Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Wet Mondays: Autumn is a bastard

Wet Mondays: Autumn is a bastard

Well goodbye summer... and hello autumn.


With late September comes conkers, browning leaves, the smell of bonfires lingering in the air... The nights are drawing in earlier, just perfect for snuggling. Hot chocolate is mandatory and of course, there's  the ability to hide excess pounds with thick woolly jumpers. That all sounds quite lovely and romantic doesn't it?

Well it ISN'T.

Autumn also means COLD, DARK and RAIN. Autumn is a BASTARD, and only marginally more acceptable than winter which is colder, darker and wetter but with the addition of Christmas hell to get through.

I really want to be that person that finds wandering in the wilderness to the sound of the rain pattering on my waterproof jacket fun and therapeutic, the person that enjoys splashing in muddle puddles with a delighted squeal and collecting fallen leaves... But I'm not. And neither are the kids. Even getting them from the house to the car when it's a big soggy outside is met by universal complaint. No amount of pumpkin spiced latte is going to make up for the fact that everyone is sodding miserable.


And to add insult to injury, today is Monday. It's autumn, it's wet and it's Monday. 

Mondays in our household are usually a relaxed affair. In general, the small one spends the weekends napping on the go, and so I like to let him have a decent sleep, if he'll take one; start the week off right.

When it's sunny, we usually play in the garden and then meander to toddler group in the afternoon, stopping at the park on the way there or back. We may visit the shop, or go to the library. That's basically enough fun for one day.
No one wants to be outside in the cold
After a crap night of feeling decidedly unwell, I was woken at half five by my husband getting up for work, as he always does. He has never yet managed to do this without waking me. Such is life. At least I have the luxury of going back to bed, which I did, falling back to sleep about half an hour later. Almost immediately I was re-awoken by the combined shrieking of my children, demanding to be taken downstairs.

The big one usually wakes up in a fairly good mood; if she doesn't, you know the day is going to go down horribly.

Upon requiring some bathroom time (I don't want to talk about it), I went about my business with two children hammering and crying through a locked door. What a MONSTER I am. If that wasn't bad enough, I didn't even have my phone.

Dazed and still half asleep, I decided to give in to the big one's demands to have breakfast in the front room; the conservatory was quite chilly and really I just wanted to lie on the sofa and let CBeebies do the parenting for a little bit while I came around.

Now, I am no fool.

The rules on eating in the front room are; the cereal stays dry and the accompanying milk is in 'non-spill' cups, but dear god they still manage to make a bloody mess and for some reason the greedy dog isn't fussed about floor Cheerios; useless bloody thing. So yea, we were left with this scene:
After breakfast, and a bit of dancing to Strictly, the small one was seriously flagging (he has not yet learned the art of going back to sleep if he's still tired when he wakes up...) so I sat with him for almost 45 damn minutes until, finally, off he drifted. He is entirely incapable of going to sleep without someone right there which is really annoying and bloody inconvenient as predictably, the big one spent this time depositing around two hundred pieces of plastic food around every room downstairs setting up various picnics for her dollies.
To be honest, I just let her crack on with it. 

Facebook isn't going to check itself you know. I also did very exciting SAHM things like put on a delightful slow cooker dinner (another autumnal favourite), emptied the dishwasher, put the washing on and hoovered.

The small one woke up just in time for lunch, at which point the big one had already eaten an apple, some cheese and half a packet of Wotsits and had been shouting lunch at me for 20 minutes. They ate their lovely warm Philadelphia and ham pitta breads and then the pair of them helped themselves to my sad, low calorie mushroom soup, like they do EVERY DAY. It's like they don't even care that it's horrible and I wish I could have the cheese instead*.

We did make it to toddler group, but the park was off, due to the coldness and the wetness. 

I did briefly consider diverting to somewhere else on the way home; I'd driven there for that exact reason, but the big one screaming HOME! HOME! I NEED A POO! was enough to persuade me. Home we went.

Now we are doing really well with the potty training malarkey but we still have our moments, and this was one of them. Without delving too heavily into the circumstances, I found myself scraping and scrubbing a poo off of the carpet.

Meanwhile, the kids got everything out of the kitchen cupboards.
To summarise the rest of the evening:
  • The lovely slow cooked dinner was roundly rejected in favour of bread.
  • Bath time was, as ever, a scream fest. 
  • It took almost an hour of sitting and humming Somewhere Over the Rainbow to get the small one to sleep, eating up my entire phone battery and sanity.
  • It's Monday, so there's no wine*. 
He woke up another three times between his bedtime and mine and had to be soothed back to sleep to avoid a meltdown and waking up the big one. I'm tentatively blaming teeth but it's possible he might just be doing it on purpose.

I'm now doing that stupid mum thing whereby rather than getting an early night you stay up late in an attempt to get some 'me time' (or alternatively, write an uncharacteristically ranty piece on your award-nominated blog) in absolute denial that tonight is going to be a complete shitter and you'll be up a hundred times and be even more tired tomorrow than you were today.

Wish me luck.

(It was a shitter).

*There is cash money riding on my ability to shift the pounds before Christmas. If you see me eating crisps, biscuits or drinking wine on a school night please please take them out of my hand and give me a good telling off. Thanks.

