If you enjoy this site, please consider using the link below to shop at Amazon as I'll get a small percentage which helps to pay for the running of the site.
Posts may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure policy.

Monday, 30 May 2016

Small children v dogs: What are the similarities?

Small children v dogs: What are the similarities?

At some point in the future I will introduce you properly to the family mascot; our resident pooch.


He is a disloyal, food stealing, baby waking, neighbour visiting, smelly trip hazard... but for some reason we keep him around.

The dog came to live with us a year or so before the toddler was born. As a baby, she was fairly disinterested in him, as he was in her (with the obvious exception of meal times). Since he could first drag himself across the carpet aged around five months however, my second, much more mobile, baby has made it his mission to get to the dog and attempt to poke, torment or grab him. Obviously, I try to discourage this as much as possible. The dog is tolerant, but when all is said and done, he is still a dog.

People who have dogs but no children often refer to them as their fur babies, hairy kids, etc. 

Baby #1, ignoring the dog
Although this doesn't bother me in the way it does some people, as a seasoned owner of both I will tell you (in one breath) that the two are absolutely nothing alike and having a dog can in no way prepare you for children. In the next I will concede that, aside from the very obvious (they run around a lot, you have to clean up their poo, feed them, take them to the vets....) there are actually an alarming number of similarities between small children and dogs.
Baby #2 has always been
fascinated by our canine companions

1) They beg for food

I'm not sure who is more shameless actually. They'd all happily let me starve.

2) If that doesn't work, they steal it

No only means no while you aren't there to witness it, apparently.  If you let the baby roam free at toddler group he often comes back with scraps which he has foraged. For the dog, this can mean pinching the kids' food whilst I am momentarily detained, making a cup of tea for example, or taking someone's lunch out of their lunchbox. From within a zipped-up handbag. Sorry about that.

3) ...Or eat scraps off the floor

The question is, do you still feed them dinner afterwards?
The dog is allowed to eat off of the floor; it's his job to clean up after the kids' meal time. Due to being really sick, we left him with my brother-in-law and his partner for an extra week after our holiday (thanks VERY much guys) and the amount of food I had to clean up was unreal. However, eating food off the floor is not something I encourage the baby to do...But he does it anyway given the chance.

Actually, as you may know if you follow me on Facebook, seconds after I hit publish on this post about cleaning the floor with baby wipes, I received an email from Zoflora asking me to review their disinfectant products. It's really not the kind of thing I do but I felt a bit ashamed and thought I'd give it a try anyway. Now, my kitchen smells quite glorious, of 'Summer Breeze', and not baby wipes, or wet dog. Here is a picture of the baby eating his lunch of a Zoflora'd floor.
You're welcome

4) They love balls

My son thoroughly enjoys a game of fetch. My dog will chase a ball and run about with it for a while but like hell will he bring it back.

5) If they're inside they want to be outside

But the moment they're out they just want to come back in and drag mud and/or grass clippings everywhere. Right at this moment, the dog is whining to go out and the children are complaining to come in. Both are creating sticky nose marks on the door (that's another similarity). I am sitting in the conservatory between the two wondering if it's easier just to give them free reign and clean the carpets later. And talking of carpets...


6) They like to leave bodily fluids on the floor

I did have a picture for this, but I've decided to protect your eyes and fragile minds. You all know what I'm talking about - even the most housetrained of pets and children have the odd accident. When it comes to puke, dog vomit is far, far worse than standard reflux vomit; especially if they have been eating fox poo. Delightful! However my dog has never actually been sick on me, so I can't determine a clear winner at the moment.

View from the loo

7) You have to spell out works like P A R K and T R E A T

Unless you want to have them clinging to your leg or jumping up at you in excitement. Dogs and toddlers may not be stupid but they both, fortunately, have atrocious spelling.

8) They follow you from room to room


And like to watch you while you pee. If you lock them out, they whine. There is nowhere to hide.

9) You have to buy them chew toys


And they can easily get confused as to who owns what. RIP Sophie la giraffe (number one and two).

10) They produce a lot of drool


And do a lot of being smelly and sticky.


11) They don't like being cleaned

But have a general enthusiasm for getting very dirty.

12) They are good at scaring visitors

A loudly barking dog puts off even the keenest of cold callers, as does the sight of a naked screaming toddler. Even the Jehovah's Witnesses don't tend to hang around at my house.


13) They are experts in wanton destruction

I could do a whole series on items my children and dog have destroyed. I won't, because it would be too depressing.

14) They aren't great conversationalists

You talk a lot to them and don't get a great deal back in return, quality wise.


15)...But they're cute, and cuddly, and most of the time quite fun to have around.


I could probably go on and on, but this is far too long already. Can you think of any I've missed? Leave a comment!

Liked this?

