I don't do.

Being a mum is a funny old thing. Never in my life have I been so busy, yet moved so damn slowly. By the time each day comes to a close I'm weary and aching for bed despite, on the face of things, having achieved relatively little (if we discount keeping two small children alive).

For instance, in a pre-child life, if someone were to ask me what I got up to at the weekend and I replied that I went swimming and to the supermarket all in one day, the person asking might look at me as if to say 'and...?'. With children, doing two different things in 24 hour period is something to be proud of. Medal-winning territory.

And yet, despite the many hours which could, technically, be categorised as 'not really doing a lot', there are a lot of things I just don't have time to do. Even when I just had the one child and she still napped (oh, those halcyon days) I probably didn't have time for these things:

Eating breakfast

I do occasionally, when the stars align and everything is going well. Weekends, usually. But when both kids are in my sole charge and they are grumpy and demanding to be fed as children are wont to do, sitting down with a bowl of porridge (alright, Coco Pops) is the last thing I have time for. If I do, by some miracle, manage to make myself a slice of toast I am usually met with this kind of scene:


More usually, food is eaten on the go and straight from the cupboard or fridge in unlikely and disgusting combinations; a slice of cheese here and a spoonful of peanut butter there.

Straightening my hair

Or drying it, getting it cut, or any general maintenance really. To be honest I was never that good at this before I had kids; they are really just a convenient excuse for its permanent woeful state. 


Trialling new recipes


I'll buy all the ingredients especially apart from one thing I really need which will have to be left out. It will create a lot of washing up and above all be disappointing; no one will bloody eat it anyway. We stick with what we know here.
Tasted better than it looks

Reading books

Dear Zoo doesn't count, not even the noisy book. Pre-children I was a library-card-holding, reading machine... I now have three years' worth of unread Christmas presents to work my way through. I'll start one, but after reading each sentence fifteen times over I tend to give up quickly. It takes months to finish a chapter and every time I pick it up again I have to flick through the preceding chapters because I have no idea who Elizabeth is even though she's one of the main characters.


Catching up with friends

I do see friends, I'm not a hermit...  but they basically have to offer to be human climbing frames for a few hours and often we will part ways without having exchanged any real information about our lives (but they will probably know intimate details of the workings of my baby's bowels).

Mowing the lawn

I used to garden for pleasure; plant seeds, grow vegetables and everythingRubbish looking knobbly ones, but they tasted alright. Now my garden has more plastic crap than shrubs, the weeds are prolific and the grass is six inches high.
Pre kids. With carrots.

Shopping

If Amazon Prime or Ocado don't deliver it, I don't need it. Browsing is for people with a lot of spare time, as is trying things on. I genuinely can't remember the last time I went into a changing room (actually I can, but I was using it to sneakily change a horrible nappy in the absence of anywhere more sensible to do it and had absolutely no intention of buying the awful crop top I took into the room with me).


Having a bath

I mean a child-free one, sans plastic toys. It's a lovely way to relax, but quite honestly who has time for that when you can be done in six minutes in the shower? Maybe ten if I'm shaving my legs. So, six minutes then.


Watching films

Two hours?! I can't possibly commit myself to stay up that late. As for going to the cinema, that is a careless waste of a babysitter. I'd rather wait for it to come on Netflix and not watch it then.


I do, however, seem to have a ridiculous amount of time to waste on the internet. 


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97 comments:

  1. ha ha very entertaining - no time for absolutely anything, far too busy but ... social media ... totally different issue! Same here lovely - no time to do anything but heaps of time to blog, linkys, twitter and instagram! Hilarious. #KCACOL

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    1. Thanks. TO be fair with mobile phones you can basically do most baby related things one handed ;)

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  2. Ha ha love this! And with you on all of these especially the hair straightening (god knows I need to do it)! xx #KCACOLS

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    1. If you're lucky I will do my hair just in time for the MADs ;)

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  3. Books is the one thing I miss soooo much! Before kids I was a real bookworm and could do a book a week - now it's more like one a year! #KCACOLS

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    1. Going on holiday soon. Hoping there is no wifi so I'm forced to relax and read!

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  4. hahaha love this and how you end it. All very, very true, especially the last one!

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    1. Honestly who can be bothered. According to my husband watching films in two parts is just wrong...

