Today has been a bad day.
The kind of day that starts with your newly-fixed phone smashed all over the kitchen floor.
The kind of day when, whilst you are distracted picking up the broken remnants of your phone, your baby decides that he can undo his high chair restraints and throw himself out of the high chair, taking a bowl of Readybrek and a pint glass of water with him.
The kind of day where your toddler is guaranteed to have her first accident since attempting to potty train on someone else's rug.
The kind of day where you put the wine in the fridge well before midday and think about opening it every half hour or so.
The kind of day where, after trying and failing to give a toss, you just say 'f*ck it' and let the kids just wreak whatever havoc they wish while you lay prone on the sofa trying your hardest to ignore the constant whinge coming from both of them.
Want to empty every box of toys, one toy at a time, and hide them around the house? Fine.
Want to take the contents out of the change bag to see if you can find anything edible? Be my guest.
Want to sort through the kitchen cupboards and make deafening music with the contents (pots and pans, not the dangerous chemical. Obviously)? Just don't ask me to join in.
The kind of day when where you give in, and they have pizza and chips for tea. And decide they don't like pizza. Or chips.
Yeah, that kind of day.
On this kind of day, I like to put the kids to bed as early as I can get away with, shove something unhealthy in the oven, and have a nice big glass of wine. Or the bottle.
Bottoms up. Tomorrow is a new day and all that.