Get blogs by email:



Or come join me here:
 

34 comments:

  1. They both always want to get up hours before you do, especially if you were looking forward to a lie in. This is very good. The spelling out words one is my favourite. I had forgotten doing that for the dog, and will soon gave the pleasure again as my baby gets older #Chucklemuns

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very, very true. The dog enjoys barking at foxes at daybreak.

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh I could have written this (although not with quite as many excellent points). NL is a Labrador so the drool is unspeakable and the greed worse than Augustus Gloop on a diet. I do love them all but the thought of you in your conservatory with the children outside and the dog inside is so close to the bone in relation to my life it is uncanny. Very, very funny. Thanks for hosting #chucklemums and long may we have our floor cleaners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And yes. They do serve a good purpose, every house should have one.

      Delete
  4. YES! We have a lab/collie cross and foolishly thought it would be good practice for having a baby *laughs hysterically*, although it does make us surprisingly blase about cleaning up any form of poo/ sick/ wee/ unidentified bodily fluids. I'm still waiting for the baby equivalent of a kennels where I can leave the Child for two weeks as ong as she's had her jabs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. I want that too.

      Delete
  5. Maybe I should have gotten a dog first.....!!! At least I would have had some idea what I was in for!!! #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But then you'd still have to dog and be tearing your hair out ;)

      Delete
  6. haha! we don't have a dog, but judging by this, the kids will do lol #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha ha, this is very true. And I LOVE the pic in the dog bowl - brilliant! Excellent points about the drool and scaring visitors - I can clear a room in seconds! Before me and Father, Mother had a dog when she was single who was a massive handful but amazingly wonderful too. He used to break into the fridge to steal food, would never stop eating, and sleep all the time. Mother realises now that she just swapped her doggy for Father, such are their shared qualities ;) #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pahaha yes he does share some similarities with my husband too... He can sleep anywhere and he does eat until he's unwell.

      Delete
  8. Oh gosh our kids are the same - eldest not at all bothered by our dog but the second is obsessed. I literally mean obsessed! After a recent holiday, he followed the poor dog round the house for over an hour trying to cuddle her and make up for the week of missed cuddles. Unfortunately he's not yet understood that we don't poke the dogs eyes and pull her tail :D #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I often let the dog go upstairs and close the gate and the baby stands at the bottom of the stairs screaming and trying to shake the gate. Haha poor mutt needs some peace...

      Delete
  9. Haha I don't own a dog, but next time someone tells me about heir 'fur babies' I'll keep this list in mind and really think about how my having kids is a bit like having a dog. I feel really sorry for your mealtimes by the way, you have a begging crowd!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I should be a lot thinner than I am...

      Delete
  10. Brilliant! I would LOVE to have a dog but it's not an option at the moment. I loved the bit about their toys getting muddled. We don't have a dog but I may have once bought my daughter a toy from a pet store! 😬 #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well if it's tough enough not to be destroyed by a dog...

      Delete
  11. SO many times, whilst cleaning up after mealtimes, I have wished that I had a dog!
    Oh - I've got one - if you don't get them out and about at least once during the day, they will trash your house. At least, mine do.
    Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes. They need exercise or they are unbearable!

      Delete
  12. this really is brilliant! I agree with the if they are inside they ant to go out and then vice versa lol, very cute post! #kcacols

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dog is outside RIGHT NOW whining. Jerk

      Delete
  13. My parents have a dog who is the same age as my daughter, give or take a few days, and I always say they're like twins. If you're trying to eat the dog's begging on one side of you, and the baby on the other. xD #KCACOLS

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love this! We had a dog when I was a child and all of this is so true. I guess it is part of the reason I won't let the kids have a dog now, I can't deal with 2 lots of mess!
    #KCACOLS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Three lots in my case.
      That's probably why I drink...

      Delete
  15. Hahah, I can't wait til we get a dog so I can make all these comparisons :D #KCACOLS Mumzilla

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such hard work though... Such hard work!

      Delete
  16. Hahaha - love how people think having a dog is like having kids. Its not that having a dog is less work, its just that unlike the kids you can leave the dog in the house for a couple of hours while you do the food shop! Do love their ability to clean up all the food mess though. Thanks for hosting #Chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haha - very true! I'm alarmed by how similar baby toys and cat toys are - all crinkly tunnels and balls with bits to hit on them. I'm fairly sure it's cheaper to buy the cat versions! #chucklemums

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh this made me laugh. See I was not far off when I suggested to Mr C that if we couldn't have another baby then perhaps a dog would fill my need! I love the photo of the dog bowl and your little one :-) Thanks for linking up with us at #KCACOLS and we hope to see you again next week xxx

    ReplyDelete
  19. I often think that having a dog is a bigger committment than having kids, as you at least you can take kids everywhere eg restaurants flights etc. #kcacols

    ReplyDelete

Totally agree? Have irrational rage? Please leave me a comment! I love to read them.