Pregnancy questions… A trip down the rabbit hole of internet birth boards

Parenting and life

Pregnancy can be a terrifying time for even the most confident of mothers-to-be.

With so many guidelines to follow (well, some anyway) it is unsurprising that some people get confused.

This is where a lot of ladies turn to the online birth board.

A magical place where we can chat about grim pregnancy symptoms and ask all the pregnancy related questions we want to, and fairly anonymously if desired, so as not to annoy our real life friends who are probably a bit bored of preggo chat.

Obviously it’s not quite as good as asking, say, a medical professional. But it’s a lot easier than simply googling the answer to your question because you’d have to open a new browser and everything for that.

Here are some genuine questions I have seen on birthboards from pregnant ladies, not even necessarily even first time mums

(And if you don’t believe me, google them, I dare you. There is probably a lot worse out there, enjoy the rabbit hole):

“I’m really worried! I ate cheddar cheese/muller rice/grapes/a curry, will my baby be ok?”

“Can you eat hot food during pregnancy?”

“I used body spray! Please tell me it won’t harm the baby?!”

“I argued with my boyfriend. Will the baby be upset?”

“Help! I swallowed an orange pip! What do I do?”

“Is it ok for me to watch a scary film?”

“I want to go to One Direction concert but will the noise hurt baby’s ears?”

“Will jumping up and down harm the baby?”

“Will my tight trousers give the baby a misshapen head?”

“I’m going to drink energy drinks in the day to try and set the baby’s sleep pattern before it’s born – what do you think?”

“I don’t want to use the shower or bath in case the hot water hurts the baby, what should I do?”.

The answers to these, in case you were wondering, are:

Yes/yes/yes/yes; yes; no, it won’t; no; perhaps consider calling the baby Pip?; if that floats your boat but I prefer a rom com personally; get a better taste in music you’re about to be a mother for god’s sake; don’t be a pillock; no but get yourself some new trousers; I think you’re an idiot who’s going to have a baby who never, ever sleeps; and for the love of all that is holy, just have a wash. I’m almost certain showers don’t come with settings that will take your skin off and I really feel sorry for the midwife of someone who hasn’t showered for nine months.

At least they can blame the hormones I suppose.

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