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Saturday, 16 January 2016

Shit parenting memes

Shit parenting memes: Hit LIKE and SHARE if you hate grammar

There is nothing that delights me more than a Shit Parenting Meme.

I am fortunate, perhaps, that the majority of my Facebook friends are fairly intelligent decent sorts and my feed is often meme-less, but the occasional doozy does slip through.

I have compiled a number of these for your delectation. These have genuinely been shared by friends, friends of friends, on pages I visit etc. and, I promise you, not just made up because I was lacking in material today. I don't think I'm anywhere near imaginative enough.

Note that there is a whole world of shit memes out there, but sadly I've had to limit this to parenting related ones otherwise my children would be left to fend for themselves for a bit too long.

First up are my absolute favourites...Share if you love your kids! memes.

Parenting memes - my kids are my heart and soul. Boke.
Handily annotated and anonymised because,
quite frankly, it's shit and you should be ashamed.

Similar to the 'share if you hate cancer' memes I'm also quite fond of. I have never reposted (or even "shared") these so clearly I love cancer and hate my kids, as do the majority of people I know.

Bonus points for horrific grammar and/or spelling, including superfluous punctuation as seen above.
I am a parent who is not just proud of one of my kids but all of them. hit like and share if your [sic] proud of all your children.
It takes special skill to get it both right and wrong in the
same meme.
If you don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're' and you can't even be arsed to go and find a picture on Google images, and people share your shit memes anyway, I'd say your winning at life (see what I did there).

Also shared alongside are the generic stating-the-obvious 'I love my kids' memes. This one I particularly like because, as well all know, nothing says love like a puffin:
On a similar wavelength of shitness are the schmaltzy or attempting-to-be-deep-and-meaningful memes
When I tell you I Love You I don't say it out of habit or to make conversation, I say it to remind you that YOU are the Best Thing that every happened to me

Sometimes when I need a miracle, I look into my son's eyes and realise I've already created one

A daughter is someone you laugh with, dream with and love with all your heart

The first one gets extra points for being addressed to a kid that probably can't even read, let alone have access to a Facebook account. This might be a bit out there, but I am guessing that random people on your Facebook feed will just assume that you love your kids without having to be told so, fifteen times a week.

Besides, no one is fooled. Unless you are heavily medicated then you get annoyed at your kids just as much as everyone else does.  Please don't lie, it makes other people feel crap. Parenthood has some really great bits, don't get me wrong, but it isn't a constant miraculous dream unless it's one of those dreams where someone has pissed in your handbag again.

Next up, the ones that pass off excessive alcohol consumption, untidiness, poor hygiene etc. as a humorous by-product of having children. Don't get me wrong, it's fine to be in your pajamas all day and crack the wine open before the school run if that floats your boat, I will not judge you. But it's not original and it is mildly annoying. Think before you share. Does this shit meme need to be all over Facebook? Is it genuinely hilarious?
Once upon a time some kids did as they were told and their mommy didn't have to lose her shit and drink wine out of the box before noon
Maybe you're trying to justify a behaviour, a messy house, a lack of personal grooming. If you are comfortable with your choices, you don't have to do that. And for goodness sake, if you do choose to, go with something better than this, please.
My hairstyle is called, "I have kids."
Oh, they're harmless enough I suppose. Probably the least irritating of the Shit Parenting Memes. But the best meme is still no meme at all. The word meme has lost all meaning (and am I the only one who thought it was pronounced 'me me' for ages as opposed to 'meem'? Please say no).
My house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it
This one has been shared countless times by people I actually like and admire. As well as the message it's the double full stop that gets me, although I concede that level of pedantry probably isn't common:
Yes.. I am still in my pajamas. What did I accomplish today? The kids are still alive. Say thank you. Now... Say I'm pretty

