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Tuesday, 2 August 2016

My top toddler toilet training tales

My top toddler toilet training tales with Hotter shoes review

It is probably true that, like soft play, every parent blogger has a potty training blog in them.


It's an inevitable part of raising toddlers and if my experience is anything to go by, there will be a tale or two to tell afterwards.

After a bit of a false start back around Christmas time, and the dawning realisation that (contrary to what I had hoped) she probably wasn't going to wake up one morning and decide to use the toilet of her own volition with no effort at all required on my part, I thought it was probably time to crack on with potty training with the big one. Two lots of nappies is a chore and an expense, the poo becomes more and more offensive and the sneaking off to do it in private and then denying all knowledge and blaming the baby was getting old.

It's actually gone surprisingly well. We've had the odd accident, the fairly regular screaming tantrum when she's doing the wee-wee dance but engrossed in something exciting like trying to score a piggyback from her much smaller brother and doesn't want to be dragged away, but all in all we are - I'd say (touch wood) - pretty much there.

So I apologise if this is the 302,394th potty training blog that you've read this week... But I might as well get it out of the way early; I present to you my top toddler toilet training tales from the first month of potty training:

1. The one where she took the piss, literally


For the first week or so, each morning when she woke up, I'd take her to sit on the potty. After a while of doing this she was fairly dry at night so we switched to a pull-up. She took this as a sign that she should take herself to the potty in the morning which I heartily approved of. One step closer to independence and all that.

However the next step for her was deciding that she no longer needed my help in emptying it, which resulted in several potties full of wee being dragged through her room and across the landing. Thank goodness I am in possession of a decent carpet cleaner.

2. The one where she took the piss, figuratively


We had just pulled on to the M20 and she decided she desperately needed a wee, despite having had one not five minutes earlier. Not wanting to risk it, we pulled onto the hard shoulder only to find that it was all LIES.

She did not really need a wee; she wanted to stop the car because she had dropped a pom bear. Sneaky.


3. The one where she did a wee on my new shoes

My toes, in some nice sandals
The sandals in question, pre-wee. Yes these are my toes.
We were on our way home from toddler group which, even at toddler speed, is only about ten minutes. Just seconds beforehand, she had had quite vocally confirmed in front of a room of singing toddlers and their parents that she did NOT NEED A WEE WEE MUMMY and, not wanting a fight, we set off home.

After leaving the church hall and crossing the road she proclaimed that she did in fact need a wee wee. Barely had we swerved onto a grass verge and pulled the trousers down (my plan was to work on appropriateness as soon as we'd mastered the basics) when she went... all over my brand new, pristine, white sandals.

I had been gifted these by Hotter Shoes after attending a launch evening at their new shop in Maidstone, and they were and are some of the comfiest shoes I'd ever worn. After trying on almost every pair in the shop I was pretty pleased with my choice; I did fleetingly consider that they might not be the most practical colour in footwear, but dammit I liked them and so I got them.

I wore them over the weekend and was amazed that they hadn't rubbed at all and were still as white and pristine as they had been in the shop. I actually can rock white shoes, I thought.

Well, someone put quite the dampener on that. THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. (They're OK now... after a bit of a scrub).

4. The one which could have been so much worse


The kids were finally in bed and all was quiet. I was drying my hair after a fun bath time adventure with the children. The glass of wine I had been thinking about since tantrum o'clock was so close I could taste it... and then I heard a noise; the door to their bedroom had been opened and out came the toddler holding her potty which contained, for want of a better turn of phrase, a mammoth turd.

I suppose I should be grateful that I intercepted her on the way to deposit it into the toilet. Sadly, she woke up her sleeping brother in the process and we spent a good 45 minutes getting them both back to bed.

Wine denied.

5. The one where daddy forgot the pull up


She'd been dry in the day for under a week and somehow he just forgot to put one on. That was fun to wake up to.


6. The one with the 3am potty trip



I was really pleased when she started using the potty at night and even more pleased when she stopped trying to empty it herself. Until I kicked the bastard thing over when checking on a moaning baby at 3am.
Not even sorry

7. The one where the dog disgraced himself


She hasn't quite got the hang of grabbing a book, getting comfy and settling herself down for the long haul. Her parents are both experts at this so it's almost surprising. She often gets bored half way through a number two and gets up and wanders round which is not ideal.

Today, she was ensconced on the empty potty in the garden when her brother awoke from his nap. When I returned carrying a fairly grumpy child, she was running around the garden. Meanwhile the dog was in the corner looking mildly suspicious. I don't even want to discuss what was going on.

