I thought a good outlet for her rage would be to write another guest post for me. After all, my youngest was six months old when I started this blog and so you missed out the delight of my pregnancy ramblings. And it's not like she has much else to do. Ho ho ho.
Here is what she had to say.
Things that make me rage? Everything. EVERYTHING.
People who park centimetres from your car door. Seated idiots who refuse to make eye contact when you really want to sit down. Old ladies who walk reeeeeeeally slowly in front of you when you're trying to
Gems like "Oh wow, are you sure it isn't twins?" (comedy genius there), "You look like you're about to explode!" (I'll try not to make a mess) or even, unbelievably sometimes in the next breath, "You look really small, are you sure they have the dates right?" (because pregnancy isn't worrying enough).
"Do you know what you're having?"
"Yes, another girl. My daughter is getting a sister."
"Oh dear. Never mind. There's always next time."
In this marvellous 32 degree heat;
Just no. You cannot complain to me about the heat unless you are as or more pregnant than me. If you don't have another human permanently strapped to your front you just do not comment. OK?
"What would you like for dinner?"
"She's 2... and well yes, I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant"
It then goes one of two ways;
1)"Ah, I thought maybe you were... but didn't like to say"
You thought I'd just grown a huge beer belly all of a sudden? Or perhaps I had eaten all of the pies? Yeah yeah, I know it's better than someone asking you when you're due when you aren't pregnant but I refer you to my previous comment re: rationality.
2) "Was it planned?"/ "Don't you have a TV?"
This question is something you should never, ever ask, for obvious reasons most people find it really rude and insulting. I am just far too much of a prude to even consider responding to it. I don't ask you about your sex life, do I? Stay out of mine. Ta.
I have chosen this time to have a planned section for various different and very personal reasons. If people ask my plans (why, oh why?), I tell them and on more than one occasion have been told:
"Oh no, that's a shame. Will you not at least try to have it naturally?"
I have a two year old. You can come and babysit, if you like. She is fairly fond of a tantrum though.
"Make the most of it now and just put your feet up."
So where exactly is my baby going to sleep and what will it wear? Because if the house stays the way it is now she'll be sleeping in the cat basket and wearing maternity clothes.
Oh, and word to the wise. Keep your bloody hands to yourself.
To be fair when you have a baby in the summer they probably won't need clothes and mine only ever slept in my bed anyway, so you might be alright there...As for the touching. it is NEVER OK.
She has since had her baby, and she's very cute and squishy. Not cute enough for me to change my mind though! NO MORE BABIES.
If you fancy writing a guest post, get in touch!