Far far worse, on the flip side, we have the sanctimonious martyr mummy memes. Designed specifically to take a dig at people who have an alternative parenting style to you, for example those who might not want to spend 22 hours a day with their baby attached to them, or are undertaking sleep training through sheer desperation and the fact they keep putting the kettle in the fridge:
I'll just let my baby cry until he falls asleep. That way he'll know early on I won't be there for him in his time of need. All this cuddling is too much work anyway
Or stay at home parents (I'm quite sure there are equally irritating memes on both sides of this particular mummy war):
I hear you. Raising kids and running a house keep me busy too. I also have this little gig on the side called a full time job
Or those that still carry their baby weight. Maybe you like to point out to fat people that they are fat, because they probably don't know:
What's your excuse (for being overweight when I have three children and look like a model. HUH?)
My excuse is I like chocolate and wine and I don't
give a crap
Or those who might make different feeding choices. I can barely believe I'm posting this one as it angers me so much but it wouldn't be a shit parenting meme compilation without it!:

Ridiculous Breast v Formula feeding meme

Pah. I've breastfed two kids and never looked as well rested as the woman on the left with the lovely sleepy baby who's not plucking her eyelashes out while she attempts to sleep. 

Just be done with it and post this wonderful meme to their page instead. Got to love a minion meme. I have zero idea why minions are so popular and why they are synonymous with dumb "quotes" but there you go, that's the internet for you.
Your parenting opinions are awful (minion) and I feel bad for your child
The finally, there's the downright nonsensical.
Always give your kid a hug goodbye (swan) and never tel him to fuck off
Remember, any illiterate idiot can make a meme, but it takes a special kind of person to share them.

Don't be that person. 
My face when someone shares a shit meme (with cute photo of the baby being shocked)

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  1. Brilliant ☺ shit parenting meme's drive me mad!

  2. Of all of these the weight one would drive me back the the cupboard for biscuits! lol #bigpinklink

  3. haha. Very funny! and very awful, some of those!

  4. I just LAUGHED, (and I mean so loudly I scared the cat!), at that last one!! What in the what? I think this may be my favourite post ever. The levels of ridiculous in these memes, (or should I say me mes?! ;) ), is off the scale. The bad grammar thing drives me totally loco and the added punctuation, "well"! Plllleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee make your final paragraph into a meme and see if you can make it go viral. Just make sure you stick your website on it. :) Thanks for linking up. #bigpinklink

    1. Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. My friends have now taken to collecting terrible memes and posting them to my facebook page... I could write a book on them now, I have enough material!

  5. Hahah this made me laugh out loud! Some of the ones you've shared haven't offended me too much but others are just...fucking ridiculous! I still think of it as me-me even though I know it's meant to be meem. And what is with the minions?! EVERYWHERE!

    Although now I am worried that I have shared some stupid memes in my time and that I have the metaphorical blood on my hands. I will think more carefully in future! #bigpinklink

  6. 1. I pronounced it "may-may" for a while which was terribly French and terribly twattish, so I them reverted back into the safety zone of "funny quote photo on Facebook".
    2. I HATE a double full stop! I can spot them a mile off..
    3. There were so many of those vaguely amusing e-card type ones with a Victorian lady draped weeping over a chair. Then rexently I've noticed the same graphic, but with a serious message entirely devoid of humour, and I find it all very confusing. My eyes are primed and ready to receive funny, and my brain gets confused.

    Loved looking at these for #chucklemums!

  7. There aint no way those kids are hers! (lady with impossibly taut midriff)Plus, she's smiling and all three are sat down. Who's she trying to kid! ha ha *stuffs third round of toast in gob*
    Great post X #Chucklemums

  8. These are great. Some ml parenting quotes really need to come with a vom warning! #chucklemums

  9. These are great. Some ml parenting quotes really need to come with a vom warning! #chucklemums

  10. These started off making me laugh and ended up making me angry! Remember back in the good old days when you just used to get long rambling emails about fairies that said, "Forward this to 10 people you love", and they took so much effort only really annoying people sent them and you could just delete them without reading? Now someone can really irritate you in 10 words and some rubbish clip art and closing your eyes is too late because that image is already burned on your soul! #Chucklemums

