I think my three year old might be Donald Trump: Here are 17 reasons

Parenting and life

As the UK prepares itself for the 45th President of the United States of America, Donald Trump, to touch down in our home country, and the women of the United Kingdom feel their vaginas slam shut in unison, it got me wondering about the kind of world that my kids will be growing up into.

That made me pretty sad.

I think we were all hoping that by now, 18 months after he officially became President of the United States, Trump would be gone.

Impeached, disappeared up his own fetid arsehole, whatever.

Apparently though, we are in some kind of parallel universe and anything can in fact happen, so here we are; about to welcome him into our Very British Bosom and watch through our fingers as Theresa May acts as awkwardly as a half-human half-pterodactyl hybrid can.

Trump Credit: Gage Skidmore

Smug idiot Trump
Credit: Gage Skidmore

Whilst I was trying to arrange my thoughts on the subject, my only-just-three year old came over and pulled on my arm and yelled at me until he had my undivided attention.

It struck me that this is not the only thing that Trump and my preschooler have in common.

Here are some other alarming similarities between Trump and my three year old:

They both…

1) Have ridiculous hair and orange faces

Although I can wash the Wotsit crumbs off if I’m so inclined.

Trump or corn

Who wore it better?

2) Like building walls

“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. Out of Lego.” – My son

3) Perceive themselves to be better at things than they are

My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! 

I can put on my socks ALL BY MYSELF. 

Guess which is which.

4) Refuse to do what they’re told

5) Have teeny tiny hands

I am however hopeful that my son’s will grow with the rest of his body.

Trump is a three year old

6) Say pretty embarrassing things about female anatomy

Like ‘mummy you have big boobies’ or ‘grab them by the pussy’.

7) Can’t drink water properly

Drinking water - like Trump

8) Are prone to tantrums when they don’t get their own way

I’ll tell you, I spend a LONG time down a rabbit hole trying to find the perfect example of a Trump Tantrum but just couldn’t pick.

Let me direct you to this thread instead. If you have a spare half hour or so, enjoy.

9) Should be supervised at all times

Even Trump’s advisors admit that they have to watch him like a hawk and then spend the weekends praying he doesn’t do anything stupid. As for my son… Well, I refer you to the previous answer with the box.

10) Should not legally be allowed a Twitter account

Anyone for a covfefe?


12) Make up words

My son does this all the time. Bigly.

13) Struggle a bit with the basics of English language

Although usually I can work out what it is my three year old is trying to get at.

Donald Trump makes less sense than my three year old


14) Are crap at geography

I doubt my son would know that Nambia didn’t exist but I bet Trump would probably think the Isle of Sodor was in Iran.

15) Are big fat liars

Trump says that London is like a ‘war zone‘ due to knife crime, and we should all just shoot each other instead or something as logical.

My son says his sister did it.

Trump Credit: Gage Skidmore

Credit: Gage Skidmore

16) Don’t actually know what a president does


17) Blame other people for absolutely everything

I bet Obama is as sick of it as I am.

And of course they have the power to potentially start world war three and end the world.

Although actually that’s just Trump. My three year old isn’t that stupid.

Anyway, have a nice trip, President Trump.

I hope the plane doesn’t spontaneously combust or something and nobody spits in your covfefe.

which tiny trump are you meme

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I think my three year old might be Donald Trump: Here are 17 reasons that President Donald Trump is a lot like a preschooler or toddler #trump #donaldtrump #parenting #momhumor #mumhumour #parentinghumour #impeach45 #Toddlertrump #trumptantrums

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