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Thursday, 21 January 2016

Hell's teeth: The molars are coming through

Hell's teeth: The molars. Babies and toddlers teething is no fun.

A big and hearty welcome to my new readers.


As lovely as it is to meet you all, I do feel the pressure is on a bit now. Rather than ranting anonymously into the abyss, I realise I should probably put a bit of thought into attempting to be witty and engaging since 'coming out' on Facebook. 

You might have a bit of a wait on your hands though because at the moment I certainly don't feel particularly witty nor engaging. There are two primary reasons for this, and those reasons are my toddler's back teeth (at least, I hope it's a pair. Please God don't tell me they could possibly come through singly). Yep, the molars have chosen this week to poke their irritating way through her irritated gums.

Not the face of a happy child

Teething undoubtedly gets worse the older they get.


...Or maybe it just seems that way because they can now stand at the top of the stairs acting like a toddler possessed; red faced, articulating their pain in to very loud and repetitive words and refusing to swallow calpol. But I don't remember the fever when she teethed as a baby. I actually don't remember a lot though; I couldn't tell you when she got her first set, or any, all I can tell you with certainty is that it was after eight months as I was not breastfeeding at the time, luckily.

This is not something I'm really looking forward to this time around.  I'm fairly certain that feeding a teething baby being painless is another breastfeeding lie that you'll hear. I've friends that have been used as chew toys (wince).

It seems very unfair that they have to go through this, and then they all fall out anyway. At least they get paid for each one they lose though I guess.


As design flaws go, it's not quite as bad as the digestive system of a newborn baby, or the whole being really bloody tired but not being able to just close their sodding eyes and go to sleep thing, but it's definitely up there. 



How we have survived as a species I genuinely don't know. Nature seems intent on making babies and small children suffer and in turn parents have to put up with a lot of crap. I can't imagine a couple of caveparents dealing with this; they didn't even have Bonjela in those days. I wonder if they just hit the kids round the head with a club? Or themselves, until they could no longer hear the constant whinging? Perhaps that's the solution? Perhaps. 

She's been having increasingly disturbed nights for almost a week now. As usual, she was fairly happy for most of yesterday daytime but as soon as late afternoon hit, it went downhill. When she wasn't sweaty and whinging, she was behaving as if I'd laced her milk with whiskey. Parents of toddlers probably know what I mean when I say that an overtired two year old is quite similar to a drunk person. She was running around, falling over and bumping into things, being unnecessarily loud, demanding snacks and then fell asleep whilst eating her dinner like a student in their 3am kebab. At this point I admitted defeat and took her to bed however, predictably, it was not to last.

In the end she spent the night in bed with me.


This hasn't happened since she was months old and now I vividly recall why. As bedfellows go, she is pretty appalling; sweaty and prone to nocturnal outbursts. Being repeatedly kicked in the crotch all night isn't much fun, you heard it here first.

After being woken up by a flailing limb at 5am, despite having the cotton wool brain of someone who's not nearly had enough sleep to be a functioning member of society, I decided to leave her to it predicting that the baby would be stirring soon.

Nope. For the first time ever, he slept until 6.45am (a lie in of epic proportions in this house) and according to my husband, barely stirred all night. I am trying to see this as positive - you never know, he may actually do it again one day - however it does seem like a spiteful deity is having a good laugh at my sleep deprived state.

Still, these are the last ones. The molars. We are on the home stretch.


Except of course in four years or so when they are all going to fall out and the permanent teeth come through of course. But I've heard that's not as bad (please?!). After that, we're home and dry.


Oh wait. The baby hasn't got his first tooth yet...


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26 comments:

  1. Definitely agree with it being a cruel design flaw! The tooth Fairy bit makes it worth while but at the rate of inflation becomes pricey!

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  2. You mean it's not still 20p a tooth? Shocking.