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  5. Whoops I am supposed to put #KCACOLS

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  6. I manage to spend a ridiculous amount of time on the internet as well! Partly your fault ;D #KCACOLS

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    1. Haha it does somewhat take over your limited free time doesn't it!

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  7. Somehow this is so true in my case as well! At the end of the day, I've found that I haven't done half the things on my to-do list, yet I've managed tons of comments, written a new blog post, and uploaded a photo to Instagram. Funny! <3 #KCACOLS

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    1. It's because we can do that stuff with half an eye open and one hand, I reckon ;)

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  8. A bath sans plastic toys - is there such a thing? All true for probably most parents. Not sure why we are always on the internet lol Thanks so much for linking up with #KCACOLS. Hope you return next week :)

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    1. I wonder what my mum's generation did when feeding babies... got bored I imagine!

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  9. I don't think I've had a bath in the last two years, I just know that the second I got in one of the children would wake up or need something and it just wouldn't be relaxing at all! x #KCACOLS

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    1. Here's to many baths in your future...

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  10. same here on hair straitening, reading and films. if it's taking me past 9pm, it's too late! I find I do eat breaky though now as I like to sit down with my son before work and make an effort to eat #KCACOLS

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    1. Ah I am still in the shovelling-it-in-to-the-baby stage. One day he'll be able to use a spoon and I will sit and eat with glee.

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  11. Oh, man, I miss breakfast. Or really any meal without a toddler trying to steal bits of my plate - or screaming... :) #KCACOLS

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    1. They really are little whatsits aren't they...

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  12. Hah hah!! Completely agree. What do we do all day and yet by 7pm I'm always shattered. Can't remember the last time I went clothes shopping as it always ends in disaster. Would love more time for reading too! #KCACOLS x

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    1. I am going on holiday soon and wondering when the hell I'm going to be able to get any clothes. I may have to chance it. And I won't have time to bring them back either so will have to try them on. ARGH!

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  13. Ooo, I seem to manage a bath once a week. I tend to multitask with blog related things until my other half bring the awake baby he's failed to settle. I shall preserve and keep trying though. I like baths! #kcacols

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    1. Add a toddler into the mix and you're screwed. I *think* I still had the odd bath when there was just the one...Maybe

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  14. Ohh yes I remember well....now mine are a bit bigger (7 & 10) there are alot of them they 'allow' you to do. But the banned list grows, such as ANYTHING which might embarrass them. I bet the fact that I read all the books in the 50 shade series and currently have grey in my bedside table would count in that section!:)

    mainy - myrealfairy
    #KCACOLS

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    1. Yes but embarrassing them is surely part of the fun of being a parent... Mwahahaha. Can't wait.

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  15. I love that pic of little people plus dog hovering over your toast. My two do that to me as well, even though they've just troughed their way through toast, fruit and cereal and I've managed to get myself one sneaky piece of toast.They seem to think my bread is fair game. I also eat peanut butter out of the jar when they're not looking and have taken to sprinkling coco pops over my fancy museli - is that a parent thing?! #bigpinklink

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    1. Ah woman after my own heart. My sympathies to you, fellow sufferer!

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  16. Very try it does get better though. My kids are 5 & 9 and I do manage the odd shopping trip and night out. Still don't manage to read many books though. #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

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    1. Some hope for the future... thank you!

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  17. Hello, this was a flash back! I promise it gets better, in a few year you will even be able to pee in peace! (amazing huh?) You do a ton, and when you look back the memories you have with your children will be priceless. Now my kids are older we spend hours at the library together, they are little bookworms, and I've even returned to reading novels, yippee!

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    1. forgot #KCACOLS (as you can see the memory never recovers from kids, lol)

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  18. This is all spot on! Particularly your toast photo, I get very similar!!! I think that all the things that used to define me are the things I'm slowly clawing back now but went by the wayside for almost 6 years while I devoted everything to my kiddies. Reading books & forgetting who anyone is is a problem for me too, also wondering why I cared in the first place! 😂 Thanks for linking up! #bigpinklink

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    1. I'm sure it'll start to come back soon, though I very much doubt I will ever find time to straighten my hair again...

