We all know that the mysterious “Facebook Community Standards” are a complete farce. The insane little AI bots happily allow scammers to thrive, idiots to post horrific deliberate and harmful health misinformation, and racists and homophobes to peddle hate speech, but they really don’t get humour and nuance. Call your best friend a cheeky bitch and BOOM you’re sewing smocks for 30 days faster than you can say ‘it was OBVIOUSLY a fucking joke!’.
Currently the admin team and I are facing swathes of deleted content in our Facebook groups (Dafuq and Pimty), dating back three years or more.
The best bit about this is that they won’t actually let you see the post, so heinous it must have been, and they won’t even tell you which of their nonsensical rules you may have broken. You just know that at some point three years previously, someone broke one.
Very useful indeed. I’ll be sure not to do that again, whatever it was.
My page has got so many of these random deletions that now, if I think there is even a small chance that something might set off their community standards bots in any way, I will either post it here instead or not at all. Honestly, you’re missing out on some golden content and hilarious hot takes; you can blame Zuckerberg for that.
Sometimes it is just baffling though.
Here is all the HOT DELETED CONTENT which was TOO RAUNCHY FOR FACEBOOK
Update: Less than a week later, laughing at someone’s shit attempt at photoshop has landed me in the slammer again. Let me just explain to the stupid cunts who reported it: LAUGHING AT PHOTOSHOPPED SHIT IS NOT BODY SHAMING, YOU INBREDS.
Sigh.
Seriously. SERIOUSLY. He has a fucking pin head, that’s not normal.
It hasn’t been removed from the group I nicked it from, mind.
And the violation that inspired this article:
Today, I had a notification that this post had been removed for ‘Inciting violence’.
Time in the slammer: 30 days, with 60 days of reduced newsfeed action.
This was literally the post:
Parents, huh? Bloody hilarious, right?
Not to an AI bot it isn’t.
Much to my eternal surprise, they actually reviewed this one and, after several hours (during which I wrote this post, so not entirely wasted…) they reversed the ban – but much like someone whacking into your car, despite being entirely innocent it still counts as a strike and stays on your permanent record.
*Sigh*
Next up: A douche called Rick
This one was deleted for harassment and bullying.
OK I did call him a twat – or more accurately, a tw*t – but I think you’ll find it’s 100% factual as this is the tweet of Rick the Dick’s I was sharing:
Got that one reinstated too, as it happens, although once again it meant I couldn’t post for several days and still have the strike there to remind me not to be so naughty as to have an opinion on my own body.
And lo and behold, another Rick!
This particular Rick, whose messages did not breach standards, still harasses women on Instagram to this day.
NB This jail time was for ‘soliciting sexual activity’; I assure you I was attempting the exact opposite thank you.
Time in the slammer: 30 days with no chance of parole.
What a fucking danger he is.
DON’T PICK ON ARE BORIS HES DOING HIS BEST
Someone reported this post; I can only assume it’s because they didn’t understand what a dead cat was and were too fucking thick to google it, instead deciding that it must actually mean a literal deceased feline and therefore it obviously breached standards against bullying and harassment.
Poor Boris.
Once again, Facebook owned up to their mistake here.
…Still cunts though.
This post was still live, in the group it was posted in
But yea, I’m the one in the wrong here. God almighty.
30 day ban for that one too. Sigh.
Facebook does not have a sense of humour, at all
Took them about 4 days to let me back on after that. Jesus wept.
They do not understand sarcasm
This was taken down for ‘adult sexual solicitation’. I don’t think my friend was ACTUALLY after his money here. Dunno…
The AI bots do not enjoy puns either
THE WHOLE OF FACEBOOK IS SPAM. It excels at spam. It’s what it does. Just don’t make jokes about dolphins for fucks sake.
…And they take everything VERY literally.
Obviously I meant this, every word. There is zero room for nuance and overexaggerating for comic effect at Facey HQ.
And there we have it. That’s all she wrote, folks.
Don’t forget to check back frequently to see how I’ve angered the Facebook gods this time.