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Sunday, 7 February 2016

Ten alternative milestone cards for babies

Ten funny, inapproprite and a little bit rude alternative milestone cards for babies

Milestone Cards, if you haven't seen them, are given to baby to hold when they learn to sit, stand and get a tooth, before taking a proud photo for the album. 


They actually make a lovely gift for an expectant parent, however it would have to be one more organised and observant than myself.

Following on from this post I thought I would share with you the alternative milestone cards I wish I had made.

1) Today I did a poo so explosive it required a full outfit change


Usually achieved within days of birth. The baby achieved this milestone during a visit to the zoo at a week or so old. He happened to be feeding at the time, covering me too. Result!

Milestone cars for babies
At least the baby might
achieve these milestones
2) Today I was sick in my mum or dad's mouth

NEVER play aeroplanes with a baby that has just been fed. You think I'd learn, right?

3) Today I rolled off the bed

One moment they are completely stationary, the next they can roll two feet in the time it takes you to get your trousers on. Usually happens unfeasibly early on.

4) Today I pooed in the bath

If you're lucky, you won't be in there when it happens.
 4) Today I pooed in the bath: Ten alternative milestone cards for babies
5) Today I ate something really disgusting 

Fishing half eaten insects out of a baby's mouth is one of the joys of summer. 

6) Today I took my nappy off while everyone was asleep 

If you're extremely lucky the bed will only be decorated with wee.

7) Today I ate junk food for the first time

Weaning on jaffa cakes is fine for second children, right?
7) Today I ate junk food: Ten alternative milestone cards for babies
8) Today I had my first proper public meltdown

The toddler achieved this milestone much, much quicker than anticipated - around 14 months. I can imagine this photograph would be a keeper.

9) Today I drew on the walls

Still waiting for this one. I do realise that my complacency will get me and it's bound to happen eventually.

10) Today I said my first swear word

Let's face it, it'll happen.



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Ten alternative and funny milestone cards for babies - send to your pregnant and new mum friends
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40 comments:

  1. Haha, love this! This was definitely how it was in our house, right down to the jaffa cakes :) #coolmumclub

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    1. Jaffa cakes are a fine weaning food. Sadly this baby could be gluten intolerant. BOOOOO.

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  2. This is brilliant. I'm reading this as a passenger in the car and I've snorted at each of them. Hubby has just threatened me with "once more and I'm putting the radio on". I am now silent snorting. Love it!

    #coolmumclub

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    1. I absolutely love to hear things like this. Thanks Dawn!

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  3. Tears are rolling down my eyes with laughter.

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  4. No.9 already experienced with crayon,include windows walls doors and window ledge lol

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    1. I do hope you took a photo...

      Still not happened here. My toddler is so sensible, when it happens it's going to be a huge shock.

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  5. haha love this and yes i could tick off a few of those! Got my leg stuck in the stair gate while trying to climb over is a good one too - applies to both mummy and baby!! haha

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    1. Not got stuck yet but I often walk into them - there's a lovely picture of a shiny bruise on my sleep deprivation blog! Blinking things...

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  6. Hilarious! We definitely had the poo in the bath at a few weeks old. It took us by surprise!

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  7. Oh yes!! These are the proper milestones!! There are many many things I wish that I could go back in time to do, (thanks pinterest for all those great ideas that noone with a tiny baby or two could actually manage to achieve!), I did get the obligatory '1st day of school' on a black board shot though. Phew! Mum win! ;) I think you should make some of these. Bet you they would sell! Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

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  8. I have a photo of myself when No.1 happened to me about four days in, probably the first time I had got dressed, and all over my smart, black and WHITE nursing top my mother gave me. Stain never came out... #chucklemums

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    1. White and babies... Not a great combo for a multitude of reasons! You live and you learn...

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  9. "Today I shouted ALL. DAY". Achieved by NC within weeks and he hasn't stopped yet. I think he deserves a medal. I think the others have been reached by NC so now it's just the turn of the second born ... exciting stuff. These are excellent and should be marketed - have you thought about it? Seriously - you could make a fortune! #chucklemums

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    1. A friend is on it and they're in progress (although someone rather naughty took the idea straight from this blog but theirs are a bit rubbish in comparison!). I can't wait to see them made!

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  10. Very funny and yes these cards should be made! Far more realistic (and funny) #chucklemums

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  11. So far I've only experienced #1 and #5 - I fear that rest are to come sooner than I might like, especially #8. I would have thought that 10 months was too young to have a tantrum...but no. If I take away something that my daughter wants to play with, she loses her s**t. #chucklemums

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    1. Yup, we have tantrums at 9 months. No poo in the bath with this one... yet!

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  12. this is brilliant. I can just see a couple of add ons to this list over the coming months. "Today I pooed lego for the first time". :)

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  13. Oh yes, remember a lot of these delightful milestones! Although not number two!! That one made me laugh a lot and it's a tip I'll remember with the next child!! #chucklemums

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  14. yes yes YES!!! Have totally had a chuckle at this...Today I chomped Mummy's nipple...Today I projectile weed on Daddy... geeze...could go to town here!! #chucklemums

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    1. Hahaha I'd written this before I had breastfed a baby with teeth by OMG YES. I was in a cafe at the time and recall it vividly.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  15. Yes, these are definitely better than the cheesy ones you see babies posing on Facebook with! Much more realistic! My eldest drew on our walls precisely a week after we paid a fortune to get the downstairs redecorated... Why the hell did I not take note of peoples warnings that there's no way you should bother trying to keep the paint looking nice when you have children?! He was also a frequent bath dumper, and muncher of wood lice! He is gaining a repertoire of swear words too, but I really need to reign this in, as I'm not proud of it at all... But when you've used swearing as the main form of self expression for much of your adult life, what can you do?! You should get these printed, and start an alternate Facebook milestone pictures campaign!! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums, its been a great first week!

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    1. It's a work in progress! Accept no imitations, Official WWW cards coming soon ahahah!

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  16. Absolutely brilliant can't we get these made!! ha ha! And today I did indeed have my baby be sick in my mouth. Hideous! xx #chucklemums

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    1. I'm kinda working on it. It'll be worth the wait ;)

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  17. You should def market these - I would buy a set, the corresponding pictures would be amazing! #chucklemums

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  18. They're in progress! Accept no imitations ;)

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  19. Excellent alternatives, we're working our way through all of these, no doubt we'll have a full set by the end of toddler-dom #chucklemums xx

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    1. I should have said I also did a set for mums on the Babycentre website... http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/the-real-milestone-cards-for-new-mums/

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  20. Love them! Yes, these are so much more accurate - I may have actually used these! #chucklemums

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    1. Well, never too late to have another kid ahaha!

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  21. Yes yes and yes to all of them.. Apart from such in my mouth. Yuck!

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  22. Ha Ha! This is brilliant. As much as the tradition cards are cute this is true parenting ha ha ha

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