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  19. Oh my days, this is laugh out loud funny! I've seen your blog floating around but to be honest, have read it for the first time now! Love, love LOVE the name of your blog too! #kcacols

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    1. Thanks for stopping by :) Hopefully I can tempt you back next time...

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  20. So true. I demand me time! Even if means locking the toilet door to get it ...!

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    1. ...And ignoring the banging and the handle being moved up and down. Yup, been there my friend.

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  21. I totally agree with this. You do lose things becoming a mummy, (but gain much too!)stop being able to do things as time seems to sneak away. I now have to have breakfast with my little boy or he doesn't! Baths I look forward to like I used to look forward to going out for a meal..blessed peace..though I always share it with cars! #KCACOLS

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    1. Oh there are plenty of things you gain, for sure. I share my baths with dolphins. They're pretty uncomfortable to sit on...

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  22. Yup! Totally agree. with ALL of your points.. :) Parenting is SO MUCH FUN!. We are now "Cool Kids" #bigpinklink

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  23. Ha - all of this is so true! I really do miss reading books and trying out new recipes. And straightening my hair is just pretty impossible with a 16 month climbing up me. Oh, how I long for a hot bath (and not one where I have a quick dip in a cold bath after the toddler's been in it and dad shouts me asking where the babygrows are kept...) x #KCACOLS

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  24. So funny and sadly so true!! Yes six minutes. Sigh. #bugpinklink

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    1. Six minutes was all it took today for the toddler to unlock her stairgate on the bunkbed and the baby to take to the stairs... FFS

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  25. Ha ha! I too seem to have an inordinate amount of time to waste on the net but not enough to clean the bathrooms. How strange?! And I never understood the joy to be found in online shopping until I had kids! Now I don't have to move (and bundle two children into, out of, into, out of the car) and someone brings me a new dress. Win! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums again

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    1. Funnily enough I have a post on cleaning bathrooms lined up

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  26. Yep, spot on. Can I just echo the watching films and shopping points. My son literally loses his shit as soon as I step one foot across the threshold of a shop. As for watching films - it just doesn't happen. I can only straighten my hair if I give him the iPad too!!! #chucklemums

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    1. Ah yes, we like a bit of ipad bribery in the house too ;)

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  27. I've been a mum for a month, but I'm already realising there's some things I just don't have time to do now. Surprisingly enough, I'm managing to blog and comment here right now. #chucklemums

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    1. It's very possible to blog one handed!

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  28. back from #chucklemums managed to straighten your hair yet???

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  29. Popping back over from #chucklemums xx

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  30. Haha, I second all of these! I do spend a lot of time on the Internet, but most of it is waiting for or on public transport, like now. My train's been cancelled so I'm doing some commenting! #KCACOLS

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    1. Yes same here. It's often in the park, watching the toddler on the slide AGAIN...

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  31. Totally and exactly me on all accounts...though I have never mowed a lawn. Add in "Shave legs". BUT I miss reading books. Must prioritise them a little more...somehow. #chucklemums

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    1. Yes I am taking two on holiday with me so I hope I can read them!

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  32. all so true! id love to read a book, id love to read anything bar school letters/emails maybe one day...#chucklemums

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    1. It will come. When your kids move out and you have nothing to pick up off the floor.

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  33. The ocado one made me laugh out loud! Haha!!! That's me that is! Birthday party coming up, buy the gift on ocado. Simples. It comes with the nappies and gin and it couldn't be easier!
    Brilliant writing, made me giggle...and feel whistful and sad at our lives which are now long gone. A life BC (before children)... x
    #chucklemums

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  34. I so know what you're saying! I was nodding along to your post. I don't have time for shopping but I know that I don't have the patience to anyway! Netflix yes!!! Thanks for hosting #Chucklemums

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    1. Time, patience, ability to shop with two small children and not lose it...

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  35. Hehe, this made me laugh and I can totally relate! Glad it's not just me who eats a rubbish breakfast, often a quickly grabbed biscuit (I cannot believe I used to sit down with tea, cereal and sometimes toast as well every morning before work! What a luxurious life!!) but the toddler will always have a bowl of cereal and fruit. Reading books: i actually joined a book club before i had children. Hahaha! Now i attend but just drink the wine. Bath: i had one the other day where the baby in her bouncy chair beside the bath kept spitting her dummy out then screaming (so i had to reach with a bubbly arm to put it back in again...countless times) and toddler decided to wee in her potty and then ride about on it (full) round the bathroom. The most unreeling bath of my life. Hubby and I often intend to watch a film but i can never ever concentrate on it and feel i have to do other stuff at the same time (like blog/do online shop etc). Loved this post!!! #chucklemums

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    1. I didn't know book clubs came with wine. I really need to join up.