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29 comments:

  1. Money? You didn't tell me about any money. Put that biscuit down this instant! xx

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    1. Yup. A fiver each, biggest loser wins. It isn't going to be me judging on this week. FFS my willpower.

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  2. Look what I wrote last Friday!!!! http://reallifemanicmum.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/ten-reasons-to-love-love-love-autumn.html
    Maybe this might cheer you up a little xx

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  3. I am so with you on this whole autumn and winter nonsense. Sure, its pretty, but my turtle necks have holes in them by now and layers to keep warm are only runined by one decent sized hot flash. Oy vey! #chucklemums

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  4. This made me laugh, I do flipping love Autumn though (hides) x

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    1. To be fair, Autumn is miles better than winter... So I guess I'll let you off ;)

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  5. Monday is a b*tch. Write it off and have another crack again next week. (love your good room rules!!)#chucklemums

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  6. Love this and I'm with you. Autumn is kind of nice in the buying new boots way but gimme flip flops and summer any day!! The only good thing about dark evenings is being able to go to bed early...but not so much when the baby still needs a 10pm bottle #chucklemums

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  7. Love this and I'm with you. Autumn is kind of nice in the buying new boots way but gimme flip flops and summer any day!! The only good thing about dark evenings is being able to go to bed early...but not so much when the baby still needs a 10pm bottle #chucklemums

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  8. Monday is nursery day for us so that definitely takes the edge off! Haven't yet worked out what to do in the cold weather though for entertainment! Might have to resort to soft play 😨😨 #chucklemums

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  9. Monday is nursery day for us so that definitely takes the edge off! Haven't yet worked out what to do in the cold weather though for entertainment! Might have to resort to soft play 😨😨 #chucklemums

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  10. Argh I hate wet cold miserable days. Especially days that start at some ungodly hour. Oh how they suck and not having wine at the end of it is just a ball ache. I wish you luck with that my friend! Xx #chucklemums

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  11. Cold, wet and dark -- just shoot me. I hat the lack of sun light. I did read a post about a hot toddy -- perhaps we should both head over there and offer up a 'cheers' to one another! #chucklemums M'wah xoxo

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  12. Yup. It's cold; it's dark; your hall is covered in slippery, muddy footprints; the central heating makes your skin dry and everyone has the sniffles. What's to love? Monday blues on a Tuesday here. I'm with you... #chucklemums

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  13. Monday does not qualify as a school night in my opinion. Monday is a whole n'other level of trauma above a school night which is only just about bareable provided I can eat all of the calories. I swear to God my carpet is now 72% Cheerio. Good luck with the cash money! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums x

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  15. You'll hate me but I love Autumn. I prefer summer if i'm honest but atlas in the autumn you don't have o worry about bastard wasps, sweating hot nights and stinking people in the street. We have no commenced the argument over when to put winter duvet on though. I want it, partner is still clinging onto the summer duvet. The struggle is real!

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  16. Monday can straight duck itself. yesterday one of the twins split her head wide open and I spent the day a damn mess at Urgent Care. Ill attach the post on the Monday shit show...

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  17. Yup... sounds like a crappy one! On those days I get to bed asap... the sooner its over the better! Congrats on the nomination! #chucklemums

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  18. You're right - no amount of pumpkin spiced lattes, gingerbread lattes or white chocolate snowball mochas will ever make up for the naffing dark dank wet days ahead of us. I can only get through it with all the cake - so best of luck there without all the cake....jaze you're my hero! #chucklemums

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  19. Yup, I know those days - the dark, wet ones where you're stuck indoors with a feral child. I actually don't mind early autumn - it's November that's a real bastard in Glasgow, when it starts raining and pretty much doesn't stop until April. #chucklemums

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  20. In an ideal world devoid of guilt, wouldn't we all sack off a slow cooker stew in favour of bread? #chucklemums

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  21. I absolutely hate autumn too as am definitely solar powered. I also hate bloody cheerios and am sick of finding them everywhere. And like you, I hate Monday night because it's a booze free night :( #chucklemums

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  22. I blame Peppa Pig for this sudden need of everyone to jump in muddy bloody puddles. It's not fun! #chucklemums

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  23. Oh dear. I thought I had a bad day at work on Monday and you have just brought all the joy of Mondays with two little humans and not a hell of a lot to do when the weather is shitty back to me INSTANTLY. I think you are a goddess for not cracking open the wine - I still drink every day. #chucklemums

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  24. Urgh, the combination of Monday and autumn is not good. Yes, autumn might look pretty for the first 5 minutes when the leaves turn a nice colour, but after that it's all just sogginess, drizzle, frizzy hair, fog, and no life/sanity- saving afternoon park trips. It's the absolute pits. #chucklemums

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  25. Apart from the whole inconvenient back to work thing, I am one of those people who loves running about in a waterproof jacket in Autumn, jumping in muddy puddles and squealing. And rediscovering the joys of jumpers. It does sound like you had a nightmare day though, especially the poo on carpet scenario! I haven't even really attempting potty training yet. You are a braver woman than I. #chucklemums

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  26. Oh Monday is always a bitch, she says on a Sunday night...I am sat here with that back-to-school dread feeling! I absolutely agree with you about Autumn being crap, last week I managed to rip the sole of my boot off and could feel the rainy ground as I walked home. Not ideal! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums x

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  27. Monday is my day off with the Child so if it's miserable it makes me doubly miserable.

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