  11. I HATE me-mes too. Although I like the fact that the person who wrote the puffin one ran out of room so had to put 'em rather than them. It's like - resize the font dumass. Also I hate 'inspirational quotes' on FB - got a post planned in a couple of weeks on that very subject. #chucklemums

  12. haha! this made me laugh! Im not a huge fan of them either! oh and I was STILL calling them 'me me's' until I just read this lol - whoops! I now know ;) #chucklemums

  13. I must be good public because I like some of them oops. But you are right, sometimes it's just ridiculous. But then it's so easy just to click. People would do anything on their phone when they are bored ��

  14. Me Me's!!! That was actually the funniest...and amusing myself playing punctuation/spelling spotto. Some are just plain embarrassing!! Thanks for the giggle. #chucklemums

  15. Haha these drive me bonkers! Every now and then someone will make one that is actually hilarious but for the most part they are just boring.

  16. Oh god the martyr ones are THE WORST!!! After those bloody minions...Hilarious post - thanks for the lunchtime laugh, I needed it! #chucklemums

  17. Ha ha ha ha! I think your meme is the best of all. I hate them. The ones that annoy me are the sanctimonious ones which have cast aspersions on other mothers' parenting abilities. And as for grammar - this really bothers Mother. If somebody wants to say something, just say it, don't share some shite meme x #chucklemums

  18. Ahahahaha! I get so much rage with those shitty things! VERY closely followed by those fucking morons who think facebook is about to make all their posts ever public and posts a stupid disclaimer - EVEN IF THAT WAS TRUE NO-ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING LIFE. #chucklemums

  19. Thank you, thank you and thank you once again! Memes get right on my thruppenny bits! What you said x #chucklemums

  20. Hilarious! Those bloody ones urging you to SHARE IF YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS, they're the worst. And possibly the route of all that is evil. Equally, minions. What on earth is the deal with minions?! Way too many people on my fb feed share this crap, I should probably be doing some unfriending. ���� #chucklemums

  21. Initially I wasn't sure if this was going to be crap memes or memes about shit! The whole "share if you love your kids" ones drive me bananas! Especially if your kids are on Facebook. And also - mothers and Father's Day - please just tell your parent in person or over the phone. Cut out the middle man that is Facebook if you have such a good relationship that you need to broadcast it! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  22. Ugh - those are HORRIBLE. I get annoyed enough by the super shmaltzy ones, but the judgy ones are even worse. Luckily I haven't come across any if those in my newsfeed. Why does anyone post these things? Say something original or don't say anything at all. #chucklemums

  23. I think they can sometimes really hit the nail on the head, but yes, mostly just very random and inappropriate bullcr*p from people with too much free time on their hands! #chucklemums

  24. I just did a big snort on the train as I tried not to laugh out loud. The boy next to me clearly thinks I am a bit barmy.
    Oh my word. Thank you for this nugget of joy this morning!
    And why do we have to say meems for something spelt meme? FFS

  25. Pahaha! Um, some of these are horribly offensive. I can't believe people share them. I do quite like the stamping puffin picture but, yes, it's inane..
    My favourite is the advice not to tell them to fuck off. Hilarious.
    Hope you enjoyed my double full stop (or is it a stunted ellipsis, ooo).

  26. Errant apostrophies and poor grammar are my biggest bugbear with crap memes, along with the "share if you love your kids" ones. Clearly those of us who never share them just don't really love our kids, lol! Thanks for making me chuckle :-) #triballove

  27. I hate the weight and the martyr ones. I see so many of these each day. If you need a meme to excuse how you run the house you have problems lol

  28. Thank you! What a brilliant post - I hate them with a vengeance! The deep and meaningful ones REALLY piss me off! Quotes that are taken out of context or just taken from really bad pop songs, I mean just how deep is a chorus from Little Mix? Don't get me started on the HAZ memes I HAZ chocolate? I HAZ no brain (yes I quite agree) #argh


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