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  3. The poor little thing looks so shattered. Life is too cruel! But I love the caveman question you have raised. How on earth did they cope with these parenting dilemmas?! Maybe clubbing myself on the head could be the answer to a lot of things... #Chucklemums

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  4. Maybe cavedaddies would bring home a lovely prehistoric bone for their darlings to gnaw on while the cavemummies club themselves with insanity! One child mercifully got all 20 teeth before she was even 18 months so she's 'done' - however the baby is now in a permanent state of dribbly fist chewing so I'm waiting for the vinegar poos and then I guess we're off the starting blocks, hooray... (Said as flatly as a punctured whoopee cushion). #chucklemums

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    1. That's amazing, I'm not sure she's even done yet. I would look into her mouth but I'm no fool

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  5. Haha, just wait until the tooth fairy arrives. I once lost tooth and actually tried to make one out of white tac to convince Oldest. I didn't work. Also lets not talk about her classmate who gets £50 for every tooth!! #chucklemums

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    1. FIFTY QUID?? That's daylight robbery. Blinking heck!

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  6. What a freakin design flaw!!! Love it! Never thought of it quite like that. Dreading the wobblies and blood arriving here...eeekkk!! #chucklemums

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    1. Yes it seems so cruel they go through all of this and they don't even stay long!

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  7. I'm going to be the most irritating and probably hated person by saying this, but my daughter didn't get a tooth until she was a year and the others were slow too so she never really suffered from teething at all! BUT that might all change with the boy, we'll see. Thanks for hosting #chucklemums
    thishappenedtometoday

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    1. No two kids are the same, as I am finding out at my peril!

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  8. Teething is the WORST. The Popple seems to be constantly in the process of 'teething' (drooling, cranky, chewing on stuff), yet she only has 5 teeth to show for it. It's going to be a long year or so while the rest come in. #chucklemums

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    1. The baby now has almost six I think. Last week he had two. It's been a shit week.

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  9. The tooth god let me off lightly with my daughter's milk teeth, so much so that her aunty noticed first that they had come through at the back. HOWEVER, revenge was had over recent 'adult teeth' which have caused monumental meltdowns and a shortage of junior bonjela in our house. #chucklemums

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    1. Oh god, I never even thought about the next stage...

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  10. To be honest, I feel that this is one area where Piglet and I have got off fairly lightly. I may not have said this on the occasions when he was awake literally all night teething, and I had to go to work the next day, however, but all is well now he appears to have all, or at least most, of his teeth. The funniest bit was the first bit, when they are about four months old and you're peering into their mouths looking for answers to the eternal question of why they are not sleeping, and finding no evidence of anything sprouting in the gums at all. #chucklemums

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    1. They're teething! They're teething - every grandmother ever regarding every baby from the age of four days old

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  11. Wait, it gets worse!?!? You're absolutely right about teething being unspeakably cruel. Mother has instigated a system whereby I get paid for every new tooth I get (yeeeesssssss!) as she felt so sorry for the agonising hell I go through. x #chucklemums

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    1. You get paid? Does that help at all? Haha!

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  12. Teething sucks. I think I still might be and I'm 45! My youngest didn't really have problems teething whereas my other two had a permanent drool on. They are in their 20's now and I kept all their teeth and showed them not so long ago. I was expecting an 'Ahh you kept our teeth!' Instead I got a 'That's a bit creepy, Ma, to be honest...' Kids! *snorts*

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    1. You kept their teeth? Like, in a box? I suppose that's more normal than making a replica doll and using them for that. Shudder. I have yet to get to this stage so can't yet decide what I'll do with them...

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  13. Oh feel your pain as we've had a pretty hard time with teething...when the first tooth popped up, I actually considered taking her to A+E haha. But I have to agree with these teeth paying out in the end, my stepson has had a few £20 payouts in his lifetime as we never have any change. Thanks for hosting #chucklemums xx

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    1. Oh my goodness yes teething is the worst. Myou toddler has been the pickiest eater ever since the molars started to come in. It really is exhausting trying to help them get through the process. I know we had to give in on letting go ours sleep with us on occasion due to it. I hope it gets better for you guys! #chucklemums

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  14. Argh I hate teeth, hate them! They are a cruel and unusual punishment and none of these so called teething-wonder-drugs work. I would happily go back to cave man days and hit myself on the head with a club to block out the screaming (sorry bad teething day here lol) #chucklemums

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Totally agree? Have irrational rage? Please leave me a comment! I love to read them.