Shit parenting memes

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There is nothing that delights me more than a Shit Parenting Meme.

I am fortunate, perhaps, that the majority of my Facebook friends are fairly intelligent decent sorts and my feed is often meme-less, but the occasional doozy does slip through.

I have compiled a number of these for your delectation. These have genuinely been shared by friends, friends of friends, on pages I visit etc. and, I promise you, not just made up because I was lacking in material today. I don’t think I’m anywhere near imaginative enough.

Note that there is a whole world of shit memes out there, but sadly I’ve had to limit this to parenting related ones otherwise my children would be left to fend for themselves for a bit too long.

First up are my absolute favourites of the shit parenting memes world…

Share if you love your kids! memes.

Parenting memes - my kids are my heart and soul. Boke.

(Handily annotated and anonymised because, quite frankly, it’s shit and you should be ashamed.)Similar to the ‘share if you hate cancer’ memes I’m also quite fond of. I have never reposted (or even “shared”) these so clearly I love cancer and hate my kids, as do the majority of people I know.Bonus points for horrific grammar and/or spelling, including superfluous punctuation as seen above.
I am a parent who is not just proud of one of my kids but all of them. hit like and share if your [sic] proud of all your children.
It takes special skill to get it both right and wrong in the very same meme. If you don’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ and you can’t even be arsed to go and find a picture on Google images, and people share your shit memes anyway, I’d say your winning at life (see what I did there).Also shared alongside are the generic stating-the-obvious ‘I love my kids’ memes. This one I particularly like because, as well all know, nothing says love like a puffin:

CHILDREN ARE AWESOME (PUFFIN) I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND LIFE JUST WOULDN'T BE AS GREAT WITHOUT 'EM

On a similar wavelength of shitness are the schmaltzy or attempting-to-be-deep-and-meaningful parenting memes.

When I tell you I Love You I don't say it out of habit or to make conversation, I say it to remind you that YOU are the Best Thing that every happened to me

Sometimes when I need a miracle, I look into my son's eyes and realise I've already created one

A daughter is someone you laugh with, dream with and love with all your heart

The first one gets extra points for being addressed to a kid that probably can’t even read, let alone have access to a Facebook account.

This might be a bit out there, but I am guessing that random people on your Facebook feed will just assume that you love your kids without having to be told so, fifteen times a week.

Besides, no one is fooled. Unless you are heavily medicated then you get annoyed at your kids just as much as everyone else does.  Please don’t lie, it makes other people feel crap. Parenthood has some really great bits, don’t get me wrong, but it isn’t a constant miraculous dream unless it’s one of those dreams where someone has pissed in your handbag again.

Next up, the ones that pass off excessive alcohol consumption, untidiness, poor hygiene etc. as a humorous by-product of having children.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to be in your pajamas all day and crack the wine open before the school run if that floats your boat, I will not judge you. But it’s not original and it is mildly annoying. Think before you share. Does this shit meme need to be all over Facebook? Is it genuinely hilarious?

Once upon a time some kids did as they were told and their mommy didn't have to lose her shit and drink wine out of the box before noon

Maybe you’re trying to justify a behaviour, a messy house, a lack of personal grooming. If you are comfortable with your choices, you don’t have to do that. And for goodness sake, if you do choose to, go with something better than this, please.

My hairstyle is called, "I have kids."

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it
This one has been shared countless times by people I actually like and admire. As well as the message it’s the double full stop that gets me, although I concede that level of pedantry probably isn’t common:
Yes.. I am still in my pajamas. What did I accomplish today? The kids are still alive. Say thank you. Now... Say I'm pretty

Far far worse, on the flip side, we have the sanctimonious martyr mummy memes.

Designed specifically to take a dig at people who have an alternative parenting style to you, for example those who might not want to spend 22 hours a day with their baby attached to them, or are undertaking sleep training through sheer desperation and the fact they keep putting the kettle in the fridge:

I'll just let my baby cry until he falls asleep. That way he'll know early on I won't be there for him in his time of need. All this cuddling is too much work anyway

Or stay at home parents (I’m quite sure there are equally irritating memes on both sides of this particular mummy war):

I hear you. Raising kids and running a house keep me busy too. I also have this little gig on the side called a full time job

Or those that still carry their baby weight. Maybe you like to point out to fat people that they are fat, because they probably don’t know:

What's your excuse (for being overweight when I have three children and look like a model. HUH?)(My excuse is I like chocolate and wine and I don’tgive a crap).

Or those who might make different feeding choices. I can barely believe I’m posting this one as it angers me so much but it wouldn’t be a shit parenting meme compilation without it!:

Ridiculous Breast v Formula feeding meme
Pah. I’ve breastfed two kids and never looked as well rested as the woman on the left with the lovely sleepy baby who’s not plucking her eyelashes out while she attempts to sleep.

Just be done with it and post this wonderful meme to their page instead.

Got to love a minion meme. I have zero idea why minions are so popular and why they are synonymous with dumb “quotes” but there you go, that’s the internet for you.

Your parenting opinions are awful (minion) and I feel bad for your child

And finally, there’s the downright nonsensical.

Always give your kid a hug goodbye (swan) and never tel him to fuck off

Remember, any illiterate idiot can make a meme, but it takes a special kind of person to share them.

Don’t be that person.

My face when someone shares a shit meme (with cute photo of the baby being shocked)

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