Sunday, 3 April 2016

Eight ways to cope with kids on a hangover: A mum's survival guide

Eight ways to cope with kids on a hangover: A mum's survival guide

Last night was mum's night out. 


The less said, the better really.

There are a few conclusions that I have drawn from my rare nights out with other mums.

Firstly, we're pretty much as desperate as each other to get out in the evening but it's so hard to find the motivation to do it after the battle of wills that is putting children to bed. Until you're on the other side of the front door of course and then it's hard to find the motivation to go home.

Secondly, you have to make a concerted effort not to talk about your kids all night. You really should though, you'll find it's nice to connect with other people again. I didn't find out I went to the same university as one of my NCT group until our children were about seven months old.

Thirdly, if you haven't drunk much for a while it will probably hit you faster and harder than you realise.

Lastly, being a mum does not necessarily mean you will make mature decisions.

Anyway. In days gone by, this kind of day would have called for staying in bed for as long as humanly possible armed with a large bottle of coke (the sugary kind) and a Domino's pizza menu. However there will be no such shirking today. No, you have two small people who will be expecting to be fed and looked after, loudly. You can't call in sick from this job with a faux sore throat. No mummy, you must man up and Get On With It.  
Wine being poured: Say When!
So how exactly does one effectively parent with an awful hangover? Here are some tips.

1) Instigate "family cuddle time" and see how long you can hold off actually getting out of bed for. This is when videos of penguins falling over on the YouTube app are great; simply hand your phone over to your toddler and lie back down. It's also when breastfeeding really comes in handy as babies are pretty impatient when it comes to being fed and can't be fobbed off with penguins sadly (and to anyone questioning whether you should be breastfeeding while hungover... Yes. You can. Your milk at your drunkest could be bottled and sold as non alcoholic. But I don't have time to get into that now).

2) Announce excitedly that you're all going to have a pyjama party. You can always get dressed tomorrow. This saves on washing too - double thumbs up.

3) Suggest you all have a special treat and do a fry up for breakfast. Shhhh, don't tell daddy. Mmmm, bacon.

4) While the baby is asleep (and I have never prayed to the nap gods as I did much as today) make a game out of being put to bed and looked after by your toddler. You might have to let her hit your knees with a stick and look inside your ears though, which may not be very relaxing. 

5) Netflix. There is no shame in TV time occasionally. The good old electronic babysitter can be a godsend. We don't tend to watch a lot during the day because kids tv annoys the crap out of me,  but if you feel you can switch off sufficiently then it makes a good distraction for as long as you can physically stand it. Alternatively select a favourite from your own childhood and reminisce. Try not to get the rage when your toddler suggests she doesn't like it and it's rubbish.

6) Lower your standards. Whatever household chores you might usually do in the day - hoovering, making beds, putting washing away - don't bother. If applicable, see if your significant other even notices. If they don't and you reckon you can live with it, you may have cut your workload permanently. Win/Win.
Your living room may well look like a shit tip, but your hangover will thank you
Your living room may well look like this,
but your hangover will thank you
7) Encourage the kids to entertain themselves by letting them play with exciting things that they wouldn't usually be allowed to. I'm not talking scissors or knives, but maybe play doh, if you can bear the stuff and have wipe clean flooring. Stickers keep my toddler entertained for hours so that is my go-to. The you of tomorrow can deal with peeling them off of the fish tank, as well as doing all the other jobs you haven't done today. Screw you, you of tomorrow.

8) If all else fails, call in the grandparents.

And obviously, do not consider soft play. Not even for a moment.

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38 comments:

  1. Heehee. Oh yes, Netflix and pyjama parties. They do not happen often enough in our house.
    Gretel - www.carryongret.com
    #coolmumclub

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    1. It's all good fun until your toddler demands to watch rubbish mermaid programmes constantly ;)

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  2. Ha ha. Oh I can't imagine anything worse than my daughter and a hang over! shudder :) Thanks for linking up to #TheList x

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    1. Yea, I don't think I'll be doing it again in a looong while ;)

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  3. Good advice, I particularly like the hate for the tomorrow you! Ugh hangovers and babies and toddlers just don't mix #coolmumclub Lucy at occupation:(m)other

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    1. She's a flakey bitch that Fran of tomorrow I swear!

      You speaketh the truth...

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    1. It's fast becoming my favourite game! She gets me pillows and everything...

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  5. Great list and definately good ways to get through the fuzzy day ahead of you. Thank God for electronics 😉 X #coolmumclub

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    1. I pads are pretty awesome. I've basically learned to accept that it's not a huge failing to just let the toddler play with it...for a while...

