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Friday, 25 August 2017

No kids! 7 things that happen when they go to the grandparents




No kids: 7 things that happen when grandparents have the kids

Last week, my mum and dad, Nanny and Grandad, took the kids for three whole nights.


They first took the kids for an overnighter when I went off on a blogging trip to Paris, and again when we went to a wedding, and then once more when I went to Blog On, but this time there was no particular reason; yes the house is pretty dangerous for small children at the moment and yes there is a lot of packing and decluttering to be done, but mainly we just really fancied a night of decent sleep or two before we actually died.

And it went well, mostly. Of course it did.

Anyway here are seven things that happen when the grandparents take charge:

1) The kids have way more fun

I'd foolishly told them they'd be off to Nanny and Grandad's and they'd not shut up about it all week. The day of their 'holiday' finally arrived, and after lunch I drove them down and dropped them off. My parents had set up all their toys including a very large amount of V-Tech track which is currently residing there while we have no space for it. I'm not desperately keen for it to return, I have to admit. I don't have this kind of time, nor do I have the inclination to tidy up after ten minutes when they're bored. I am no fun. No wonder they looked forward to it so much.


2) There will be sugar

Within minutes of being there, the kids had helped themselves to about a dozen plums off the tree and had been given an ice cream. When asked what their plans were my mum said that maybe they would go to the beach for ice cream. Whilst they were still eating ice cream. I pointed out that they probably didn't need any more ice cream for the next 18 hours or so, but you know, I didn't have to get them into bed that night so what did I care.
I am fairly sure that ice cream was not a staple part of my diet as a child. In fact I'd go as far as saying I never had two ice creams in one day. Grandchildren clearly change you beyond recognition.

(The kids ignored me, went to play and then had to be forced to say goodbye. I drove home, got stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 and thanked my lucky stars for my pelvic floor exercises the whole way home. Doug and I went out that evening, but we were home by about 9, tired and ready for bed. It takes a little while to slip into the 'child free' mindset, evidently).

3) Sleep is not guaranteed

Around 4.40am we were woken by a small child being brutally murdered; or as we discovered as we sprang out of bed, foxes mating. Arsehole foxes. Eventually I managed to get back to sleep only to be woken by a builder smashing something loudly in the room next to us; our bedroom-in-progress currently separated from us by just a curtain. I'm unsure whether this is better or worse than being woken up two hours before hand by a whining child; I like the sleep, but I very rarely feel like the world is going to end.

4) They do sleep (or grandparents lie)

I messaged my mum around 8am to see how my little darlings had slept.
(Yea, I don't know what went on with the asterisk. My bad). Bear in mind that the day he cracks 6am, we actually celebrate. That is a good day.

They also behave. Or, again, grandparents lie. One of those.

(As an aside, I took this screencap to send to a friend. I also then accidentally uploaded it to Facebook when I was trying to sell some raincovers and didn't realise until someone tagged me. Oops).

5) You remember how easy stuff used to be

Leaving the house is a different beast.

"Shall we go out?" "Yea, why not! I'll just get changed and then we can go".
*Five minutes later*
"Let's go".
And they did.

6) You never leave your parent kit behind

We went out again, and I had a few glasses of wine and fell over some dodgy crap pavement in the dark and smashed my knee up on the way home. Luckily I had nappies with me because of course I did, so I didn't bleed to death. Hurrah!

7) You miss them lots and lots

And spend a fair amount of time just talking about the kids, inevitably. Because what else could you possibly have to talk about? What on earth did we talk about before they came along? Who even knows.

Anyway, slightly hungover but well-rested at least, the kids were returned home to us with no obvious signs of sugar intoxication. They didn't seem too bothered to be back.

And by the time they'd been here an hour I was ready to ship them off again.

Just kidding.
Or am I.

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