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25 comments:

  1. Lol, we have all this to come again soon as I'm thinking about potty training Sophie in the next few weeks. I remember having some similar moments to the ones you described when Jessica was potty training - don't you just love it when they try to empty the potty themselves? Thank goodness for carpet cleaner! Glad to hear that your shoes have come up all right after a scrub. #triballove

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    1. Thank you :) She is now pretty good at leaving it where it is. I think we may have cracked it! Woo hoo!

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  2. Another photo of your feet?! It's definitely turning slowly in to one of those fetish blogs methinks! Good work on the training though. We're putting ours off until he's at least 10. #chucklemums

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    1. It's all about getting the footfall. Geddit???? GEDDIT???

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  3. Teehee - potty training in full swing here at the moment. He's doing well but every time I am feeding the baby, he picks his moment to pee on the floor! Off to invest in a super duper carpet cleaner :)

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    1. Hahaha ah yes, the wee of defiance... Good luck comrade!

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  4. I am so over potty training right now. Why can't they just stop shitting themselves! I love the Pom Bear one - that's some clever problem solving, she'll be a great leasee one day!

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  5. I loved reading this - so funny in places. We have all of this to come. J is 22 months olf and showing no visible signs of wanting to potty train so I'm going to wait it out. I can't believe some kids are done at like 18 months! How is this possible!? Thanks for sharing the fun :)

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  6. Oh god I'm so not prepared for potty training!! But yeah the dog thing is likely to happen here too!

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  7. We have all of this to come - sounds like a world of fun! Very funny read thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.

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  8. Lol the joys of potty training! It is inhuman how big my 'big one's' poo's are. Where do they keep it I wonder....and don't worry, your dog isn't the only one who eats poo...#KCACOLS

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  9. Te he! Great post! Just embarked on potty training with my son this weekend. He's mostly motivated by transport stickers at the moment. Am having horrible visions of him still only pooping for "a twain ticker" when he's 16...

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  10. Oh haha, these stories are an absolute riot!!! So cute that your daughter is so independent that she carries her little potty around. I think it's time for one of those little rings that goes on the big potty! Thanks for sharing the laughs <3 #KCACOLS

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  11. Haha! I don't think I will ever face a potty training post. The paed says that E just isn't developmentally capable yet and we've tried every which way without success. it's just causing him stress.. It might be several years before I feel distanced enough from the trauma to write about it! Loved this post :) #KCACOLS

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  12. Oh you've made me nervous about starting potty training with my daughter now, haha! She's quite independent so I do worry that she'll want to 'help' with things too, which does tend to make things worse rather than better! x #KCACOLS

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  13. *gags at the dog story* ;) Hilarious! We're about to enter potty training zone with the littlest one and I'm not looking forward to it. It's like handing them the power to control every moment of every situation with two little words "wee wee". I honestly think that wars could be avoided with a toddler using these words. You would see everyone immediately throw down their weapons to grab the tot and instantly seek out a toilet! Brilliant post and yey to you! ;) x #fridayfrolics

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  14. Firstly, nice shoes! Secondly, eughhhhh to the guilty dog - what is it with dogs and poo?! Another fab and funny post lovely #FridayFrolics

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  15. Hahahahaha and Oh no! Bad dog! The joy of potty training. Youngest is potty trained but then she will go and surprise me taking a dump in some less than auspicious places: on the slide and then down the side (lovely), in the ball pool (did a runner) and in the sea (it floated away). Thanks for linking up with #FridayFrolics :-)

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  16. the joys of potty training! Like Emma we once had a slide and poo incident. Horrific! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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  17. Oh what is it with the dogs and toddler turd (i've also experienced this horrific event). I dread potty training, its fast approaching that time in our house but I just cant face it yet! Brilliant post and never tire of hearing a potty training tale xx #fidayfrolicks

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  18. Haha! Loving number 2 - cunning! Don't want to hear any more about what happened with the dog! I hate toilet training! Hate it!

    Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

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  19. We're right there in the middle of potty training - think we've almost got through it, but still in the danger zone! Luckily haven't had any horrific incidents yet, but there's still time and plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong. #KCACOLS

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  20. My daughter is still too little for potty training. I will pin this post to apply when she grows enough. Thanks for sharing!

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  21. haha so funny, I love number 2 and 7 :) same experience, my kids have successed on potty training. when they're 1 years old I take them to the kid's shopping center and let them choose their own pot that they like. so they could sit on them whenever I told them to do, without indisposition. I teach them telling mom when they want to pee, go to toilet before sleeping, and nơ, 3 years old they don't need nappy anymore :)

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  22. Just love this post! Number 6 is quite common in my house. So funny. Thanks a lot for sharing. I bet there are many parents would love to hear these experiences.

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