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Ten alternative milestone cards for babies – with FREE printable!

Milestone Cards, if you haven’t seen them, are given to baby to hold when they learn to sit, stand and get a tooth, before taking a proud photo for the album.

Milestone cards actually make a lovely gift for an expectant parent, however it would have to be one more organised and observant than myself.

Following on from this post I thought I would share with you the alternative milestone cards I wish I had made. to celebrate the more… inappropriate moments of babyhood.

At least your baby will actually achieve these ones.

*SCROLL DOWN FOR YOUR FREE ALTERNATIVE BABY MILESTONE CARDS PRINTABLE!*

1) Today I did a poo so explosive it required a full outfit change

Usually achieved within days of birth. The baby achieved this milestone during a visit to the zoo at a week or so old. He happened to be feeding at the time, covering me too. Result!

Milestone cars for babies

2) Today I was sick in my parent’s mouth

NEVER play aeroplanes with a baby that has just been fed. You think I’d learn, right?

3) Today I rolled off the bed

One moment they are completely stationary, the next they can roll two feet in the time it takes you to get your trousers on. Usually happens unfeasibly early on.

4) Today I pooed in the bath

If you’re lucky, you won’t be in there when it happens.
 4) Today I pooed in the bath: Ten alternative milestone cards for babies

5) Today I ate something really disgusting 

Fishing half eaten insects out of a baby’s mouth is one of the joys of summer.

6) Today I took my nappy off while everyone was asleep 

If you’re extremely lucky the bed will only be decorated with wee.

7) Today I ate junk food for the first time

Weaning on jaffa cakes is fine for second children, right?
7) Today I ate junk food: Ten alternative milestone cards for babies

8) Today I had my first proper public meltdown

The toddler achieved this milestone much, much quicker than anticipated – around 14 months. I can imagine this photograph would be a keeper.

9) Today I drew on the walls

Still waiting for this one. I do realise that my complacency will get me and it’s bound to happen eventually.

10) Today I said my first swear word

Let’s face it, it’ll happen.

PS – how about some milestone cards for new mums, too?

Click on the image to download your FREE Printable baby milestone cards!

Free printable funny & slightly inappropriate baby milestone cards! Ten alternative and funny milestone cards for babies - send to your pregnant and new mom friends so they can celebrate their baby's more inappropriate milestones! #baby #newborn #pregnant #newmom #momlife #moms #parenting #parents #printables #milestones #free #momhumor #parentinghumor #mumlife

42 thoughts on “Ten alternative milestone cards for babies – with FREE printable!”

  1. Haha, love this! This was definitely how it was in our house, right down to the jaffa cakes 🙂 #coolmumclub

  2. This is brilliant. I'm reading this as a passenger in the car and I've snorted at each of them. Hubby has just threatened me with "once more and I'm putting the radio on". I am now silent snorting. Love it!

    #coolmumclub

  3. Deborah Nicholas

    haha love this and yes i could tick off a few of those! Got my leg stuck in the stair gate while trying to climb over is a good one too – applies to both mummy and baby!! haha

  4. Whinge Whinge Wine

    Not got stuck yet but I often walk into them – there's a lovely picture of a shiny bruise on my sleep deprivation blog! Blinking things…

  5. Whinge Whinge Wine

    I do hope you took a photo…

    Still not happened here. My toddler is so sensible, when it happens it's going to be a huge shock.

  6. Oh yes!! These are the proper milestones!! There are many many things I wish that I could go back in time to do, (thanks pinterest for all those great ideas that noone with a tiny baby or two could actually manage to achieve!), I did get the obligatory '1st day of school' on a black board shot though. Phew! Mum win! 😉 I think you should make some of these. Bet you they would sell! Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

  7. Nursery Whines

    I have a photo of myself when No.1 happened to me about four days in, probably the first time I had got dressed, and all over my smart, black and WHITE nursing top my mother gave me. Stain never came out… #chucklemums

  8. Right Royal Mother

    "Today I shouted ALL. DAY". Achieved by NC within weeks and he hasn't stopped yet. I think he deserves a medal. I think the others have been reached by NC so now it's just the turn of the second born … exciting stuff. These are excellent and should be marketed – have you thought about it? Seriously – you could make a fortune! #chucklemums

  9. Whinge Whinge Wine

    A friend is on it and they're in progress (although someone rather naughty took the idea straight from this blog but theirs are a bit rubbish in comparison!). I can't wait to see them made!

  10. Squirmy Popple

    So far I've only experienced #1 and #5 – I fear that rest are to come sooner than I might like, especially #8. I would have thought that 10 months was too young to have a tantrum…but no. If I take away something that my daughter wants to play with, she loses her s**t. #chucklemums

  11. queenofmycastlesite

    this is brilliant. I can just see a couple of add ons to this list over the coming months. "Today I pooed lego for the first time". 🙂

  12. Oh yes, remember a lot of these delightful milestones! Although not number two!! That one made me laugh a lot and it's a tip I'll remember with the next child!! #chucklemums

  13. yes yes YES!!! Have totally had a chuckle at this…Today I chomped Mummy's nipple…Today I projectile weed on Daddy… geeze…could go to town here!! #chucklemums

  14. This Mum's Life

    Yes, these are definitely better than the cheesy ones you see babies posing on Facebook with! Much more realistic! My eldest drew on our walls precisely a week after we paid a fortune to get the downstairs redecorated… Why the hell did I not take note of peoples warnings that there's no way you should bother trying to keep the paint looking nice when you have children?! He was also a frequent bath dumper, and muncher of wood lice! He is gaining a repertoire of swear words too, but I really need to reign this in, as I'm not proud of it at all… But when you've used swearing as the main form of self expression for much of your adult life, what can you do?! You should get these printed, and start an alternate Facebook milestone pictures campaign!! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums, its been a great first week!

  15. beautybabyandme

    Absolutely brilliant can't we get these made!! ha ha! And today I did indeed have my baby be sick in my mouth. Hideous! xx #chucklemums

  16. Petite Pudding

    You should def market these – I would buy a set, the corresponding pictures would be amazing! #chucklemums

  17. Whinge Whinge Wine

    Hahaha I'd written this before I had breastfed a baby with teeth by OMG YES. I was in a cafe at the time and recall it vividly.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  18. Excellent alternatives, we're working our way through all of these, no doubt we'll have a full set by the end of toddler-dom #chucklemums xx

  19. Whinge Whinge Wine

    I should have said I also did a set for mums on the Babycentre website… http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/the-real-milestone-cards-for-new-mums/

  20. Jo - Pickle and Poppet

    Ha Ha! This is brilliant. As much as the tradition cards are cute this is true parenting ha ha ha

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