So you think you’re accident prone? Hilariously awful accidents

Dafuq is dis? Parenting and life

Have you ever had an accident that wasn’t your fault?

Nah, I’m kidding, this post is about accidents that were TOTALLY your fault.

A member of Dafuq Is Dis recently asked what the most embarrassing accidents our members had had and honestly, the replies were brilliant.

So here you go; read on for our most WTF accidents!

medical negligence

It all started with this in-no-way-related-to-alcohol incident (I’m sure)

‘Pulling the drinks cabinet over (total accident, I swear). I think I blacked it out because I don’t remember half of the events of that night. All I remember is yanking the bottom door, which was jammed, and then the next thing sitting halfway up the lounge from where I had been. Surrounded by broken glass, as my parents’ terrified faces peered through the door to see what had happened. Somehow I survived that one with just a few scratches on my back, and was shipped off to my Grandma to be smothered in germolene, while my parents cleared up.’ Amanda

Don’t worry Amanda, we’ve all been that desperate for a drink at some point.

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Then there were these stories, where alcohol was totally to blame.

‘As a nurse I’ve seen and heard a few stories in my time but there was this one guy who came in for surgery once on his finger… to have it cleaned and closed. He had been out with his mates for a few drinks, been in a few pubs, got home in the small hours and then he said that’s when he noticed his little finger was missing! It was a clean amputation as well so had been chopped rather than bitten. It was just his calm explanation of “I remember leaving the pub with it, but it definitely wasn’t there when I got home!” Like it was a set of keys!’ Amy

I never realised alcohol made such a good anaesthetic. NHS could save themselves a few quid there perhaps.

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‘When I was wheelchair bound, I had one too many and didn’t realise I was actually drunk. Normally the drunkenness hits you when you stand up. I thought I could make it down a small flight of stairs. I ended up with a couple of broken bones that night.’ Faith

If there is one thing to learn from this post, it’s that drinking is a really, really bad idea sometimes.

‘My husband once went home really pissed, tripped over a plant pot and slashed his arm open. He then proceeded to try and break into his mum’s house and left what looked like a murder scene all down the front door and all over his bed. His mum was reet pleased with him for that one!’ Laura

medical negligence

We heard about a selection of domestic accidents that reminded everyone cooking and cleaning isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

‘I sliced the top of my finger off in a mandolin whilst demonstrating on a potato how safe it was. I swear my husband was on the floor in hysterics even while the blood spurted, cartoon style, like a fountain from my tipless finger. He was still laughing as he covered the finger in kitchen roll and clingfilmed over the top to keep the blood from squirting all over the car. He was still laughing when I fainted in the hospital as the nurses doubled over in giggles.’ Michele

At least now you have a reason to always ask your husband to cook I suppose.

‘I got admitted to hospital with chemical burns to my left nipple. I woke up early one morning and decided to clean the oven, I had no bra on and the Ovenbrite soaked through my t-shirt and burnt my nipple. True story.’ Lisa

Maybe you should consider reading these hacks to save time on the housework instead

There were stories of parenting gone wrong.

‘Taking part in a “how high can you jump?” competition with the children and forgetting I was in a doorway at the time. Smashed the top of my head into the frame and saw a wide variety of colours and shapes.’ Alex

I mean, how high can you jump seems a little unfair against kid anyway, but maybe next time try it outside?

medical negligence

We were shown that some people will do *anything* for a day off work.

‘I pulled a sickie at my old job one day and whilst sitting on the sofa cross-legged I suddenly got pins and needles. I jumped up to ‘walk it off’ and in the process didn’t realise my foot bent under my leg as I stepped down, well I broke my foot, didn’t I?! That gave me a reason to be off!!’ Terri-Sian

Some would call that karma. Not me, but some.

Then there were the childhood accidents.

‘My nana used to grow mushrooms in a tray behind the sofa, which is dafuq enough on its own. I was leaning over the back of the sofa to look at the mushrooms and went head first down into them. I stayed there crying whilst my mum took a photo’ Claire

A situation which is totally worth a photo if you ask me.

‘Aged six, before the days of garden trampolines, we had to make do with bouncing on the beds at my Gran’s house to prove our awesome jumping skills. I bounced straight off the side and hit the radiator with my face. Much blood, a black eye and my first butterfly stitch experience. I still have the scar below my eyebrow (which makes plucking that side far easier).’ Vicky

Every cloud has a silver lining and all that.

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There were plenty of stories that made you distrustful of everybody and everything.

‘I wondered if I could train myself to walk through walls, so I ran into a lamppost when my cousin was looking after me’ Paloma

Well, technically, that wouldn’t have worked anyway because it’s not a wall.

‘I broke my nose on the bottom of swimming pool after diving in an area too shallow cos my dad didn’t believe I could dive properly and wouldn’t let me go deeper’ Vikki

‘A friend was drunk, she slipped and fell down as she went she used her teeth and clamped onto my arm to stop herself falling!’ Laura

‘My dog ran into me, knocked me off my feet and broke my arm.’ Cassie

You guys really need to consider who you spend your time with or maybe consider looking at some sort of medical negligence claim or life insurance.

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Lastly, there was that one story of someone setting themselves on fire.

‘After setting our garage alight, the old bit of carpet we had down as flooring that he had spilt petrol on multiple times from his little remote controlled car, my brother somehow managed to set the carpet on fire. Tried to stamp it out with his feet. He had socks on. The rest is history.’ Kirsty

This is a collaborative post, entries have been edited or shortened for clarification.

Read the full post on the Dafuq group here!

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