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  6. The Looking After Mummy game is one that should be played every day #chucklemums

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    1. And it's her current favourite! Although often I have to lie on the floor on a bed made out of things she could find in the house. Not the best.

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  7. Oh. Yes. Breastfeeding on a hangover is something I do regularly (though not an 'exciting' hangover; more 3 glasses of wine because NW's worked late and the children have turned into ferrets). It is fine, I'm sure. And the genius of no. 4 (Claire's right) is dazzling. I'm going to try all of them ... maybe tomorrow ... #chucklemums

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    1. It's scientific! I could go into it but I wouldn't want to alienate the 99% of people who couldn't care less ;)

      Thanks my lovely!

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  8. Ha loved this! Deffo number 8! #chucklemums

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    1. Sadly we moved too far away to take proper advantage of it... So have to have pre-scheduled hangover days if grandparents are to help out!

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  9. oh my god. Hangovers with kids are the worst. We went out recently, my husband and I and we had a good night out. We didn't stop after the few bottles of wine. No, it all had to be chased down by a couple of vodkas with redbull. We had a blast. The next day I seriously wanted to die. I didn't think i would make it. I was dreading coming home to the kids. and something magical happened. the minute I walked through the front door, my body and my mind went into survival mode. It was astounding. Mommy was back with a vengeance. Hoovering, cleaning, cooking up a storm. playing with the kids. At 8pm I crashed......It was nature at its finest......

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    1. Oh I know the feeling. It's like when you're super tired and wondering how you'll drive to work nevermind survive the day but somehow you just do. Supermum!

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  10. So so been there!! Gawd I feel sick thinking about it. And I'm tipping I will do it again. #chucklemums

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  11. A Big Night Out when you've got responsibility for little ones the next day features highly on my list of "Things which seem like a good idea at the time"...alongside baking, sharing a bath, going on holiday...
    Great post, and thank you for hosting #chucklemums, love it and look forward to joining in every week :)

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    1. Haha I've done one on bathtime - I think you could make a great cartoon out of it! Speaking of which I'm off for the least relaxing experience of my life shortly...

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  12. To be fair, this is my technique for most days (minus the fry up) I'm an expert shirker by now! Round my house when baby is asleep, I let the daughter have a 'treat' and set up a TV in her room and play High School Musical for her so I can sleep too! #chucklemums

    (I'm from accidentalhipstermum.com, I have no idea why my username is this but I can't change it!) x

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    1. Big fan of lazy mumming here! Sadly my daughter is only two and they share a room, so that doesn't work but as soon as she stops being a danger to herself I'll be all over it!

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  13. A hangover with a baby is hell! Loved this post so funny xx #chucklemums

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    1. Nothing worse. And yet, we still do it...

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  14. I could have done with this list Sunday morning, mother of all hangovers, still don't feel human, NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!

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    1. You say this, and yet something tells me it's untrue ;)

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  15. I have yet to have a hangover following the arrival of Pudding - it was the large amount of prosecco consumed one evening that led to the making of Pudding in the first place. Strangely enough my other half has gone off drinking since then.... But when I do finally take up the sauce again I shall bear these tips in mind! #chucklemums

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    1. Maybe write them down and hide them by your bed just in case... A mummy needs to let down her hair occasionally...

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  16. Oh gosh, mummy hangovers are horrendous! But I always think "I'll be fine!" and down the prosecco! I am an idiot basically :) Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

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    1. We are all idiots Becky! NO MUM IS IMMUNE! Well, maybe perfect mum. But she's a huge dickhead.

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  17. Luckily these days I fall asleep after a single drink so am always hangover free.

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    1. The absolute worse thing about this story is that Slug and Lettuce was the scene of the crime. Talk about shit.

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  18. I try some of these techniques when not on a hangover!! Housework can be done when they are older!!

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    1. Oh absolutely. Replace "hangover" with "when you're tired or just feeling a bit lazy" - which, let's face it, is most days for me!

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  19. I'm venturing 'out out' with the girls soon so bookmarking this for future reference. That is if I don't manage to pre book the fail-safe golden ticket to hangover paradise: The Sleepover at Nanny's House. Yes - on their return I will have to deal with a spoilt brat high on E numbers and an overtired baby who's been cuddled half the night but it will be worth it for that extra few hours/morning/as-long-as-I-can-string-it-out-for the next day! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums (and apologies for belated commenting) x

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    1. We have never yet done The Sleepover. One day, dare I dream...

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