Royal Wedding fails you won’t see

Dafuq is dis?

The wedding of the year is upon us.

With all the news stories circulating about possible family embarrassments that could happen for poor Meghan on the day, it got me thinking about other Royal Wedding fails that could (but probably won’t) happen.

royal wedding fails

Kids running amok

That is if there are even kids there at all. There probably won’t be any screaming toddlers needing a wee. No bored tweens sighing heavily at all the ‘lovey-dovey’ nonsense and no newborns crying midway through the important parts (sorry Louis).

royal wedding fails

Drunken fights.

‘I’ve been to 8 family weddings as an adult and at 5 of them there was a fight or some sort of fracas’ – Karen

What’s a wedding without a drunken brawl to signal the end of the night, right? Unfortunately for us I can’t see it happening at the Royal Wedding. Could you imagine the Queen getting involved in that sort of thing?

Wedding crashers

‘My wedding cake never turned up… yet the lady who was due to make and bring it did arrive in the evening’ – Joanne

‘At a friend’s wedding, they’d gone to sign the register, a couple of girls were playing their flutes and in walked ‘John’, local chap. Two of the ushers simply greeted him warmly, each linked an arm in his and took him outside for a chat.’ – Jacqui

Yes, the media will be there in abundance, and the streets will be lined with well-wishers, but you probably won’t see any of them actually make into the wedding venue. If you do, I’m the one wearing a chicken hat and a pineapple print swimsuit*

royal wedding fails

A power cut

‘We had a power cut half way through the evening reception. Music, lights – gone!’ – Beth

Our power blew when the evening caterers plugged their jacket potato oven in, my poor dad spent half the reception fixing it. Then the speakers blew at about 9 pm so we had no music.’ – Nikki

It’s well known that candles at weddings are romantic. So be sure that if they make an appearance at the Royal Wedding it’s all totally planned at not at all because someone blew up the fuse box, okay?

Of course, we all know that there will be no royal wedding fails.

But if there was, it’s got to be something huge, right, like maybe…

royal wedding fails

A fire

‘My sister got married in a castle. They were demonstrating with the trebuchet and accidentally set part of the castle on fire.’ – Charlie

Or, even worse,

All eyes won’t be on the bride

‘I know of a wedding where the bride looked amazing but everyone just commented on her sisters bottom…. oh wait’ – Emily

Royal wedding fails

But really, honestly, I wish Harry & Meghan all the best on their big day and in the future.

Marriage can be hard, but anything worth doing is. It definitely requires team work, the ability to listen to one another, honesty, trust and of course a whole lot of love.

A bank balance like the Royals might help too.

Congratulations to the happy couple, I look forward to watching your fail-free perfectly planned day while I sit at home considering how I was stung in the eye by a wasp on my wedding day (I really was).

*Dear Royal family and any security agencies that may be reading. I WILL NOT be attempting to crash the royal wedding while wearing a silly outfit, promise…

… I’ll be wearing a suit instead.

Big thanks to members of Dafuq Is Dis for their stories.

Agree? Disagree? Never felt so much unbridled rage? Leave a comment!

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