      The potty tale made me laugh and then I realised it could be me!

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  36. Snap! This post is amazing especially the part about breakfast and having time to waste on the internet! Love love love this! #chucklemums

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    1. There is ALWAYS time to waste online!

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  37. Ditto, I don't think I do any of these things now *sniff sniff*. What I wouldn't give for a morning at the hairdresser, followed by a film and hot bath, on my own! Xx #chucklemums

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  38. I miss all the things, possibly breakfast the most. When my daughter was a bit younger I used to manage a bit of reading while she was having epic feeds, but now I only have the attention span to watch old episodes of Ab Fab on the iPad. #Chucklemums

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    1. Yea when baby no 1 was small reading (on the kindle which required just the one hand) was fine but I'd actually be on the ipad most of the time

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  39. This just sounds like my life! Straightening hair rarely happens and I end up going out looking all fuzzy! I often see my friends and their little ones for a catch up but still not sure what they are up to in their life. The small bits of conversation happy between trips to the loo and giving one of the kids 'the look'. Fab post and big congrats on the Mads nomination x

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    1. Thank you :)
      I can't wait until 'the look' works.

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  40. I only have one and not have time for anything! I wonder what it would be like with more children? I'm scared to even imagine that...#chucklemums

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    1. I wish I could tell you it's fine... but that would obviously be stretching the truth ahhaha

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  41. feel so related to many of them! "Never in my life have I been so busy, yet moved so damn slowly" You just got me there!haha, specially since it's so hard getting rid of the extra pounds! :S we do go to the cinemas though! but that's a different tale, dealing with breastfeeding while watching the movie and making sure the baby doesn't make too much noise!..anyway, loved the post! all the best for the MADS 2016! :)

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    1. Thank you! Oooh that's very brave. I've never had a baby that didn't scream all day so wouldn't have been possible for us...

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  42. I had to giggle as I literally had a conversation with my partner 5mins ago about how I had managed to wash, dry and straighten my hair this morning! He looked at me so confused but for me, its all the small things! I too 'share' all of my meals with Mia and most food is grabbed from the cupboard or fridge! Great post! :)

    #KCACOLS

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    1. Thanks - glad it resonated with you (and that you managed to do your hair!)

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  43. Yes, yes and yes. On top of not being able to do all of those things we have MORE hours in the day, as in I am awake at 5am!! Love this post #chucklemums

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    1. Absolutely! And do I go to bed earlier to compensate? Pah. Do I hell.

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  44. My kids are older and I still can't get a bath on my own! However there is hope because when your two go to school hair straightening will be possible and favourable to bathroom cleaning! My biggest - can't find time to do - is print or make a hundred photobooks with all our photos arrrrgh but seem to have time for twitter. All the very best with MADs, yay xxx

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    1. Thank you :) Sadly (?!) I may be back at work full time by then. Then I will have time for NOTHING.

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  45. This is all so true! What is it with that one missing ingredient?? It's a conspiracy! #Chucklemums

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    1. It's usually because I leave the list on the side then have to remember it and babies mean my memory is shit. Aaaah.

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  46. Haha - yes, I in fact do not do any of these things any more either! #chucklemums

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  47. I feel much better that I am no the only one who blames the kids for not straightening my hair - when reality I used to do it very rarely any way! And I am with you if it can't be delivered through Amazon/Ocado then its not for me. Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

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    1. Whenever I do actually straighten my hair, people make such a big deal out of it that I get embarrassed ahaha. I must look so rubbish the rest of the time.

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  48. Completely with you... I haven't had my hair cut in 18 months!! I got someone to watch her this weekend so I could henna it myself. I have to get a babysitter for a bath... nightmare! Shes cute though but thankful I only have 1!
    #chucklemums

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    1. So tough. But they get older, and you get your time back... and by then probably can't be bothered anymore anyway!

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